Jags the Winners in the Trendy New Format

Jags 123-6 (Fardell 26*, Threadgold 18, Brett 17*, Jim 2-7, Nusrat 2-16) beat Sharks 116-4 (R Smith 25*, Jim 22, Ralph 21*, Brett 2-30) by 7 runs

Jags and Sharks resumed their friendly competitive rivalry in the late, dark and cold environs of Kings and Selwyn College sports ground. Given how late in the season it was, and given how both teams are pioneers in new and interesting ways to play cricket, we agreed to go with a slightly modified version of the "Hundred" format this week to save on light and time. And, you know, because we're down with the kids and what not. 

To those of you who don't know, the Hundred is a new format dreamt up by some marketing dude to get young people into cricket. It involves 10 "overs" of ten balls with each bowler bowling sets of 5, and up to 20 balls in total each. There are some other funky rules I could write down here for you, but honestly, go to wikipedia, it's a good source for information. Heck, I've use wikipedia to provide legal advice for years, and so far I have not been sued, so there you go 

 We are trendy...

The Hundred format we have seen on TV involves live infographics with the score, dancing entertainers (male, female and gender non binary - we're all 'woke' nowadays), fireworks and celebrity players. We substituted these flamboyant bits for basic levels of low level banter. My honest to goodness favourite thing about the Hundred is that it is sponsored by KP Snacks, which means each team has a shirt adorned with one of Butterkist, KP, Tyrrell's, Skips, Hula Hoops, McCoys, Pop-chips or Pombear. You can essentially choose your team based on the the type of confectionary you prefer.

 Mmmm, Tasty.

Speaking of which, I think your choice of confectionary tells you a lot about a person. If you went on a date with someone and they indicated a preference for Tyrrell's, you know you're in for an expensive and high class night that might involved some jazz, and holding hands if you're really lucky. If you similarly went on a date with someone who hankered for Hula Hoops, your budget won't need to go far beyond the pound saver menu at McDonald's, but you you know you might be in for some full-on-funsies at the end of the evening. Anyway, I digress.

Jags won the toss and opted to bat. At this stage of the year, if you win the toss and bat first, then the odds are fairly heavily stacked in your favour - not to take anything away from the excitement that followed. 

Parrish and Fardell opened the batting together and scoring was initially quite challenging, with good bowling and brilliant fielding, plus the novelty of the new format causing some confusion. We got ticking in the end with a few shots that were certain 4's but for some inspired boundary fielding from the Sharks, but still managed to scamper 2 or 3 here and there. Parrish sadly perished early, bowled taking on one of the openers skipping out of his crease and hearing the top of off disturbed. Threadgold joined Fardell for a bit and some decent running kept us skipping along, but the boundaries were proving elusive. Fardell was doing his best Dom Sibley impression, scoring at a glacial pace. Dan forced things somewhat, it's our third partnership in three weeks and he knows he has to push me! We hit out first boundary around the 45th ball of the innings - it was a slow start despite the theoretically rapid new format.

Dan was still hitting the ball nicely, one to deep midwicket in particular sticks in the mind, deep in the crease, one step across and wallop it was. Also a lovely late cut to third man. He turned down the odd extra run to save his/my legs, and I was very grateful for the odd rest. Dan accelerated past me in about 4 or 5 balls and kept it going until he chipped one up and was caught by the wicket keeper - who did that incredibly stupid looking thing where he caught it easily, then threw himself on the floor as though he had dived and just made it. There are no cameras here, and everyone thinks you're a wally - chap.

Dan's demise bought a season debut for Langley. Tobias was ever present in our abbreviated season last year, but owing to romantic commitments this year he has been unable to be our stalwart. We are delighted to welcome him back, if for no other reason than it is a new beard to admire and his level of chat is more PhD than BTEC. Tobias entered the action missing one outside off and hitting his own leg with the bat - it's been a long, cold, netless winter for Tobias. I finally scored a boundary, hoorah, and Tobias got some runs by pushing the ball around, but sadly fell caught propping it up to a bowler who has gone into the book as, "Young Lad".

Brolia joined Fardell and hit his first or second ball for 4, absolutely spanked to deep midwicket. I retired at this point with a 2, to get me to 26 off about 5000 balls, bringing Cob to the crease. Get your brooms out chaps. Brolia perished shortly thereafter, in controversial circumstances, maybe.... He thought the ball might have bounced twice before the crease and then dislodged the bails, but it hadn't and after a brief discussion, he walked off.

