Blunt Force Trauma

Jags 84/9 (Parrish 47, Phillips 11, DJ 3-10) lost to Bluntisham 118/10 (Merry 38, Price 28, DJ 16, Phillips 4-8, Barker 26-3) by 34 Runs

Man of the Match - Matt Parrish

Honorable Mention to Graham Legend the Saffer for helping out

League cricket has meant we have to discover some new and interesting villages in the wilds of Cambridgeshire, and Bluntisham is a new one on me. Wikipedia tells me that there is evidence of Neolithic and Roman inhabitants having settled in Bluntisham, it featured in the Domesday Book from 1086 and at that time had a Church, a Priest and 16 households. It makes no mention of cricket, but I'm going that with 16 households and people having a lot of kids back then, they could probably have put out a reasonable team given how they played tonight.

Jags had 9 players, owing to us having two fixtures this week, Ant being in rainy Scotland and it being away at Bluntisham on a Monday. Bluntisham away on a Monday must be the Cambridge cricket equivalent of a Premier League Football fixture being played away at Stoke on a wintery January Day in a "what the cup is called this year" replay that literally no one cares about. 

Jags won the toss and opted to bowl (absolutely crazy). It was a funny start to proceedings as we couldn't find stumps, bails, or boundary markers. The pitch was, erm, well it wasn't as bad as Waterbeach - but it was so village.

Stumps = sticks: pitch = any piece of ground

I do enjoy the quintessential charms of cricket in all its forms, but sometimes I do wonder about some of these locales each week and how the locals derive genuine enjoyment from engaging in activity here.

Brett and Bennett opened and they faced an onslaught early on - with one batsman using 'economical' footwork and mad hand eye coordination to dispatch the ball to all corners. The other batsman didn't really settle and edged Brett behind high to Matt for an easy catch. Tyler was scalped for 2 4's and 2 6's in his first 2 overs, and took a breather. Brett conceded 4, 6 and 6 in his first two, but gamely continued. Horner came in to freshen things up, but it was more of the same as he was taken for 4, 6, 4 in his first 3 balls, we conceded a lot of runs in these 5 overs and not a lot were singles. Horner struck back, getting a dot, seeing a tough chance shelled on the deep square boundary by Bennett, before Fardell made his one and only contribution of this game, holding an easy chance at square leg.

Scoring did continue, but the pace dropped with the openers back in the hutch. Horner continued and bowled well, eventually snagging 2 wickets, the second being a top of off bowled. Things had definitely improved from his first 3 balls. Brett got taken apart a bit at the end, conceding 4, 4, 4 but partially down to some generous fielding on the boundary from either Mr C Barker, or Mr J Barker, allowing some dobblers to slip through. Barker then came into bowl and his Dad repeated the trick - letting one go through that likely should have been stopped (he actually ran past it), before James Barker got a wicket caught at backward point by our 10th man - Graham - who we met at the ground and who was heavily involved in proceedings throughout. He actually took three catches at backward point, making them all look very easy.

The Bluntisham skipper was in the middle for a bit showing off some play and misses and some boundaries - it seemed to very much be either or for him - before he too did the trick of clipping it back to point to the super-sub fielder. Barker continued, again definitely slightly faster than the previous week, maybe he's changed his diet or something, and I think he extracted a 3rd caught by Liam. It's hard to tell as this week we are back to having the scorebook be an absolute shower of shit for some reason. Wickets were falling gamely, and then the tail. Liam let a 4 through that I remember from Barker's bowing as well - our ground fielding was quite poor tonight - no doubt aided by the undulations of the outfield.

Phillips strolled into the attack with some lower order batsmen in his sights and bowled an irrepresible spell. His good balls got wickets. His bad balls got wickets. I think even his no balls would get wickets such as it was going for him on this evening. He bowled one early top of off. Another I think was a tight edge to the keeper. One was caught by Graham and the other by Tyler. Tyler came back to help support his best buddy Phillips at the other end, and bowled a maiden in the 17th over as well as taking the aforementioned catch for Phillips, who finished on 4-8 - yes you did read that right. He was typically modest and reserved about his achievement, as is his character.

Runs literally stopped for these last few overs. Over 16, 17 and 18 saw the score stay the same, and only 5 were added in the last 2. It was very much a tail, which seemed to include about 5 number 11's. One of them played for about 5 overs, keeping things out but not scoring a single run - and the scorebook just says "he faced lots of balls" - so there was humour in evidence on the sidelines, if not the ability to properly track and record cricket games. We restricted them to 118, which felt pretty achievable. 

I should again mention special praise for Mr Parrish's glovework, which was really quite something. 1 bye in the innings and that was down to the pitch. Standing up to pretty much everything and grabbing down legside like it's simples - how he does it, I will never know.

Parrish and Fardell opened and the first bowler was very good. Controlled outswing, good pace, and late movement. He felt every inch a good weekend cricketer and Matt was lucky to survive the first over to be honest. Matt scored from the other fella for a bit and gave me 5 balls against the opener. It is the job I have volunteered to do, but I scored a 4, and was then LBW - and it was so plum if it hadn't been given there would have been a riot in Bluntisham that would likely have lengthed the entry in their Wikipedia page (the Fardell Riot of 2022 anyone?).

Horner joined Parrish and the opener came off from the bowling having dispatched me - if only he knew how valueless my wicket actually is at the moment. Matt was finding his range, a lot of singles, and some boundaries - but it has to be said the fielding from Bluntisham was quite something, 4's being stopped routinely, delivery from the outfield with exocet precision, hunting in packs, a real masterclass. Horner hit a nice 4 before falling bowled to one that did something on the pitch. Dan Threadgold then strolled out and strolled right back in again, seeing his leg stump demolished by one that kept low and would likely have been dispatched had it bounced. Phillips joined Matt and kept scoring moving, lots of strike rotation, a couple of boundaries, and some good calling with both finding some range, but no generosity in the field.

We felt well in touch at this point for a few overs, but it also was very much down to whether Captain Parrish would be able to keep in play. He gave us one mega over rampage, taking 14 from it with some big hits, before he fell just shy of his 50, edged one to backward point, who needed 3 chances to hold onto it.

