Young'uns and and Old'uns

One of the many many nice things about the Jags - cricket, pizza, beers, attempts at chat - is the way it aligns young and old. We always have some under 18's with some guys in the 40's, and we all get along and have a laugh. I think of it as a way for the old to feel young and the young to get an insight into adult life, and probably realise that just because we're old, doesn't mean we have it all figured out or have any good chat or ability at sport and we're just as immature as when we were their age.

How old I currently feel...

It also allows some hilarity to occur. In the pub after our last game I was chatting to Joe and Felix and mentioned that one of the funny things about being older than they is that I have all these cultural reference points that mean absolutely nothing to them. The films, TV shows, albums and books of my youth are often completely unknown to those in their teens and twenties. 

I gave an example - X Files - easily a top 5 show from my youth. We all watched. Everyone had a crush on Scully. We all wanted to grow up join the FBI and find aliens. Anyone over 35. Joe and Felix looked bemused when I said, "X Files, we all watched it". Felix said, "what's that" and Joe said, "sounds like a crap sequel to Love Island". I could have died laughing then and there, whilst eating a lemon and chicken pizza, and been a happy man.

The kids are alright.

Killer Queens - Dynamite with a Laser Beam

Jags 181/5 (Cattle 51, Barker 44, Mailes 22, Nair 23-2) beat Cambourne Bombers 142/7 (Ashman 31, Nair 32, Mailes 18-2, Holmes 22-2, Brett 33-2) by 39 runs.

MOTM - Cattle/Barker/Mailes - I just couldn't choose.

Games against Cambourne we've had a lot of fun, but also tended to lose, in tight good natured affairs. The game last year we kept dropping the club captain (Hi, Freddie Meldal!) and he top scored and we lost. Catches win you something or other I've been told. This year I went at it with recruitment, and had in theory elicited the support of Mr Histon Overseas, Darren Butler. As an organiser when you get texts on the afternoon of the game, your heart sinks. And so it was this week. 

Butler texted me to say he couldn't make it owing to train issues between the unspecified location he was at and the place he was supposed to be. I checked Trainline, and I couldn't find a cancellation in the whole of the UK of any train, full size, miniature or otherwise. I debated calling National Rail, but opted against being on hold for an hour just to then ask, "are there any train problems anywhere in the UK"? Kav also cancelled owing to his culinary exploits, this week was a pizza place he wanted to try which is apparently rather good. We literally play at Queens most week down the road from a pub that specialises in pizza, but whatever Trevor.

I managed to recruit Joe Swinton and Felix joined us so we would have to play with 10, or would we.... Barker turned up not in the XI just to say hi, then saw we were short so jumped in his car and safely and carefully drove home to get his kit and join the action against Cambourne. 

Cattle and Mailes opened again and it was absolutely carnage from the off. Cattle hit 3 4's in the first over and generally looked again like a man who knows which end of the bat to hold. Not to be outdone, Mailes hit 3 4's from the first over he faced and both continued at a clip, with the trademark offside punch he does so well, and the hitting it late but with brutish power. Cattle hit a 4 then a 6 and the six was a bit of a, what did I just see. Straight bat, perfect timing, straight back over the bowler's head for 6 with all the fielders just watching it sail onwards and upwards.

Queen - We are the Champions (maybe)

Mailes fell edging behind for a rapid 22 off 18. Tilda Swinton joined the fray and played a late cut 4 first ball to show Cattle that he also knows which parts of the bat do what. Cattle perished just after getting to a ridiculous 50 off 21 balls, bowled to one that kept a little low. 

A word for the pitch this week, which was really quite good. I don't know how the groundsman does it in this weather, but he had served up a blinder this week, carry and pace and nice bounce. Gorgeous. A word as well for Holmes, Parrish, Brett and Threadgold who are playing golf for a few days after this game, so chose not to put too much effort in tonight. Dan brought his son, Charlie, to spectate. Lovely little boy he is; future Jag I hope.

Felix joined Joe for a bit and hit some gorgeous little shots. A punchy 4 to the on side sticks in the mind. 90-2 from 10 and again, big total in the offing. We had some pictures shared from the Savage clan, down in the big smoke with some of the pro cricketing to watch.