Will strolled out to join Cob and Cob did the Cob thing that we shall oh so miss when he goes to California. He scored with a lovely sweep, and then fell trying the identical same shot to the wrong ball. People say you should learn from your mistakes, Cob says, pass me a Newcastle Brown Ale and you can shove your education theory bollocks up your jacksie. One day he will hit a 25 in just sweeps, when he is 100 years old probably, and go, "there, told you so" and then take up bowls or something.

Venkat then strolled out, a late call up from the Histon 3's where he has had an absolutely brilliant season. He hit a single, Brett hit a single, then Venkat hit the shot of the evening, taking the slower bowler on, using the longer handle and his feet, and hitting a 6 straight back over the bowler's head and into the farmer's field beyond. Will scored a nice 4, a hilariously bad single or two before being caught off part time Shark bowler, Jim. We were probably a touch behind a good score at this point, but Brett walked in to partner Venkat and they absolutely got us to a defendable total. Brett hit and called for runs, Venkat silently did his thing, reading the situation, and saying absolutely nothing. Brett hit a couple of tasty 4s'e one in particular to midwicket was absolutely class, foot movement, shape and finding the gap nicely. An innings that had threatened to end in a not at all defendable 100 or so, pushed up to 123 - which felt much more likely to give us a shout.

The light was a problem at this point, so the changeover was quick and Brett opened for the Jags with Cob behind the stumps. Some initial fielding did not have the urgency required, I'm looking at you Phillips, so Sharks got off to a good start. One opener in particular (R Smith) was playing very well, picking gaps and offering a wide variety of shots to differing parts of the ground (although he loved the offside, loved it...), making field setting challenging. Venkat did a tandem thing with Liam for a bit and it worked quite well, with Venkat bowling well and Liam also bowling well. Will took a spell of 5, then Ant, and this lead to the second brilliant Venkat moment of the match. The ball was pushed to short midwicket, and the batsmen set off, Venkat attacked the ball, picked up and threw in one motion, and a direct hit run out ensued. The batsman jogged off, conceding he had not made his ground even as the umpire was trying to find ways to justify not giving him out. The honour and graciousness of evening cricket is an important part of the game.

It was pretty dark already at this point, batting was hard. Jeeva was in for the Sharks, he is a bit of a danger man, a gun bat, useful fielder and great bowler. A combination of Will, Liam and Venkat were bowling at this point and the other Shark was doing well. Jeeva got his eye in and then went to spank one over the bowler. His big mistake was being part of the third utterly brilliant thing that Venkat did this evening, a caught and bowled - where Venkat bowled a slightly faster ball than expected, then leapt like Michael Jordan and made a virtually impossible chance look incredibly routine. Your man of the match trophy is in the post, Venners.

Ant was having a day in the field, stopping a lot at backward point. Will was notably active, and Tobias put in a shift as the fielding standard was pretty good. Tyler also did a solid job boundary riding, and nothing came near me for ages - so I didn't make any mistakes.

Ant and Will partnered for a while and Ant's bowling resulting in some byes with his vicious pace and late movement being taken as byes and not wides. Dan gave him some crap for his bowling, Ant tried to blame it on Cob, and Cob was like, shut up dickhead. Tyler jumped in at the other end, fresh off a full day shift at McDonald's. One Sharks opener retired, but not before he was dropped. Dan was set at mid off to take an easy skied chance, before his ankle gave way. I'll be honest, the way he want down and the ball almost hitting him, I thought a swift trip to A and E was on the cards, but he was thankfully ok. The next Sharks batsman was a little fella, with lots of padding. I mean, he's been to Mr Cricket and bought ever guarding piece of clothing there is.

The next few overs were uneventful until Tyler got our second caught and bowled of the evening. He's been really great at bowling lately, putting in some useful lines, and good pace and variation. This was one such instance, having bowled quick and quick in succession, he took the pace a tiny bit off, deceiving the batsman into a chip that settled gracefully in his hands. 