Phillips and J Barker partnered for a spell, although with Parrish back in the hutch after a masterful 47 in tough conditions, it felt like it might be a challenge. The opening bowler returned here and saw off Phillips with a lower shooter. This briefly brought father and son into a short lived Barker partnership - with Craig dispatched in short order by the opener to another ball that just didn't take off. Liam briefly kept James company before falling aerially. James Barker fell to a caught and bowled top edge push type thing with Jags well short heading into the last partnership. 

Tyler and Graham were left an impossible task, and briefly gave us mild hope (Graham had a South African accent so who knows what could happen), but Tyler was eventually bowled with the Jags 30 odd short. In truth, without a sparkling innings from Parrish, we were never in the game when chasing, so hats off to the skip for keeping it competitive. 

The drive back from Bluntisham was really long, I had to spend two hours doing emails that evening, and I left all the balls we have left for the season back at the ground. Joy.

The Team is Alright

Jags 162/9 (Parrish 30, Phillips 26*, J Barker 26*, J Horner 25*, Ben A 3-28) beat Sharks 145/4 (Ganysham 27*, Jeeva 25*, J Horner 2-26) by 17 runs

Man of the Match - Adam Phillips

Being a parent is a funny experience - you create actual life and watch it grow helpless and feeble, needing your continuous attention for its every need for months and years on end. It is both the most humbling of experience, and the most rewarding, but at times incredibly frustrating as you literally have to do everything for your child without really spending time on yourself. You sign up for it though, or most of us do deliberately, so you nurture and care for your creation without getting frustrated or impatient, knowing you have made a choice that cannot be undone. You have created something outside of yourself for which you will ever be responsible.

Then at some point, your child outgrows you, no longer has the need for continous attention, and probably pays nothing more than a passing interest in you and achieves more than you did when you were the sole source of reward and comfort. So you go from essential to redundant, as is the natral order of things.

This is how I think of the Jags - when I started it 11 years ago, it was 4/5 sort of cricketers and 4/5 volunteers coming along each week to get spanked. I had to do a lot of organising, a lot of batting and bowling (I know, hilarious), fielding, and without my continuous effort, it would have failed and collapsed in a heap. I used to celebrate losing by less than 30 runs and I remember taking a load of people out to the pub to get hammered when we first took 5 wickets in a game (it took a while, and we lost by a lot, but still).

Now, I am more or less redundant to the actual cricket part of the team - contributing mainly by organising. I can still offer a knock or a catch here or there, but it's an actual team, successful and reliable, supporting each other and when one player fails, others step up. It's quite nice really, just turning up knowing you may do something well this evening, or you may not, but your own contribution no longer matters in the way it once did. That's what a team is, when one fails, another steps up, when someone can't another does - and the tortuous parenting analogy above is definitely apt - since I think if I fucked off to South East Asia for a bit (which I did a few years ago), the team itself would actually continue all by itself, and likely do very well.

Onto the cricket. We won the toss and played Sharks at Kings. 

This was literally the hottest week there has ever been: which if you read the Guardian means we are all well and truly fucking fucked and will be living in huts on the side of volcanoes in 10 years time and is somehow something to do with Brexit; and if you read the Daily Mail it means, wahaay, get on the beach and enjoy those UV rays all you mathafackrs - unless you are a public sector worker in which case do your important work in non air-conditioned premises, do not expect a payrise or appreciation ever, and your government will sack lots of you soon to save costs. Political discourse is so polarised at the moment, middle ground is not a thing.

Scorchio!

The hot weather meant a fairly benign pitch, a fast outfield and runs for the taking. Parrish and Fardell started and Parrish was in "ebullient" form according to the opposition. He really was though, cracking a couple of 4's and a delightful six that hit the top of the sightscreen on the full. 

I scored 1 behind square before managing to lose my wicket in the most comical way I have personally managed for 3 seasons. A short pitched ball wide of leg stump sat up there for the taking. With absolultey no danger, I swung expecting an easy connection, and by somehow defying the laws of physics the ball grazed the bat, clipped my glove, turned 45 degrees towards the stumps in mid air and then turned 45 degrees down and hit middle stump. There wasn't a single celebration, and it took all my fortitude to just go "ah well" and take it in my stride as I walked off trying not to betray the inner turmoil that lead me to believe that the Gods of cricket were laughing from upon high. There ended my contribution to the evening.

Mr Craig Barker joined Mr Parrish for a bit and Parrish was on solid and scintillating form, retiring in double quick fashion pushing a couple of 2's and scoring at a mega clip to get us off to a super fast start. I've found this season that it's sometimes a shame when Mr Parrish gets off to such a flyer and we are playing a friendly, as with a league game he may well have cruised past 50 again without much ado. Craig was joined by Phillips and a change of bowling brought a more testing time period. Sharks knew they had to arrest the rate, and so they did. Phillips however was absolutely determined to not let the more challenging bowling impact things, and pushed 1's and 2's with aplomb, hitting some nice 4's and being able supported by Craig at the other end. I think that pushing the fielding team on 1's and 2's earns you a lot of runs towards a big total, and thus is it proved, I recall a nice 4 here or there from both, but mostly the scoring never ceased. 

Craig eventually fell to a caught and bowled for the ages, cracking a firm strike back over the bowling, who in turn leapt and single handedly plucked it from the air - for a definite and very solid candidate for champagne moment of the season. Hard lines, Craig - but a catch like that is fair enough. Brett joined proceedings for a bit and Phillips kept pushing the rate, Brett hit an absolute monster cow corner 6, somehow also with grace and poise, before holing out to short square next ball. Cozzie then strolled out and was the second unfortunate wicket of the evening, playing back to one that just shot off the deck and didn't really get up more than 6 inches from the ground, to trap him plum LBW.

Barker was out with Phillips for a bit before Phillips retired, having kept the scoring going, and done a thoroughly impressive job keeping us moving. Horner joined Barker and "Team James" both scored well throughout, with some wristy strokes and a Horner offside wallop that I can recall. Barker was almost out stumped, but appears to have got his leg back, with his father umpiring fastidiously at square leg.