Tilda fell trying to force the pace and was bowled. Barker then strolled out, imperiously and set straight about his task with vim and vigour, taking a like to Gadsby and got his trademark slog sweep more than once. He and Felix put on a nice partnership, and Felix was unlucky to fall bowled to a quicker one that moved in through the air and then gripped the seam and moved in some more. Barker kept at it - scoring all round and engaging in some banter with his Cambourne brethren before falling bowled for 44 off 29. I went out for a bit with Piers, and faced some really odd bowling - offspin in theory but mostly just all over the place. Piers cut one Chinese style for 4 and we got to the end of the innings clearing 180 again, which was nice. 

It had been a slow evening, so pizza was in peril. Cattle mentioned he fancied keeping, so he did.

Brett got us going at one end, and was hit for a couple of nice looking 4's. Holmes then had a funny start (much better than last week). Left arm over the wicket to a right hander so the batsman insisted on the sight screen being moved. This took 2-3 minutes. Then he was clean bowled first ball....The other opener fell to Brett, caught nicely by Mailes.

Jake and Brett carried on - Brett getting hammered a bit in one over, before saving a ball for the end. Matt was really protecting his golfing weekend at this point, putting himself nice and deep, and not chasing anything too hard. Jake was bowling like a secret weapon, super hard to score from. 

Barker got the next, again caught by Mailes - who was everywhere tonight and but for the Cattle 50 and the Barker effort would have been an absolute shoo in for solo man of the match. A word for Cattle behind the stumps as well who was smooth and deliberate in every movement. Jakey got the next with an absolutely mega weekend quality ball, bowled top of top of middle with verve and movement and some panache. Hats off Sherlock.

I had been exhorting people to win the chat of the day award, but people were too focused on the crickety things. Durrani of Cambourne strolled out and he used to have a Gopro TikTok channel thing where he streamed him facing balls. He has stopped all that stuff. This prompted his batting partner to put up the best chat of the night with a comment that, "without his GoPro, his centre of balance is off, so if he falls over, that's why". Should have bought that man a pint. 

Mailes bowled nice and got Mr Durrani caught and bowled. Swinton was in slips to protect a groin injury and not be in the game too much, but somehow ever other ball seemed to come his way. Fraser got his full complement of overs, and was again bowling well, but it is also somewhere between cricket and interpretive dance. One batsman liked him a bit, but it was just late in the game swinging. Mailes got the next with the ball chipped up to me at mid off, nice and easy little catch that. I also slid around in the field, as I love pretending to be Jonty Rhodes.

Brett got the last, bowled with a beauty and the game long since lost. There was some Sherlock Holmes chat, which didn't quite land - and Barker bowled well at the death.

Pub attendance was good, we ordered badly and ended up with 9 pizza - but finished them all. Mr Ollie Hind - he of the 3 children under 3 - even joined for a beer and a pizza, which was nice.

 

In place of our first ever overseas player we still had Fraser, our foreign exchange student from France. 

Debutants Down Ditton

Jags 182/4 (Wilson 51*, Parrish 50*, Harding 18-1) beat Fen Ditton 119/5 (Gardner 25, Sethu 28, F Christie 5-1) by 63 Runs

MOTM - Wilson

Last week we had our first ever game cancelled owing to player availability. I must confess this left me down in the dumps a bit - it was almost entirely down to the England Kickball and people wanting to see if we could win da ting, but 17 seasons was a long streak to never have to have called off a game for anything other than weather. I think the lads and the wider network sensed my disappointment as there was a good solid push for availability this week and the chaps came through in fine style, with a big total, two debuts, nice weather and Fen Ditton as opposition doing a nice generally nice job.

I was glad we were at Queens, notwithstanding that it has not played that true this year owing to the heatwaves we've had. I both like and don't like playing at Fen Ditton. I don't like the ground as it slopes downhill at an alarming rate that is more akin to a decent red run in ski season, it has a random cemetary in one corner, and every single corner of the ground seems to be a place you can lose a ball if it crossed the boundary. However it is next to the Plough in Fen Ditton which is a beautiful pub in which to imbibe a riverside pint. 

We lost the toss and were generously put into by the Fen Ditton midweek skipper perhaps sensing that we had some runs in us.

Fen Ditton - Spooky

Cattle and Mailes started really well with Cattle spanking an early 4 and Mailes into his stride with some very punch offside action quite early on. The pace was rapido to start on the scoring front and this new opening partnership had a blast. Mailes got to 18 off 12 balls before he got Savaged - Ben giving him out LBW. Mailes was low, not bat involved, he was deep in his crease, and from my position of square leg umpire, it looked plumber than pudding - but Mailes looked annoyed anyway at being giving out by Mr Trigger Finger.

