Sports Mashup

A few things occurred to me over the weekend about the game last week that were quite amusing but didn't make it into my quickly scribbled match report. So as I'm "between" meetings, I thought I'd have a go at capturing them here.

Paul Cooper did that thing that you occasionally see on a cricketing field that rarely works well, but on this occasion did: introducing football skills into the equation.

You are categorically taught to not use your feet to deal with a cricket ball. When you bat it introduces LBW and pain into the equation. When you field it introduces pain and embarrassment into the equation.

There are a number of different ways in which this goes terribly wrong. 

There's the football slide, where you try and stop a boundary, but instead kick it over the boundary with significantly more force somehow than it had retained on its way to the boundary. Everyone laugh/sighs at the same time.

There's the one where you put your foot out, the ball hits it hard, you yelp like a wounded dog, and the ball ricochets away from every close fielder and normally provides an opportunity for additional runs to the opposition that were never there before. Everyone wince/sighs at the same time.

Then these is the holy grail, using your foot to parry the ball upwards, catch it and then throw it. This normally results in you yelping and directing the ball towards your own face, then hopefully getting your shiny mug out of the way. Then everyone grimace/sighs and somehow the ball ends up briefly lost (often between your own legs).

Normally any one of these is greeted by someone on your own team, at least once an innings making a 'football-is-not-cricket' related joke. "Who do you think you are, David Beckham", "Football season isn't for another couple of months" etc etc. You've both failed at cricket and at football. The team have derived no benefit other than having legitimate grounds to laugh at a teammate. In short, don't do it, it never works and everyone loses.

However, once in a while it sort of does. Paul Cooper managed to perform the flick up and juggle this week, with all the dexterity of a Lioness (well done, ladies!). His right foot angled at a perfect 45 degrees stopped one just outside the ring, he flicked up it up towards his hands via his knee, and he then in one motion threw it straight at the stumps with an unnerving degree of accuracy. There was no run out, the batsman had to hustle to get in, but it was all, strikingly perhaps even shockingly, deliberate, purposeful and competent.

Now, I know that the main reason Paul did this was to avoid bending over, as once you clear 40 this is not something you want to do ever again - but he did it with such an exhibition of confidence and competence, that it briefly made me wonder why we didn't all routinely do it. The I remembered the 200 other times I had seen it happen on a cricket field, and realised that this was in fact the outlier....

If the ball was this big, I would probably hit it more.

Another small postscript to match from when I was batting, I was determined to be friendly with the opposition as I often am. I like things to be positive, and upbeat, even in competitive situations. I was at the non-strikers end with one of their bowlers and politely enquired as to whether the scorers had his name. "Adam" he shouted at the assembled bench. I then shouted, "Penson" to the scorers. A thumbs up of acknowledgement came from the bench. 

The bowler asked, "how did you know?!". I immediately replied, "it's on the back of your shirt, matey". Cue hilarity - he was still laughing when his next ball was the terrible head height no ball at Freddie's noggin.

There are many different ways to influence the game...

Jags Fan Club!

Jags 96-3 (Meldal 43*, Christie 13, Keating 1-11) beat TTP 93-7 (Gregson 15, Penson 15, Naseri 2-12) by 7 wickets

MOTM - Naseri (Meldal runs him a close second)

We appear to have got to a stage this season where people simply turn up to watch us play. A few weeks ago Ben Kavanagh came to spectate on his way to work. Last week Naseri's social worker, Millie, said she'd just pop in, but then stayed for the whole fixture. This week Benjamin Sawyer brought his son Micah and his Mum. Micah is a future Jag I feel.

From my perspective, and given I'm writing this blog post that is the only perspective you will get today, we have a fan club. I might even make and sell some merchandise, and then give all the proceeds to a charity for cricketing widows and orphans or something.

This week we won the toss... no no, I joke, Matt lost the toss again, and we went in to bowl against TTP. TTP is a proper company team, no ringers, no starlets or kids from the local village, just people who work together. In the exciting world of consulting. They are technically a competitor for the company I work for, in much the same way as I am a direct competitor of Brad Pitt when it comes to starring movie roles, glamour and romantic interests. Maybe I just need to change my agent.

We started with Naseri and it took him 6 balls of venom to extract the first wicket. After a few looseners, the batters exchanged strike and he teased the left handed number 2 for a few balls, before removing his leg stump early with one that went in, using the angle rather than prodigious ball movement. 

At the other end Brett was in typical form, but conceded a few off his first over. Naseri remained economic and more than a bit scary, and Muzzah behind the stumps was finding it nice and easy to watch the generally arrow straight balls into his gloves. Brett got the wicket his bowling deserved, with the ball pitched good, hit high to the offside, and Threadgold briefly put down his phone and stumbled forward to catch it.