Both retired after some very good play, Mr T Bennett strolled out at the lofty position of 9, scoring nicely before falling bowled to the normal opening bowler for Sharks. Mr Yaxley and the returning Mr Parrish were left to finish proceedings, there was a slight slowing of the rate at the death over stage, and Mr Parrish was caught out at long on hitting the last ball a little bit too well. 162. Nice.

Bennett and Brett opened the bowling, and Brett kept up his pitch for Chancellor in the next government, such was his economy rate. Both batsmen found it hard and Bennett removed one notable Sharks opener, using a combination from the previous week, B Benett, C Barker, mid on. He was a bit more wayward, conceding 4's either side of the wicket, than normal - and I would describe it as an eventful phase of the game - with Brett opening with a maiden over at the other end. The next Shark was very class with the blade, hitting a lovely straight drive and moving his feet well to push scoring along, eventually being out retired after the most cultured display of the evening. Marc at the other end was finding it hard, but honestly the bowling was very good with Brett in particular showing incredible control.

J Barker had a couple of overs, and seems to be getting quicker week on week. J Horner was again a demon in the field. Mr Mann turned up to cheer from the sidelines, freshly crocked but still there to support. James Barker found some good range and Sharks were well behind on the rate. Horner replaced Brett and extracted a wicket, played on. He then quickly bowled another having tied proceedings down somewhat, showing great depth to the Jags bowling lineup - all 5 of them. Yaxley swung into the attack but found himself facing two very strong Sharks batsmen, in particular Jeeva who is a beast when he gets going. Some ace fielding setting and stump work from Parrish kept it tight though, with runs not easy to score. Yaxley was walloped about briefly, but not disheartened found a lot of control on the back of some boundaries, and extracted a batsman with a brillant top of off jobbie.

Jeeva retired in fast fashion, showing his range throughout - Sharks were well off, but had stayed competitively close despite this - and the last batsmen did well to get them as close as they did. They fell 17 or 19 runs short depending on which match report you read - a good evening for the Jags with 4 retirees, some good fielding and wickets, and some incredible bowling control.

I spent the whole 20 overs running from deep square leg to deep square leg in an effort to contribute something to the evening, but offered no further contribution beyond the comedy dismissal. I then lost my wedding ring in the console of my car and had to rip all the plastic trim off to find it. 

I think we'll just call it a good day for the team.

When the Chips are Down

Jags 141-5 (Ant 36, Horner 35, Threadgold 25, Hasan 3-27) beat Qualcomm 117-10 (Kumar 43, Hasan 31, Bennett 3-24) by 24 runs.

Man of the Match - James Horner

Work, family, building works and the heatwave have all delayed my writing of this particular match report, which will inevitably have to be abbreviated as my memory has faded between the match and the writing of this. We also recently lost a fixture from our schedule owing to some bad luck with college grounds, so the Jags have been less busy the last fortnight.

Qualcomm our opponents for this evening are a famous chip designer and manufacturer, putting their silicon into a lot of mobile phones, tablets and laptops and the like. 

Not the sort of chips I tend to focus on

Queens again is always good fun with new opposition to boot. Owing to the aforementioned work commitments I missed the start of the game against Qualcomm, no matter, we normally have so much batting in our team that there is a queue of openers waiting to take my spot at the top of the order, and most of them are more capable, seeing as they take an actual guard and don't look like Shrek taking up cricket.

Me scaring the opposition bowlers

Anyway, cricket. Parrish and Ant opened and scored some runs. Matt, who is having a spot of bad luck lately hit a 4, before managing to use the bottom of his boot to deflect it onto his own stumps. That is an innovative way to get out, skip.

Ant and James Horner than came together and the things I remember were Ant cracking some excellent legside and long on stuff. James hitting a wonderful 6 into the hedge at Queens, the hedge that is the repository of most of the cricket balls in the world. Some excellent running, including Ant running 3, and actually pushing for it. Ant bending over, wheezing, us abusing him from the bench, and him saying, "I swallowed a fly". James smiting one to the offside with the disdain of a man swatting a fly. It was a top partnership, in all honesty.

James was the first to perish, and James is good at comedy when it comes to getting out. He tried a ramp shot and missed. So he tried a sweep and missed. So he tried a reverse sweep and was bowled. Dan strolled out and forced Ant to run even more - I swear Dan and Ant batting is like some evil combination of spin class and interval training in a film montage sequence. You can see the look of terror in Ant's eyes as Dan strolls out absolutely determined to get Ant fit by the end of the innings pushing non-existent singles, 2's and 3's.

Run Ant, you maggot!

The scoring continued at quite a clip, with Dan mullering one over square and Ant eventually falling caught to mid on ish - I'm still not sure if he chipped it up on purpose in order to end the continuous shuttle runs to be honest. Dan and Phillips shared a decent little run, before one of them fell - Dan's strike rate was mega tonight throughout. Dan got bowled by someone, James Barker went out to play, and Phillips was eventually bowled too. I briefly popped out for a cameo with James, hitting 7 from 3 of the last 4 balls of the innings - I was still on my work zoom call till pretty much putting my pads on. 141-5, it felt like a competitive total - although we'd likely have wanted 10 more - as Qualcomm did some good work limiting scoring in later overs and Hasan had a strong game with the ball.

Opening the bowling were Tyler and Brett, and they did a mad good job, limiting early scoring and each removing one of the openers with top of the stumps unplayable sort of stuff, Tyler top of off and Brett top of middle. Tyler continued in this vein, hostile and direct, and was talking about his 5/for within his first over. The agreed upon format was 15/8 ball overs and normally that means 3 per bowler, but we understood that as long as you had 5 bowlers, a bowler could do 4 overs. Tyler smelt blood, and saw two caught by James Barker at mid ish on - in both cases having tried to strangle the scoring. The youth team combo absolutely shredded the top order. Matt, standing up for most of the innings like the ninja keeper he is, definitely contributing by getting in their heads.

Liam, not to be outdone, was bowling like a demon, and he eventually got the one of the top 5 who had dared to try and hang on, bowled I recall by an in-swinger. Then with the change of bowlers to Kingsmill and Barker there came the first partnership of the Qualcomm innings. Hasan, the outstanding player on their side, was joined by Kumar and they set about forging a partnership, taking a bit of a shine to Barker and Kingsmill in the process.