Cattle was joined by the other new boy J Wilson, and he quickly oozed class. These two kept up some rapid pace with a whipped 4 behind square, a late cut 4 and Cattle hit an actual honest to goodness cover drive for 3. He fell caught and bowled through one a little quickly that probably stuck in the pitch as they all do at the moment. 

Mr "Pinch Hitter" Baker was in at 4 and hammered two 4's from the first two balls he faced, both to long on, looking in a rush to his 16. Mr Wilson, I'm fairly sure looked him up and down and said, "ah, this is the sort of cricket we're playing" and started to realise it was fun time at the Queens College Corral. 

He then unfurled a whipped backward square 6, a straight as an arrow 4, and absolutely positively looked like the gunniest batsman in his family on his way to 51* from 31 balls. He also hit a 4 that was surely a 6 on pretty much every ground in the land. Except this one. And it was in the air for, let's say 10 or 15 seconds before it fell to earth. 

Baker fell chipping it back to the bowler bringing Parrish out. He's had his steroid injections to fix his troublesome hand, and boy did it show. With no helmet, and taking advantage of the right arm around bowler to basically stand like a baseball player as LBW was out the picture, he took at it. He even hit the worst 6 you will ever see - cross batted, straight back over the bowler's head, but only just, and flat all the way to the boundary. He's been down the gym I reckon. Mr Wilson finished with 4 consecutive 4's and then decided to retire, allowing Fraser to jog out for a bit.

Sawyer and Holmes very kindly turned up before the first innings was over. Thanks gents. 

I also need to mention that their keeper was wearing running shorts and the fielding was a little on the generous side. Parrish continued to do the business, although he did run Fraser out late in the game then himself chose to retire on 50. Savage was still umpiring and caught some shade for texting the WhatsApp group whilst umpiring.

The last few balls were therefore left to Sawyer and myself. We found some runs where runs perhaps should not exist. I managed to run a single, I was really quite proud of this, hitting it straight back to the bowler, who turned round and threw the ball away from the stumps allowing us to sneak on through despite the ball not having left the the square. 182-4. Big numbers again.

Brett and Holmes got us going with Mailes behind the stumps for the funsies. Holmes started bowling like a man who had never played cricket before, and finishing bowling like a man who in fact does know how to play cricket. I will also suggest that Matt's chat of the day here was quite apt. After his first over went for 13 runs, Matt said, "Maybe you could put away the tactical bouncer and deploy the tactical yorker next over". Holmes had a look like a man who was not amused. Brett started good and stayed good, Holmes just got back to normal after an opening over that was curious.

Brett castled one opener with one that did some things. Baller things. Mailes was usefully adept behind the stumps and was clearly enjoying himself doing it. Holmes went wicketless, but his last two overs were as clean as you will see in this form of middling cricket. Wilson bowled, and Cattle did after telling everyone he was more of a wicket keeper. Wilson caught and bowled one I think, the Play Cricket scorebook is a bit ambiguous on most points here as it didn't recognise Wilson or Cattle and my timing in writing this is slightly off and I've slightly forgotten. Cattle I'm pretty sure caught and bowled one too. Again, hard to read. They did goodly stuff though. Both of them.

Benjamin Savage his his thing from his favourite end, very tidy and hard to score from, but bowling later in the game than is customary. He eventually bowled one with his rage ball, the one where he has not somehow got wickets for a few balls when he clearly deserved them, so he gets angry and picks on the weakest batsman and almost knocked him over.

Sawyer bowled and erm it was a lot. I think he bowls legspin, but it was mostly what-da-heck-is-dat. Good balls and absolutely head height garbage. 

At this point Matt heard the latest nickname for Sawyer, "Baby Guinness" for the first time and couldn't stop laughing. The chat is here every week buddy, just keep turning up.

Fraser then came into to finish things with, as Sawyer said it, the skip-eagle-trigger-shuffle-bowling action. It was very effective, and he saw one caught by Sawyer taking a tough high one at mid/long off sort of spot.

It was a little one sided but fun - when you put that many on the board it's hard to know where to go as the second side. You need at least one of your openers to go all Chris Gayle on it.

Pub attendance was amazing, we made pizza just in time and both new boys realised early doors that pub attendance is important - so we hope they wish to come back again.