Jim and Ralph the Sharks stalwarts were scoring nicely, but the rate was climbing and things were a challenge. Parrish put a couple of decent overs into the spell to give us enough bowling options, and Ant returned with his menace and verve. He hit a good length ball that was spanked towards me, and more out of luck than judgment it hit my shin (which is several shades of purple as I write this) and stopped a 4. Jim biffed a few more, before perishing to Brett, skying it high where Dan took an easy chance without rolling his ankle this time. Will came back into the attack and the last 10 balls came, with Sharks needing 25 or so from 10.

They were unlikely to make it, but they gave a good account of themselves, scoring (according to the book) 9 from the first set of 5 and needing 16 from the last 5. It got close, a no ball or a couple of wides and that would have been that, but it wasn't to be. It was bloody dark at the end as well.

So, that's it, our season ends with a win in an entirely new format. Pub attendance was great, lots of top chat, pizzas and beers and vague non-committal statements of, "yeah I'll make some of those end of season events" leaving my organising brain befuddled... Guys... yes... or ... no....

Bye, Sap - we're going to miss you!

Jags 123-6 (Fardell 26*, Threadgold 25*, Coslett 15, Brolia 15, Bread 2-27) beat Deloitte 109-9 (Rammer 32*, Ralph 28*, Nick 13, Dave 13, Will 3-10, Coslett 2-9) by 14 Runs

This week's game was at the same ground, with mostly the same team, but this week we had nice weather (yay!) and we sadly had to treat this as a testimonial for one of our favourite Jags of the season, Sap (boo). He's a one season wonder all the way from the US of A, but he has been a mainstay of the team this year, and we shall miss him. He has to return to the US - now that the presidency has changed, he feels obligated to go back to the motherland and do his part by re-joining a tolerant, liberal and caring society. 

Dick.

 USA! USA! 

A lovely ground at Queens and a strong Jags XI, sadly depleted by Cob not making it (bootycall/Lovell session/hangover*) - delete as appropriate. Matt won the toss against a gracious Deloitte side, who gave us a game when a game seemed unlikely, as we were taking a, "rest week" - i..e the chairman hadn't fucking booked anything.

Parrish skipped in to bat with Barker as opening partner, and the early bowling from the Deloitte stand-in skipper, Dave, was, well, wowsers. It was good. Like super good. He looked every inch the weekend cricketer I assume that he actually is, and scoring was very tough. 

Parrish managed to get a few, and Barker briefly kept him at bay, but sadly perished early to the other bowler, chipping a decent ball back to him high in the air. Threadgold moved out to join the action, freshly recovered from his latest brush with COVID. Don't stand too near him, you might catch goodness knows what. Parrish survived for a bit, but eventually the Deloitte skipper bowled a mad ball, and that was that. When I talked to Matt on the way in to replace him, he just said, "he's really good mate, try and survive". 

Spoiler alert - I did. Hoorah!

Dan was playing very well at this point, pushing for singles, and scoring a lovely offside lofted shot that I recall well, plus a gorgeous pull behind square. He's really found his range for us the last few games, and is fantastic at judging runs. We built something of a partnership, and although I was dropped twice and the bowling was pretty good all round, it felt like we were on the pace. Dan soon retired, a pull to square leg, bringing soon-to-be-first-time-father, Ant, to the crease. 

Ant was ready for the game. I feel an interlude is in order.

Deloitte were partially dyed in the wool employees, and partially bolstered by Cambridge cricket perennials "Sharks" at this point. Some weeks you can play more than one game for and against different teams and you will almost inevitably end up playing with or against one of the Sharks mega sized squad. They are a mainstay of the Cambridge cricketing scene and often help ensure games take place where there may be a shortage of players, as with this fixture.

Sumit of the Sharks came into the attack. Sumit is well known to us, a cricket 'tart' of sorts who just loves to play, a thoroughly nice chap and, a tricksy bowler. Ant navigated this period well, scoring and running like he does (slowly), and we carried on for a bit with the pace slow, the bowling good and the fielding excellent. Rammers of the Sharks and Tyler of the Jags both seemed to do most of the fielding for Deloitte at this point. 

Ant then hit an absolutely lovely front foot on drive to cow, that I recall mainly as Ant, "held the pose" for a period of time that was far too long. Sadly he perished almost next ball, hitting late to the offside, caught by a Shark... The 3 man Sharks team were keeping the Jags at bay at this point, and Deloitte were enjoying the view. 