Throughout this entire process though it must be said there was run really outstanding fielder in our midst. James Horner had an absolute stormer, point and in midwicket, he dived full stretch twice that I can remember to stop any runs, stopped at least one certain boundary that I can recall, and didn't make a single mistake. 

It was not, however, without controversy, which seems to be a running theme with our league games this year. The batsman who eventually got 43 runs and got Qualcomm close, was on about 4 when Barker bowled and he obviously edged it behind to the keeper. Not a small or faint edge, but a healthy nick. James, Matt, me, a few others, we all just celebrated, it wasn't even an appeal. The umpire was unmoved and the batsman just looked down at the ground refusing to make eye contact with anyone before in the next over admitting he'd nicked it. Goodness me we gave him some crap for the rest of his innings, not helped by him choosing to be their top scorer and the reason they got close.

In the end it got briefly tense, before Will extracted Hasan, caught inevitably by Horner - or Jonty as we should call him. The game ended with a flurry of run outs - Ant sorted one. The controversial batsman tried to pinch strike and then was popped out by Tyler and trudged off to lots and lots and lots of "cheerio", "thanks for coming", "top sportsmanship", "keep walking" and the like. It got a bit shirty over this to be honest, which is always a shame. Parrish finished things with a run out from the keeper's end, and that was that.

A word on My Bennett here, he was a close call for man of the match, but James Horner's runs, and incredibly athletic fielding just pipped it. 3-24 on any other day would be a certainty for the gong though, so apologies T - you can't get it every week. 

Also, a word on sportsmanship. It is critical to low level cricket, as with tight decisions it is very hard for anyone other than one or two players to know if they are out. It is disappointing to get out when batting, but not walking when you know you are out risks disrupting the good natured spirit of things and turning a game from an enjoyable pastime into a slightly tempestuous affair - as happened here. It is even more galling when, as happened to us the other week, a strong batsman isn't given out or doesn't walk when quite obviously they are out. 

I suspect I can speak for all the Jags when I say, if we are out and we know it, all of us would walk whatever our role or the game situation. If we grounded a catch, we would admit it. We'd all rather lose fairly, than win in unsporting fashion - and ay time we encounter this sort of uncivilised behaviour - we remember.

Life's a Beach

Jags 128/4 (Parrish 30, Barker 28*, Phillips 17*, Chandrasekhar 1-20) beat Waterbeach 116-6 (Bridger 26, Pradeep 24*, Yaxley 3-29) by 12 runs

Man of the Match - Parrish

A tense league game saw the Jags out come out on top at the end, with some great death bowling, good fielding and an ace team mentality resulting in a 3rd league win of the season.

League cricket requires us to venture away from the comfort of our normal college pitches. The Cambridge colleges spend rather a lot on their pristine grounds, and the groundsmen do a rather fantastic job all round, with gorgeously manicured outfields, nicely patterned squares and batting tracks that (mostly) play true, along witt cultured backdrops that are quintessentially English. 

One might be deceived into thinking that English Villages would be more of the same, such is the cliche of our green and pleasant lands. Do not fall into this trap, at least half the village pitches I've played at are awful. Outfield's with more craters than no man's land on day 4 of the Somme. "Squares" that are a combination of shapes, or not discernible at all. Crooked wickets and tracks that are not flat, nor true, with bounce in the entirely unpredicatable category. Some of them are downright dangerous.

This week, step forward Exhibit A - the Waterbeach Recreation Ground. It's never a good sign that an entire ground, square, tracks and all, is used for football in the winter and cricket in the summer. Before the game a patch of wild grass was noted next to the wicket, which apparently is being left to grow in order to protect a rare orchid. The other side there is a manhole cover very near the strip. The pavilion looks like it could be a backdrop for Call of Duty Warzone, doubling up as something from war torn Syria. Lots of random members of the public were also just aimlessly loitering about, in the batsmen's eyeline, or just randomly screaming things during the game.

It looked awful. I didn't need confirmation of this, but I am not moving to Waterbeach anytime soon.

The sign that welcomes you to Waterbeach Recreation Ground

Chatting to the local team using my fabled small talk skills before we began, I managed to get the following additional facts. 

1) Last summer a band of travelling gypsies set up camp on the cricket field for several months, leaving behind the usual devastation, and "it hasn't been quite the same since". 

2) Around this time the groundsman's shed had been broken into and all of his groundskeeping gear had been stolen and the "insurance had taken a while to get it sorted". 

3) The groundsman had been off for a few weeks ill, and had then gone on holiday, "I think it's been rolled this year, but I can't remember". 

Facts 1 and 2 seem likely to be related to the casual, sightly prejudiced, observer, although the police investigation was inconclusive.

I've spent rather a lot of time on the pitch so far because honestly it was the defining characteristic of this game.

Matt won the toss and opted to bat, putting Fardell in as number 2. The first few balls were quite friendly, if we're going to be completely honest - as the bowlers seemed terrified to use the strip itself and offered a few full tosses. Matt was into his stride, Fardell more cautious, but scoring started at a decent pace with 22 from the first 3 (8 ball) overs being a good return. Fardell was the first to be done by the pitch, a naff ball outside off that would normally be easy pickings, took off from the pitch in near vertical fashion towards my face - I should have pulled out of the shot, but didn't and offered an easy catch to backward point.

Ant had kindly joined us this week, a newish lady in tow, fresh from looking after his son. One of the first balls he faced, medium and pitched on a length, shot straight over his head. The next ball he faced in the same spot died and shot past the stumps. When the gents exchanged a single, a ball to Matt did exactly the same, just hitting the deck and shooting at ankle height past off. Utterly unplayable; nothing to do with the bowler. Matt continued scoring, quite impressive all things considered, and Ant found a few shots before he was run out pushing for a tight single. 

Phillips joined the fray, and scoring was all running at this point. Phillips never wears a helmet, he is very much not concerned with his looks, but he ended up taking one out simply to preserve his life. It didn't matter what the bowlers did, good or bad, any ball could do anything. Matt fell playing onto this own wicket, having scored at a good clip in trying conditions for one of the most hard earned 30's you will ever see. Kris was out and about for a bit, before a ball randomly climbed in his direction and he chipped off to a fielder. The only advantage to the awful pitch was it handed us rather a lot of extras - a couple of boundary wides were really quite worth a replay.