Dobblered

Jags 175/7 - (Parrish 77, Brett 23*, Barker 20, Aman 28-2) beat Dobblers 125-7 (Hema 55, MacGregor 33*, B Savage 7-3) by 50 runs

MOTM - Parrish (with an honorable mention to Ben Savage)

We've had a fair few lovely games with Dobblers over the years, most notably when Sam was the organiser. They're a proper pub team, with their opening batsman taking this particularly seriously by having two pints before the game (and still hitting some runs), and their assembled fans smoking rollies and drinking warm beers on a picnic table whilst watching. This week was Queens and owing to a late medical drama, we were ten as Holmes couldn't make it. Frantic texts and calls to all corners didn't help, so 10 it was. What a 10 mind.

Matt won the toss and batted and he opened with Barker. Both got us going at quite a lick, with James whipping a nice legside 4 and a lovely over the top one as well that I can recall. The pitch was spongey and slow, like it had been watered way too much quite recently. Barker eventually perished as a direct result of this, hitting through a ball way too early and it went high into the offside ring.

I think maybe this is more my game in my advancing years

I joined Matt for a bit and continue to look as scratchy as a cat with blunt claws. I got a couple of dangerous singles, a terrible 2 that should have been caught and then hit my one and only genuine cricket shot of the last few games, a straight defensive covering off stump that somehow I edged through to the keeper with a feather touch. A genuine first for me being caught by a keeper off an edge. At this point I think I need to just stop the old brain thinking and start doing some hitting.

Threadgold joined Matt in an old school Jags partnership, and there was some top quality running between the wickets, Matt into his stride and then looking in great nick despite his recent medical maladies. The ability of these gents to turn 1's into 2's and 2's into 3's is quite a sight to behold. Good running at this stage easily added 10/12 or so to our final score.

Seeing Parrish back in full flow is a joy to behold, and one wallop back over the bowler's head for a once bounce 4 was particularly lovely to watch.

I made a comment in the chat at this point that scoring was slow. It wasn't in truth, but scoring off the bat was in some overs - mainly as several balls were so wide you couldn't have hit them with go go gadget arms. Mr Extras had a great week again; always a strong candidate for Jag of the season. Matt took some offence at me suggesting scoring was slow when we convened in the pub - which, for the record, is fair. I have to put words in the chat though otherwise how can our legions of committed followers who hang on my every word...

Dan hit a couple of punchy 4's, and both continued to set feats of athleticism, with their pushing the run rate at pace, causing errors in the field in the process. Dan perished chipping it back to the bowler, and Matt was joined by Piers and around about then he got a well deserved 50. He even let more loose, hitting 3 consecutive 4's, taking on some water, and eventually fell, bowled.

Brett and Piers were then in the middle for a bit, another old school partnership with Jagex player support vibes all over it. Piers was doing his best Fardell impression at times, although he did hit one straight through the bowler that didn't go for 4 for reasons I cannot quite understand. Brett's third ball he hammered it for 6 - straight over the bowler and into the trees. It went so high it hurt the Earth where it landed. 

Brett was keen to take the Sawyer role here - hitting it this way and that away with no defence in sight - on his was to 23 from 9 balls. The pitch continued to be a marvel, and Piers fell last over - hitting it quite hard back at the bowler who made a good catch. If he hadn't have made the catch his nose would have been broken/McSmashed, so sad as I was to see Piers out, I'm glad no serious injuries happened. More tobacco smells filled the air and the assembled Dobblers had got the pork piers out - it was a rare old day.

Cooper did his bit for the team, edging one, and then ran himself out pushing for the second. Brett hit a couple wristy 4's once Ollie gave him the strike and was run out last ball giving up on the 3rd run. 175/7 is another big score.

Half time refreshment, Dobbler's style.

We only had ten so there was a gap in the field, but when you open with two Savages bowling, it scarcely matters. We also had the wonderful sight of Barker behind the stumps with his finest furry brimmed hat on - taking the mantle of best hat of the week from the absent Holmes.

Ben opened with firesome force, left arm over can be a tricky action to face, and he was hitting his straps and bowling some genuine weekend cricketer stuff, only conceding 1 off his first over. At the other end, Ollie was doing a very long run up, but not bowling at quite the pace the run up suggested he was going to deliver, and conceded an early legside wide to one that did quite a lot.