Then the other best thing to happen this evening, did indeed happen. Steve Mann turned up to play - strolled out to bat, and greeted me with the words, "no quick singles, eh Marky?!". I hit a 4 and retired, leaving Coslett and Mann to move things forward. Some more challenging bowling, and some good solid Sharks/Delotte fielding kept scoring tight. Honestly we were praying for 120. Steve Mann chose the edge of his bat as the safest part to use for all of his 3 runs, before he spooned one high and was sadly caught.

Coslett and Brett formed a brief partnership. Tom hit the most gorgeous shot you will ever see, a picture perfect front foot straight drive back over the bowler's head. It was so good, a Deloitte fielder applauded. Tom earned a cheeky single after that, but fell bowled, bringing Will to the crease with a few balls left to play. We were also treated to Will's evil twin brother bowling for a bit, I'm going to nickname him Hovis. Apart from their bowling actions they were eerily similar.

Will did a job for the team, as he does. He hit a nice 4 to the offside, a lovely 3, and then a 4 that Mark Fardell failed to field effectively in his role as substitute fielder. Liam tried to do the right thing and hit hard, but was stumped using his feet to move towards the ball. Bloody witchcraft - moving your feet as a batsman.

Sap joined Will for a spell and hit a couple of lovely shots to the on side for well judged singles. The Jags finished on 123-6 - it felt low as a total, but light wasn't great and we had a bowling attack for the ages.

Parrish took the gloves behind the stumps in true skipper style, and Will opened the bowling. 

I mean, "opened" is not the right word, he fucking ripped the concept of bowling in half and stomped on its warm entrails. I am reliably informed that the Deloitte team had 3 potential scorers in their ranks, and the opener was a bit of a gun. Will went, "come and have a go if you think you're hard enough". 

Before the first ball, Dan said something to the effect of, "Ant, why are you at slip you lazy bastard, and what are those McDonald's sunglasses, you won't catch a cold in those". Ant gave Dan the look, a look he has no doubt given Dan countless times. Then Will bowled the first ball....

I mean, it was a peach, good length, it probably moved away. the batsman propped forward and, well, he was good enough to edge it; he must have been good...it settled in Ant's ample frame. He almost lost his sunglasses... it was fucking brilliant....

Will's next ball was bollocks.... oh wait... it wasn't...straight full and moving in. What the actual fuck, Will! Leg stump was uprooted and we had a potential hattrick. We all did the things you need to do around a hat-trick ball, but happily or sadly, Deloitte sent a Shark in, Rammers, and he not only saw the ball out, but scored to it. 

Killjoy.

Another Deloitte opener perished in this singularly vicious over, bowled about 6 balls in. I think even Matt Parrish would have struggled. I'm super glad that Will chooses to channel his angry energy through cricket. 

Liam bowled from the other end and it was wholly less exciting. It's not that he did anything wrong, he just wasn't doing a Will. Heck, even Will was disappointing in his other couple of overs compared to vicious, killer, first over Will. Liam tried to murder the lady now in play by a throwing a full height and pace beamer at her face. Nice, Liam. His very next ball was close to a no ball, the gracious lady hit it into the gully region and The-Legend-That-Walks-Among-Us: Steve Mann - held a glorious catch. Liam didn't even celebrate his filth, and walked folornly to a part of the ground on his own.

At this point it became a Sharks v Jags game with Rammers and Ralph holding the fort on behalf of their accountancy benefactors. Tyler came into the attack and bowled with typical energy and verve. Sap partnered him at the other end, and was disciplined in the main, keeping the left hander quiet for the most part. Rammers retired, fluent and untroubled throughout. Ralph was doing a nice job as the sidekick, playing and missing, but sticking around.

Some of the fielding tonight was exemplary, Sap with his laser arm, Tom with his verve and energy in the field, Parrish with his, you know, captaincy and stuff. At this point Deloitte, post Rammers, sent Will's doppelganger into the batting attack. It turned out he could also bat. He had one shot. Spank. And he used it well. Spank. Spank. Spank. 

One spank too far though. He hit Tyler for 4, and Tyler's response was full pace, good length, top of your off stump. Thank you very much. A beautiful wicket, it must be said. One more player came in and played nicely, before Sap took a great catch over his shoulder just outside the ring - top fielding fella.