Barker then joined Phillips and honestly, they got us where we needed to be in a delightful partnership. There weren't many boundaries, but courtesy of Mr Phillips pushing James hard, there were a lot of 2's, including 4 consecutive 2's at one point. Barker was scoring nicely, and I won't call it chanceless, but they both scored well given circumstances. It was also funny seeing Barker wheezing quite a lot with all the springing - given his age, it made all the slightly less fit gentlemen in the team have a good old giggle.

There was time at the end for a hilarious misfield - where Waterbeach turned a dot ball into 4 runs by a combination of awfulness in the field that I can't quite describe in words. Cheers chaps. 

 The view from mid off

128-4 is normally a touch light, but on this pitch it felt absolutely ok, with a strip that was all but unplayable - showing Matt's 30 as the touch of class it was in a sea of tumult.

The classic opening bowling partnership of Brett and Bennett started up and boy was it good. Liam didn't get a wicket first over, but he did bowl an 8 ball maiden. Bennett was tight too - conceding few in the first over. Thus it continued. Waterbeach were simply not scoring at any pace to these 2, not least because the pitch was carrying on as it had, turning balls into bouncers, or shooters, or sending them off in random directions at will. The first wicket eventually came in Liam's 3rd over. Perhaps feeling the pressure, the batsmen set off for a tight single. Kris picked it up in the covers and scored a direction hit run out, laser sharp and perfectly launched in a very crickety fashion.

Scoring continued to prove very very slow, Brett and Bennett had really turned the screw - with Brett going for a frankly ridiculous 4 runs in total from 24 balls. Savage twirled in to the attack - and his lovely languid left arm action was well suited to the pitch. At 7 overs Waterbeach were 40 runs for 1 wicket, leaving a lot to do, and whilst our opening bowlers had gone wicketless, they had made it an incredibly difficult ask. One batsman tried to unfurl a few strikes, and succeeded in taking Savage on, and then Yaxley (who had replaced Bennett). Matt, sensing that the batsman had a favoured area set a more catching legside field and presicient as ever, the batsman pulled to backward square, straight down the throat of the waiting Fardell.

Kris came into the attack and quickly scored again, pinning one chap LBW. Yaxley, not to be outdone, bowled another with a great little ball, one of the few I would say that didn't really need any help from the pitch. Waterbeach were well behind the rate here, so their new chap just went at it from the start, hitting 4's and 6's with reckless abandon. Things got a bit tense, as a few overs pushed Waterbeach on and it looked to be closer at over 12 than it had been at over 10. Kris also conceded 2 wides to a ball that pitched in line with middle on a good length, and just randomly took off to head somewhere between fine leg and backward square.

Yaxley had time to get another, bowled in similar fashion to the first (the opener no less) to finish on 3-29 - which would have been MOTM numbers in many a game. Matt had done a sterling job behind the stumps, and had stood up a lot despite the conditions, keeping batsmen firmly crease bound.

Savage returned with Kris to be trusted with the last over. Phillips shelled a dolly from Savage and Bennett was incensed - asking Adam "dropping that - why are you even here?!". He doesn't have any friends, T, so this is the best he's gonna get. 

The disappointment was short lived - as the same batsman went big to long on-ish, and Tyler was there, settling under the catch to take it nonchalantly on the boundary edge - almost in a striking riposte to the Phillips' error. Kris bowled masterfully in the last over, death bowling extraordinaire - to get the Jags over the line - notable for its complete control and my complete lack of anything to say as a result. Every ball a peach.

Afterwards the Jags retired to the Bridge for some light refreshments, well those of us who go to pubs after the game, and we all decided that the strip should be an honorary Jag, such was the influence on proceedings.

I am never ever playing in this filth-hole again.

Jags Stapled

Jags 111-All Out (Matt 21, Mark 19, Hamid 3-23) lost to Stapleford Phoenix 112-6 (Minter 55*, Tyler 3-19) by 4 wickets

Man of the Match -Tyler Bennett

I'm a little behind on writing this match report, and we lost, so I'm going to employ less floric prose than normal and keep this pretty short, as it still smarts we lost this one.

A nice evening at Queens, and another league fixture. Some decent pre match banter with new opposition promised a gentlemanly match, and thus it proved. 

Matt won the toss and we batted, of course, with Matt and Barker opening. Early bowling looked tasty, and Barker struggled for a few before popping a catch high to short mid on trying to press on. Parrish looked a touch sketchy to start with, but found a few 4's with Fardell. I played and missed a bit before tickling one to the boundary for an all run 4 - which elicited cheers from the assembled throng. Scoring was a touch slow so Parrish decided to take one on and edged behind.

Fardell joined by Dan found a couple of nice 4's including a clip behind square before pitching it up to covers close in, an absolute mare of a shot to be honest just as I'd got my eye in. Dan and Phillips hung around briefly before Phillips bumped it high to the mid on fielder. No partnerships and some unwise shots to gift the opposition the initiative. The bowling was decent, to be fair.

Dan and Horner joined each other for a while, Horner hitting a lovely 4 to cow, before comically giving his wicket away. The slow non turning bowler gave it some air. Big air.

 The ball just below the apex of its delivery

James went back, forward, sideways, and did a little jig for good measure. He then committed to moving forward to defend it like a test cricketer, playing the bat really really straight just inside the line of the ball, and the ball gently moved past the bat and hit the bails. It was absolute dross all round. The gods of cricket shook their heads.

Cozzie joined Dan for a bit, hit a lovely 4 and was then caught and bowled topping it straight up. Dan was joined briefly by Liam before he decided to swing wildly across a good ball and saw his middle stump removed. He returned the pavilion and said, "I thought it was a bad ball". It wasn't, Dan.

Tyler briefly joined proceedings and hit a lovely 4 behind backwards square. The wicket keeper was hit in the face at one point, which was kind of the high point of our innings (he was ok, don't worry readers). Tyler fell caught and Liam and Savage saw out the remaining balls to get us to an utterly undefendable total of 111. Liam finished the shambles by trying to reverse push the last ball of the innings for 4 and was bowled.