The 5th over, Ben's third, was the Action Jackson of the piece. One of the openers was desperately unlucky to fall to one that hit the ground on a good length around leg, then bounced precisely 2 centimetres from the ground and hit the stumps, poor chap. A couple of balls later there was an all action run out - the batsman tipped it to the legside and pushed for a non-existent run. I picked it up quite casually and then threw it sort of in the direction of the keeper's end, close ish - but not too close, so Barker had to do some work (lazy students!), and he broke the stumps with the man well short of his ground. The batsman was livid for some reason, and threw his bat away in disgust. Ben had two balls to go and the first castled their skipper, decent length, awful awful attempt at a shot, and middle and off stump were discombobulated. The final one was an absolute terror of a ball, the batsman pressed forward and tried a really quite nice looking forward defensive on most of his off stump, but the ball hit a good length on middle, weaved slightly past the bat and kissed the top of off. It wouldn't have looked out of place in an Onyx 1 game.

A Jags team hat trick and Ben on a hat trick himself next ball! This was the over that did the business.

Ollie continued, wicketless and Ben did a fine act of jug avoidance, but his last over was a maiden to leave him with some pretty stonking figures of 4-1-7-3 and just the two wides to blot the copybook. On another day he would have been an easy MOTM contender and certainly merits a mention.

On this day, our favourite Savage was clearly Mr Benjamin Savage.

Ollie got carted about a bit in his last over. We were then treated to Mr French cricket, Fraser Christie, bowling taking over from Ben. It was beautiful to watch from the side, but the batsman also thought it was rather lovely and cashed in on some wayward lengths. Brett, our favourite second change bowler, took over from Ollie. The 2 beer deep batsman was delighted not to have to face any Savages anymore and hit a couple of 4's, one of which I probably could have stopped, but I just sort of stood there and watched it go. I made up for it next ball by running and sliding for the cameras. Fraser continued, and the batsman got to his 50 from some more variable length stuff.

The next wicket to fall as the self same batsman, having played well it must be said, Ollie made an absolutely lovely catch at long on from Liam's bowling. It was one of those where it looked great, but you sort of wonder if it looked great because he made hard work of it by running the wrong way and then the right way and then snaffling it. The sun was low in the sky so I cannot 100% tell.

Cooper did some excellent economic bowling, chirp was solid, and Mr Metronome himself kept joining those dots. The chat started turning to pizza - and would we get to the pub in time to order it, and one of the batsmen clearly heard this and decided to re-check is guard and do some mild gardening between every ball.

Piers did a good Fardell inspired sliding fielding thing on the boundary, Matt set some great fields and was in on the action at long on a few times, and Piers Morgan came to bowl near the death with the game truly unwinnable for Dobblers long long ago at this point. Piers was a bit all over the shop, which was quite funny and at this level often helps get wickets. There was a quite funny exchange where he bowled a wide, Barker showed him the gloves and said, "bowl it at the gloves", and I said, "it's the only way it's getting near them". 

The batsman continued his between balls ritual - he must really fucking hate Pizza, us or both, and Cooper got a run out, with Pier and Barker combining more successfully to get the job done. 

Piers finished us up with an ok over, and got a wicket last ball with a stumping when the batsman danced out of his crease to hit runs in a lost cause.

There was excellent pub attendance and we just made it in time for food (Hoorah!). They do a student special, beer and a pizza for a tenner, but give the students a mini pizza (which I found quite amusing), so those of us who had ordered full size ones ended up sharing it with the ravenous teenagers in our midst. 

There was some excellent chat about Histon players that have left, and a really good conversation about how drink driving is really bad, but used to be regarded as totally fine.

Slam Dunk da Monk

IPH 117/3 (Thed 25*, Pavan 25*, D'Silva 25*, Holmes 2-28) beat Jags 116/6 (Muzzah 58*, Brett 19, Parrish 15) by 7 wickets.

MOTM - Muzzah

The scorebook is an absolute mess and ergo cannot be relied upon for the basics so this is a best efforts abbreviated match report. 

England were playing the Democratic Republic of Congo in a World Cup knockout fixture and availability of the players was therefore somewhat limited. There is something about any nation that has a name like, "Democratic Republic" that suggests to me a chequered past or present, it's got a weird nominative affirmative quality to it, like the country is trying to scream to the world not-at-all-convincingly that it is absolutely definitely democratic and totally legit or something. Having said that, I know not an awful lot of about DR Congo (other than that they played some pretty good kickball against England by all accounts) and that the full name of our nation is the "United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland" which in these times, you could really pick apart just as easily.... 