The Deloitte skipper came in quite late, and this period of the game brought Coslett to bowling. He was economic; he was thrilling as well. Last week Tom took a very good caught and bowled, and this week was even better. A twirl of the arm, and firm strike and Tom, my goodness he wanted this wicket, falling forward at full stretch, with a tumble and a roll for good measure.

James Barker had an over - he decided to bowl pace this week rather than off-spin... All I can say is WTAF.

The scorebook is basically chicken scratchings at this point so I'm, kind of guessing at numbers. It seemed close, but Matt was in control, turning to Ant as his final over bowler. Ant bowled well, controlling the scoring between the Deloitte skipper and the returning Rammers, before cartwheeling the skipper's leg stump with a super sized delivery. The last few balls were well fielded and well controlled, with the game briefly threatening to be close, but actually being well settled.

Trust in the skipper.

Pub attendance, as was befitting of Sap's last game, was exemplary. We still missed Cob, but pizzas, Steve Mann chat and beverages more than made up for it all. Fair thee well, Sap. Once a Jag, always a Jag.

Victory in the Enveloping Gloom at Queens

Jags 101-2 (Threadgold 25*, Ant 19*, Fardell 18*, Michael 2-12) beat AVEVA 100-10 (Chris 26, Timmins 14, Will 4-10, Coslett 3-19) by 8 Wickets

Midweek cricketers up and down the land do not look forward to August. Whilst for most people this heralds the arrival of guaranteed summer, time off and a break from the trials and tribulations of work, for midweek cricketers this means two things - less reliable weather and shitty light. This week featured both. It was a sure sign things were going to be challenging this week when I had text messages from several players asking if the game was on, given the extensive cloud cover, and even then got an unsolicited text from the groundsman asking if we were happy to play. 

Come 6pm we were at the ground and goodness me it was dark even then. Owing to another hilarious mix-up, the opposition actually turned up at Histon Recreation Ground, not Queens. I can see how the opposition skipper could have made this honest error - given the title of the email chain for this game was "Jags Cricket - 5th August - Queens". I had sourced some more genuine Readers for this one from an even more reputable source.

Parrish lost the toss and AVEVA opted to bat. We went with a revised format, 15x8 ball overs, with no changes of end until the 7th over, to try and keep what little light was available. Ant offered to drive his car to the pitch-side and put the full beams on. It was that sort of night.

 So, traditional, pink or luminous, chaps?

Opening the bowling for the Jags were Brett and Tyler. Brett put one cheeky loosener in early that the batsman shoveled to deep mid-wicket for 4. He then tightened up and was rewarded quickly with a loose edge to the waiting Parrish at first slip or so in what one would classify as a soft-ish dismissal (a squidgy dismissal?). the rest of the over was quite tidy. Tyler's first ball was absolute gubbins, short and slow and just absolute crap - so of course it got a wicket - as Tommy Hopper says, shit gets wickets, with the batsman just spooning it to a waiting catcher in the ring. Again, squidgy, much like the ground. Brett's second over would have been a maiden, had it been 6 balls, but he tossed a wide in for good measure, so it wasn't. Tyler continued with his second, and one batsman lobbed a gentle one back to him for an easy caught and bowled - but he dropped an absolute dolly. He was briefly called Teflon by me, but the name doesn't seem to have stuck...

Sap strolled into the attack in place of Brett. Cob was having a top game behind the stumps, with lots of balls being well taken having beaten the bat. One of the AVEVA openers got going a bit, pulling and punching around the ground. Sap was bowling with a reasonable amount of control, but the looser balls were being dispatched to get AVEVA moving. Sap had one caught in the end, I forget by who, but I'm sure it was well deserved. Jags were disciplined in the field, without conceding many extras through atrocious fielding, which is always nice. Sap was briefly called Tree Sap by someone, which was the high point of this stretch of the innings. 

Tyler finished his 3 over spell, good bowling, good economy, a wicket and a comedy drop, but useful overall. AVEVA were moving, but not at much of a pace, and the clouds loomed. Parrish then turned to Coslett after last week, and clearly Parrish knows something that no-one else does, as Coslett was a demon. There was a customary loosener for 4, before a couple of dots and then one of the most bizarre wickets you will ever see. Coslett gave one a lot of air to the AVEVA skipper, a lefty, and it eventually hit the turf and then slowly moved towards the batsman. The batsman in turn gently propped forward and allowed the slowest ball ever bowled to subtly kiss the outside edge of his bat. The ball then ever so slowly continued it's serene path towards Cob's gloves, and gently, almost graciously settled in them. It was at once a glorious wicket and also an utterly baffling one. 