Pretty much everyone had given away their wickets and no partnerships had been formed and we hadn't scored enough runs to defend. Whoopsie.

Despite the low total, Jags took to the field in enthusiastic spirits. Matt stood up to everything behind the stumps and energy was good in the field. Scoring was hard, with Liam and Tyler bowling great spells from both ends. Liam extracted the first with an unplayable ball that swung in. Tyler, not to be outdone, bowled the other with a wunderball that clattered the furniture.

The number 3 was the best batsman, and if we'd got him out, we would have had a chance. He pelted it to point where Fardell missed a tough low chance. He walloped it to covers where Tyler missed a very hard chance too. Liam Brett then hit him on the pads dead in front of middle half way up and did the lovely Stuart Broad celeb-appeal thing, so certain was he of the result. The umpire said something to the effect of, "It probably would have hit the wicket, the impact was almost completely in line, but it pitched outside off, so I think I'm going to give it not out" - giving everyone confidence that; he was going to do a thoroughly fair job of umpiring; and was absolutely not going to avoid giving their best batsman out no matter what the circumstances. No sirree bob. 

Roughly how it looked. I'm going to ask Queen's to invest in DRS

James Horner extracted one with a caught chance to Phillips. Ben Savage bowled exquisitely, being rewarded with a bowled off stump chance from a glorious action. He almost had the number 3 caught by Coslett, but the chance was shelled in the deep. There was time for the number 3 to clip one to Barker at mid off, possibly the easiest of the 4 catches, but nowhere near as bad as the hilarious LBW. So he'd had 5 lives on his way to 50.

Barker bowled well and Tyler extracted 2 late on, one caught by James and one by Liam. Tyler muttered a lot at the end, and was angry, but his 5 runs, directing one at the wicket keeper and 3 wickets earn him a MOTM gong. Hopefully that cheers him up.

We ran it close, despite the low total and fielded pretty well apart from the catches. Great glovework from the skipper and our heads didn't drop till the end. I'm not going to blame it all on the LBW as we should have held our catches, and they seemed like a nice bunch of chaps, but it was a bad decision even at the low low level at which we play, made all the more hilarious by the explanation. Ah well.

Pub attendance was good from both sides - I didn't get there in time for pizza though - so this whole evening can get in the bin as far as I'm concerned.

Jags Do It Doggystyle

Jags 109/2 (Ant 31*, Fardell 29, Dan 24*) beat NCI Allsorts XI 108/9 (Dobson 36, Ramesh 16, Savage 7-3, Barker 15-2, Yaxley 22-2) by 8 Wickets

MOTM - Ben Savage

We returned to familiar environs of Queens this week for our 2nd league fixture against the NCI midweek team chasing a second successive league win. A lot of the core team were present, supplemented by the addition of Messrs Ben Savage and Morgan Yaxley from sister club Histon. All the regulars had their shiny new Jags kit on proud display.

It was a glorious evening and we are in the prime time for long light evenings, so looked forward to the game. Captain fantastic lost the toss and the NCI team decided to bat, always a wise choice in evening cricket. Fardell picked out a genuine Reader from his bag (more anon) and proceedings began with Bennett and Brett bowling in tandem. The early bowling was pretty tasty and one opener struggled to get it away. The other managed a few shots, and there were the customary extras which in the early stages propelled the scoring more than the runs. The chirp was as high as the sun, with Ant welcomed back to the fold, slouching at slip and looking for all the world like he was just waiting for his next match on Tinder so he had a reason to get his phone out of his pocket. 

The ball however, it must be said, may not actually have been a genuine Readers as after 3 or so overs, it looked like this.

megacheapcricketstuffs.tv is not getting any repeat business from me

This made it easy at this point of the evening for team members to have a simple topic to sledge, banter or chat about - since the whole conversational tone in the field was, "have you seen the ball", "how bad is the ball", "oh my God it's not even round", "is the ball homemade" etc etc. For the less original and quick witted members of the team, it was like mana from heaven; free chat. The first wicket came when Brett found his lines well, and after tying the batsman down a bit, tempted him into an offside aerial drive which despite the "ping" it made off the bat, headed straight for the grateful hands of Mr Threadgold - helping Liam secure a wicket maiden. Tyler was bowling some tight lines, and for the most part was being treated respectfully by the batsmen as a result, with the result being scoring was very slow.

The new NCI batsman was of a certain distinguished vintage, shall we say, and had a high lift and exaggerated technique more reminiscent of weekend cricket from the 80's than 20/20 thrashes in the evenings. Scoring was still slow, NCI struggling to overcome a good bowling start from the Jags. As the dot balls piled up the pressure showed, with the non-striker seeing the ball tickled behind the batsman, and calling and running for a suicidal single. He was duly sent back with no chance of making it. The Jags had enough time to miss the batsman's stumps and relay it through two team members before Tyler removed the bails at the bowler's end.

NCI got their first partnership together around this point, and Kingsmill came into the attack replacing Tyler. Will is not quite 100% fit again so bowled some more modest paced stuff. His height and accuracy provide enough variation to be threatening, but in truth he is at his best when he has the express pace and viciousness that we all know he is capable of. Scoring ticked along a bit better in this partnership, although not at a rapid pace, just better, with the odd loose ball dispatched and more extras. Liam's figures had been mega up to this point 3-1-1-5 runs, but the tricky 4th over blotted his copybook somewhat, when 4 dots were followed by two aggressive 4's.

Ben Savage a youth debutant came into the attack, and the fielding all round was good. Nice glovework from Mr Parrish, good boundary riding from T, and a few decent infield stops from Fardell, Phillips and Will helped to keep things quite tight. Savage was very tight here, and eventually the other opener decided he needed to make a change, and charged him, the ball passed the blade, and Parrish neatly took and swiped the bails off in one seamless movement. The umpire didn't even signal, the batsman knew he was out, tucked his bat under this arm like a Sunday newspaper and off he went.