Anyway enough politics/random stuff that's in my head. This team are called IPH, but I think it's one of the many guises that the Old Monks go under, a team of travelling cricket afficionados who play well wherever they go and seem to have an endless rolodex of good cricketers. Owing to the football we had 8 players scraped together, and were pleased just to get a game on at the the lovely Queens. Matt was back from Chicago and fresh off a steroid injection was ready to skipper and bat again. Hoorah. I ended up opening with Brett mainly as I had some kit on around the start point, and lasted 4 balls - three prodigious away swingers were followed by a straight in swinger that pinned me absolutely plumb LBW. I'm no longer good at cricket, if I ever was, but I've also had the misfortune to face mostly good accurate at the stumps bowling in all the 50 odd balls I've faced this year - and as is often the case with cricket, the gods are for you or against you at any given point, and there is nothing you can do about it. Perhaps that is why this particular group use a religious theme; hoping to curate the favour of the cricket gods.

Holy Rollers?

Brett and Parrish got down to business, it was nice to see the skipper back and bits I recall where a cover drivey type shot and Brett hitting it high repeatedly using a combination of golf and cricket in equal measure. Having plundered 10 from an over, Brett continued to go hard and lofted one to the offside that was snaffled. Parrish kept going, with Dale, who I think was caught and Jake was then bowled, bringing Muzzah to the crease and lowly number 6, mainly as his dad had turned up without his kit so he had to bat lower down. Scoring picked up at this point, a late cut, lovely pull and some classic Parrish biffing got the game going. Parrish eventually fell caught high ish for 15, but it was nice to see him doing the business again in any form. Muzzah had to retire on 29* (to return later), and Dan was out for a bit before being bowled right arm around. 

Speaking of which we had a lot of weird bowling here - left arm round, right arm round, and one guy who bowled left arm round and right arm round in the same over... Oz joined proceedings for a bit with his son, who got 50 and then Oz was bowled. The skipper of the opposition graciously allowed us to have one of more terrible batsmen come back in to give them a total to bat towards and Holmes followed up his 0 with 14. Muzzah cruised to 50, all class and no cabbage, and his 50 celebration coincided with Harry Kane scoring for England.

116/6 was never going to be enough on a spongey wicket against a team almost exclusively comprised of cricketers, and given we would have a very gappy field with 8, there would be runs scored with ease.

We started well with Brett and Dale doing really nice things and the batsmen playing and missing or defending mostly. Dale did his best Morgan Yaxley impression and Muzzah behind the stumps was absolute butter with the gloves, standing up and taking fast stuff easily. Jake did some bowling, there was some chat, Harry Kane scored to defeat an impoverished and war torn African nation in the kickball, and we just enjoyed basically riffing off each other and bantering in the a field on a Wednesday evening. Holmes with his pink hat, Matt chuntering away and ranking my chat between "Phillips" and "actually quite funny" depending what inane chatter I came up with lately. Wickets didn't fall and they took their time against a modest total, but we honestly couldn't care less. 

Oz bowled, and owing to "excessive late spin" according to the umpire, he had a couple of wides given and gave the umpire a few pieces of his mind.

Then Barker arrived and things suddenly livened up. He was dressed in non-cricket attire having umpired or scored at some sort of professional game involved Essex Ladies, but somehow had his spikes to hand, and came on to bowl, getting a wicket first ball LBW. Holmes then got one, chipped high and caught in the ring by Mr Parrish (who honestly made it look like a worldy purely by massively misjudging it), and he got another skied to I think Barker himself - the effervescent Lassie turning up and make the game all fun and exciting all of a sudden. It might have been Parrish, who knows, I'm giving it to Barker for giving us a flourish of a finish.

Parrish finished off the bowling - a true sight to behold, and the umpire did not want to give the extras that his wayward bowling merited as that is a bad way to finish a game. I was briefly warmed up to have a bowl, but the skipper thought better of it - better not take the piss eh chaps.

In the end, they got there, but we didn't care. A makeshift 8/9 had played the full 40 overs, done some cricketing things, and definitively won the banter battle. The sensible finish time meant we retired to the Red Bull, had pizza and beer and Oz told me how he'd used to get drunk in my garden when the previous owners were then the current owners, and there had been a secret back gate that no longer exists. Different times.