 Local wildlife were concerned at the pedestrian pace of some of the bowling

Coslett followed this up with a couple of gentle straight slow balls. The next batsman had clearly had enough, and decided to charge headlong at the next one, missed it by miles, and Cob removed the bails. Why he hasn't been bowling all season is a mystery. Sap continued in a similar vein, the odd wide and some better balls, before the rain intervened and sent us all scurrying off. It looked so grim, Ant decided to put his boat shoes on - I mean it was pretty wet, but it didn't feel like we would need an actual boat our there. We thought it was done at this point, but an easing of the rain and agreement between the players, and we carried on. Ant actually came back on in his boat shoes, sporting a fetching ensemble from Primark/TK Maxx, depending on how much of a budget the newly expectant father currently has at his disposal.

Sap had a comedy moment around the restart point - the batsmen had scarpered a single and were safely home, he picked up the ball and everyone shouted, "easy" to calm him down. He misread this instruction as, "it is an easy run out" and launched one towards the stumps, missing by a distance, but it was fortunately backed up well. A conversation on communication methods followed, as well as the meaning of easy in English and Americanese.

Then Coslett did his thing again, first ball of his next over was pitched up, driven firmly back, and he took a wonderful caught and bowled chance, diving across the stumps. Sap rolled out of the attack and Ant came in for an over of all absolute all sorts. I'm going to say he kindly gave the opposition some runs with his patented variation.

Will then came into the attack in his place, and boy did he attack. Will has gone into the book as "Baldy", and he used his streamlined haircut to good effect. A few dots were then followed by a peach that castled the top of middle, was deflected, thankfully, past Cob, and finished on the boundary somewhere. He followed this up with a few dots and a single, before bowling another, leg stump played on, with a cracking off stump line. Thus we had two bowlers of contrasting styles, Will being his tall fast and controlled self, and Coslett finding new ways to slow down our perception of time. Will had another two caught to finish things - one was the returning opener trying to pick up the pace and the other was caught by Cob behind the stumps. This left Will with absolutely scandalous figures of 3-4-10. Coslett wasn't far behind with 3-3-19. Open them together next week, skip.

100 all out, which should be thoroughly getable, but it was so dark we moved from red to a pink ball at this stage. Parrish and Barker opened. It was testing early on - and Parrish fell to one that stuck in the really wet pitch, skied high within the ring as he was through the shot too early. Barker stuck around for a bit with Threadgold, ticking the scoring over before he fell to the same bowler in the same way, the ball sticking in the pitch, early through the shot, flying high into the air. Steve Mann had graciously joined to spectate at just the right moment to see Parrish and Barker perish. Our good luck charm, clearly.

Dan and I then came together for a decent spell to build a partnership to get us to the total. The bowling was a mix of good and not so good, and with a total like this, it is very much a case of respect the good balls and dispatch the bad. Running was keen, and the scoreboard ticked along from 30 or so from 4 overs to 69 from 7. Dan was strong on the off side, and I managed to score a four by swiping near my nose at one point. The game was beyond doubt at this point and Sap was enjoying taking videos and photos which really have driven home to me how I have let myself go a bit in this latest lockdown.

Dan retired comfortable and untroubled, with good running and good shots all round. The AVEVA skipping was having a torrid time, bowling not that well, and showing how not to field, letting a fair few through that should have been stopped. Ant had relocated some actual cricket kit and joined the batting action, and dispatched his first for four to the leg-side boundary. I managed a mid-wicket slog and then Ant decided to finish things in express fashion, hitting 2,2,4, 2 and a 4 to finish us off in the 10th over. It was very dark at the end, so dark in fact that one of the fours he hit, it took the fielders ages to find the bright pink kookaburra ball being used.

Pub attendance was great, although no Cob this week sadly. Steve joined us and lots of good beers, food and reminiscing chat was had, inside with no masks - as this is how far everything has come now. Two games left, with Parrish still in with a good shout at 300 runs for the season.