At this point we had a minor pitch invasion from an overexcited pooch, who had a collar, but no lead or owners anywhere to be seen. This lovely looking little chap really took a shining to one of our resident Dog lovers, James Barker, and just trotted around playfully after him in the field, sensing some doggy treats in his pockets, or maybe he was just curious what the odd smell was. Who knows, if only dogs could talk. We actually played on at this point, as it was clear the pooch was going nowhere and when James fielded a ball and threw it back to Parrish, the Dog saw his cue and raced after it, putting more effort into getting that ball than most of our fielding team combined. Eventually he departed, when his actual owners appeared from behind a hedge. 

Savage was bowing some, well, savage lines, and his economy was ace. He got his next wicket in the third over, a genuine weekend wicket to the left hander, a nice ball on a length, good shape and it kissed the edge and Parrish standing up made no mistake with the gloves. A word on Parrish, who essentially stood up and close to most of the overs, despite the variety in pace. He's confident in his skills is that man, and rightly so.

Barker came in for Kingsmill and his first couple of balls were big loose wides - possibly not aided by the absolute state of the ball at this point or his recent encounter with Lassie. He found his line eventually, bowling the new batsman with a peach that popped up and moved to disturb the off stump. NCI had not managed to string a partnership together for some time, and were at about 77 runs from 15 overs, well below par. Savage continued and was rewarded with a 3rd wicket, the ball being a little fuller, tempting the drive and there was Mr Threadgold again to snaffle a good catch at mid off. His figures for the game were 4-0-3-7 - which made the man of the match a simple statistical pick.

On his dog day afternoon, Barking mad James was not to be outdone, and continued his bowling in fine form, pushing one just a tiny bit closer to the other batsman, who then clipped in the air to mid on. Here Mr Phillips was waiting, and he adopted the face crusher technique to ensure he caught it, putting his hands backwards over his eyes, certain to suffer severe injury should he fail to hold the catch. 

There was also time for a streaky edge that went through Ant at slip at this point, he's a hard man to hide in the field sometimes.

Yaxley came in to bowl a couple at the death and one NCI batsman decided to try and take him on, mindful of the situation (i.e. they don't have enough runs to defend and they're quickly running out of balls to hit). Two good balls were hit for 4 and 6 respectively, before the skipper tweaked the field and the batsman clipped one to short square, where Fardell held on just above the turf. The last few overs saw some continued slow scoring, although the odd boundary, and the last ball of the innings saw Mr Parrish complete a great shift, stumping a batsman: to finish with one edge caught, two stumpings and involvement in a run out. 108/9 felt hard to defend.

Given the total, Parrish shifted the order around slightly, allowing Fardell to open again. Early scoring came quickly for Matt, less so for Fardell, but I did get a gifted 4 in the first over. Parrish unusually fell second over, having clipped a few he charged the opener and somehow managed to wallop his bat against his leg, causing a large gap to appear between bat and pad, and that was that for him as the ball snuck through and dislodged the bails. Ant wandered out, a touch out of form lately, looking to use the low pressure game situation to get back into the swing of things after weeks of Footgolf galore. 

Scoring was slow, possibly not aided by the match situation, but also some very good bowling from NCI and good defensive field placements to make it difficult to pinch runs. Ant played out 8 dots in a row at one point, and faced 15 balls for his first 5 runs. Very 20/20. One bowler tied both Fardell and Ant down, finishing on splendid figures of 3 overs, 9 runs, but no wicket. He would have made the difference on another night. We slowly clipped along, Ant was reluctant to run 2's and no amount of cajoling would get it to happen, particularly after his recent net based side strain, but we were still scoring enough to not be in real danger. NCI did well in the field, trying to keep the contest alive and the bowling was tight.

Both eventually managed to up the rate slightly, which was all that was needed really with a low total. A streaky edged 4 to the standout NCI bowler helped, and there was boundaries over long on and to deep square that I recall, before Fardell was bowled trying to up the stakes in the 11th over. Dan came out to get Ant going, and he did, forcing Ant to cover ground and run singles like only Dan can. There were some nice smites down the the ground (quite a lot to cow corner) and we cruised to the total with some aggressive hitting from Dan and Ant, both finishing not out on 31 and 24 respectively and with more than 4 overs to spare.

2 league fixtures, 2 wins. Afterwards a few retired to the Red Bull for the customary refreshments, whilst the opposition stayed at the ground for a bit, drinking cloudy looking homemade hooch from a flagon bottle, which seemed a bit weird and hillbilly for cricket, but each to their own. There was some solid chat on the What's App group from T about his dog as well.

The latest addition to the Jags roster

Jags put new Threads to good Use

Jags (107-4 Alfeldi 25*, Kingsmill 25*, Bennet 13*, Humby 2-20) beat Dobblers 106-7 (Pringle 28, Mitchell 15, Robinson 3-22) by 6 wickets

MOTM - Tyler Bennet

We turned up against old friends, the Dobblers, at Kings and Selwyn College ground tonight. The evening was notable for two things at the outset. 

First up, Captain fantastic had sourced some new club gear, fully branded and sponsored by Brand Recruitment, one of the many entrprenuerial ventures of Jag, and club friend, Mr Steve Mann. His barometer for entrepreneurial success is: it's a business; I own a bit of it; and it hasn't collapsed in a heap yet owing cash money to the tax man. By this criteria, it is currently a storming success of an enterprise, making enough money to partially sponsor an amateur cricket team. We felt all shiny and new, trying on our hats and shirts, named and what not. If you are recruiting or looking to be recruited in marketing, well, that's what they do - I can't tell you if they're actually any good, but click on the link and you might see something on their website that is relevant to you. Steve briefly joined us at the ground to check his new logo had been printed correctly before jetting off to the costa-del-Helsinki.

That's an interesting choice of colour, Steve

The other thing that was notable was the giant square at Kings had two tracks prepared, one at the extreme either end of the square, and neither looked to have been rolled or cut. The outfield was in a similar state. It felt very much like a village cricket pitch, and not one of the fancy villages. More like one of those villages where the village sign has been knocked over; the pub doesn't do hot food; the village shop has metal bars on the doors and windows; and caravans are for sale in the nearby vicinity.

Matt lost the toss, which turned out to mean we all got to the pub a little earlier than expected, and Dobblers chose to bat. Tyler opened at one end with a classic display of mean bowling, using the green top to good effect. A bye was conceded and the number 2 batsman did not fancy it at all, missing a couple before seeing the off peg uprooted by one with some fine lateral movement for what I believe was an opening wicket maiden. In truth, this was one of our only wickets of the night which the bowler actually deserved. More anon.

Barker opened the bowling at the other end, off a good weekend spell of bowling. However he was hit by a curse of the, erm, midweek bowling yips??, and couldn't seem to control the recently sourced and finely tailored Reader's ball, conceding a few extras and making life for the skip behind the stumps very challenging. Tyler continued with threat and verve, combined with economy, and Barker was pulled out of the attack after one over, to allow Ed Robinson to come and have a twirl. Dobbler's skipper, Sam, was in to bat and hit a few nice shots, as did the first opener. 

Ed's bowling was, erm, well let's be honest, it was absolute shit. The length was all over the shop, he couldn't find his line and on another night he would have been murdered. Tonight however, it seemed that bowling badly was somehow an inspired move, as he offered a double bounce freebie to the batsman who promptly spooned it in the air to Dan on the offside. This wicket caused the other batsman to panic, and he pushed one gently inside the circle to the onside shortly thereafter, then pushed the other batsman to run a suicidal single. Mr Kingsmill, with all the time in the world, delivered the ball to the waiting Parrish to gently remove the bails.

The next batsman came in and Ed decided that, well my naff ball worked last time, so let's try that again, bowled it short and wide, and the batsman pitched it gently up in the air for Dan to catch. An eventful over, it must be said. Tyler continued to look threatening and economic, but must have also been utterly confused as to how his really rather good bowling wasn't getting any more wickets, when batsmen were literally throwing wickets away to Ed.

Perhaps sensing the quizzical thoughts in Tyler's head, Ed duly obliged with another short wide half tracker in his next over, and the batsman gently chipped it high to the offside for Kris to catch - an almost carbon copy of one of his other wickets. Around this point Phillips did a thing, stopping a ball at slip with his foot in a way that it almost looped up to the keeper. We can all imaginen what Phillips' celebration would have looked like here, if he had tried to take credit for something he had clearly not intended.

It had, in truth, been an odd series of wickets. 3 practice catches offered from some dross bowling, and a run out which was pure harakiri. Still, they all look the same in the book. Ed then decided to show everyone that he can actually bowl, putting some nice lines and much more consistency together. The result of this actual decent bowling was he got no more wickets this evening. Cricket is a confusing game at times.

Two Dobblers strung a partnership together for a bit, one batsman was wheezing rather a lot and calling for water or a spliff, which seemed an odd pairing. The other batsman looked pretty technically correct, and they started to grind out something like a respectable score. Threadgold was tossed the cherry for a bit, and there was a very notable contribution in the field from Kris, chasing one down on a short boundary and hauling it back. Matt also did his best to hide me in the field, although hiding a Mr Stay Puft lookalike is quite hard in a field, Matt.

I ain't afraid of no ducks...

Threadgold was bowling pretty well in truth, and he was partnered at the other end by Mr Phillips, who was bowling an erratic line. Threadgold eventually winkled out the top scorer, he hit it past the bowler, but Brett was equal to it, diving forward at short mid off to take a good catch just off the turf. Barker replaced Phillips, who went wicketless, and kept the extras coming. 

Barker eventually saw off the more technically correct of the decent batsmen, who was through the shot a little too quickly, and gifted it to Tobias at mid off. The partnership had got Dobblers within touching distance of 100. They had one, how shall we say, non-player, and one bowler/wicket keeper in Askew batting at the death. Askew took a gift from Threadgold, a half tracker, and dispatched it over square, then pinched the strike for the last over, bowled by Liam "Offspin" Brett, and they clawed their way to 106/7. Anything sub 120 is very very hard to defend. Stranger things have happened though.

Given the total and in our eagerness to make sure all Jags get a decent go, Matt opened with Brett and Kingsmill. Brett hit a nice 2 and was then bowled leg stump to a very nice early ball from one opener. Will was then joined by Kris, and both set about flaying the ball all about, Kris hitting a couple of straight 4's and one lovely legside 6 that I recall, and Will hit a very nice offside 4 that I recall. The game was quickly beyond the Dobblers, as Jags were 52/1 from 7. Kris retired and Fardell waddled out - and found scoring difficult. I was facing the same bowling as Will and Kris but I was playing it a touch more, respectfully, perhaps?! Will then bludgeoned a couple of 4's on his way to 25 not out - two he hit to the deep square fielder, the skipper no less, who allowed both to go over the rope. One was eminently catchable, but it wasn't to be and Will got his first 25* for the the Jags in, maybe ever.... not sure, I'll need to consult the annals of Jags history.

Tobias joined Fardell, and in the spirit of proceedings was there for a good time. He hammered a ball back over the bowler's head for 4 and did a great spot in mastering the trick of being left handed, so confusing the life out of the Captain and fielding team. Some decent running and a couple of more legside swipes saw Tobias accelerate to 18 off 12, before one swipe too many saw his off peg pushed back with a good cross body ball.

Phillips strolled out and Fardell and he managed to try and make the game interesting by basically building a short partnership on the solid foundations of: not scoring much; and trying to run each other out. 9 overs, 71 runs scored, and no danger, so why not?!

Fardell was out spooning one to mid off for 12 off 16 balls and Phillips managed to see out 7 consecutive dot balls. Tyler, elevated up the order, joined Phillips. Tyler slashed one over the backward point region and didn't get out for a bit - but Phillips scraped 4 off 11 balls, eventually pulling one to the Dobblers skipper, who finally held onto one - well done Sam. 

Threadgold and Bennet saw us home, with Bennet scoring a couple of 4's and Dan pushing the running. A wicket, some good bowling, sealing the win and his top ever batting score - Tyler was an easy MOTM pick - although Kris and Will both had respectable shouts too.

Afterwards we retired to the Red Bull for pizza and beer, as is tradition - but found the beer garden (on a glorious sunny evening) had been taken over by a pub quiz. One pub quiz round was themed, "Lesser known facts about Royals" and another was (honest to goodness) themed, "9/11 Facts". It felt like the Samaritans switchboard was going to get some calls later that evening. 

I won't be hitting their pub quiz any time soon - although the pizza remains good and it's always nice playing the Dobblers.