Naseri then extracted one of the finest midweek wickets I have seen in a while, one that would have made Sir William Kingsmill proud, putting it on middle and leg, tiny bit of movement towards off, batsman forward, a gentle kiss of the edge of the bat and it went straight into Muzzah's gloves without deviation. Naseri then finished his last over off by absolutely terrifying the other batsman, peppering him with rapid little balls that will have resulted in a fair few bruises this morning. 6 dots he faced, and I think 6 different injuries may have been the result. Brett finished off with the no more wickets, scoring was slow. Muzzah was good behind the stumps.

Baines took bowling duties and we were treated to a first ball LBW shout that was denied (the umpire took a while). Then a second ball LBW shout that was accepted (the umpire still took a while). The batsman looked grateful to be leaving proceedings as he had faced 8 balls, scored no runs and been hit on 8 separate occasions.

Then the thing that we will all remember this game for, for-ever-more, happened. Baines pitched a good one up - the batsman larupped it high to mid on. Benjamin Savage - Sausage - Cabbage - Cab Sav - was waiting. Mr Reliable. Mr Dependable. Mr Cricket himself. Easiest catch in the world. He ambled forward to just a few feet from catching distance. Then he stopped, looked at the ball and realised it had gone quite high and might injure his delicate hands on returning to Earth. So he stopped, sort of faked a little "I can't see" motion (there was no sun in the sky, dear reader) and let it bounce a full 2 feet in front of him before returning it to the centre of the ring.

He. Just. Didn't. Fancy. It.

Baines was understandably smiley and delighted. Inexplicably, the skipper chose to reward this display by giving Mr Savage the ball from the other end. His first ball was a special one, going for 3 wides. His third did exactly the same. The other Baines over was largely uneventful I believe. Sav then found a little more range and then showed everyone that he can, in fact, catch. 

But. Only. When. He. Is. Bowling.

He pitched a good one up, the batsman (who in truth had skirted his luck a bit before this) hammered it back towards Ben, and he took it two handed above his head with all the nonchalance he could manage of a caught and bowled. Baines was really smiling broadly at this point. Micah took this opportunity on the sidelines to throw a ball on to the floor and fall over, quite clearly taking his guidance from Savage... prior to his catch.

Here's Bainsey...

Cooper came on for a bowl. Dan did a funny thing in the field where he got out the textbook defensive long barrier, then decided to suddenly jump up and try a run out or to give away some overthrows, depending on your perspective. Cooper got a nice stonewall LBW - 3 in a game is not common I'll wager in midweek, and some other things happened in the field that I don't think merit a mention. TTP were trundling towards a score that might hit 3 figures. I felt the pitch was less sponge laden this week, but what do I know?! It felt a long way below par, anything short of 120 is hard to defend.

Oz was doing a great job scoring, and every single Muzzah error (there weren't many) resulted in him being call the name of another Jags keeper. Phillips. Strachan. Fraser. At least he never got called Fardell... The pressure of playing at this elevated level had clearly got to him. Matt dropped a tough chance in the ring. Mailes chased well and dived well to stop a fair few with marked athleticism.

Meldal got his customary second to last over bowl and dismissed one bowled leg stump with a ball that was slow/medium - straight and did not deviate at all on its path to hit the stumps. Cooper finished proceedings with a Chris Jordan economy rate and they got to 93-7, which is tough to defend.

Just to note, we did concede a lot of extras 16 wides and 3 byes, 'cough', Muzzah, 'cough'.

As the total was, shall we say, attainable, Matt decided to give some of the lesser lights of the team some chance at batting fun to start. I opened the batting with the Threadgold, well huzzah. 2019 called and it wants its partnership back. The opening over was good fun, I clipped a mystery 4 off my toes behind square, pulled a four to midwicket, and chatted openly to all the fielders about the need to bowl at my off stump if you want rid of my annoying self.

Dan hit a couple of nice 2's early on, including a late cut, but was undone trying to go big early, falling bowled. I was joined by Mr Meldal, a joyful sight, and we then had to endure an over of pure and utter what on Earth type filth. The first ball was a slow head height full toss that Freddie had all the time in the world to vanquish, but instead he just let it hit him on the helmet. The bowler did a similar thing with me a few balls later, a no ball that hit me in the "tummy padding", shall we call it. Today I have a very squishy bruise as a result.

They then brought on a good bowler, and he decided to bowl at the top of my off stump - as I had previously advised - and it was removed from the ground. We were well on the rate and I had rather enjoyed my brief stay in the middle with good banter all round.

Muzzah and Freddie then set about demolishing the remainder of the total. Both bowlers were solid at this point, so Muzzah showed some respect, Meldal less so with a pulled and whipped 4 to get on his way. He does a gentle start normally and then accelerates. This is what happened here, with those 4's followed by an absolutely brutal pull over midwicket for 6. Running was good, and Muzzah whipped a gorgeous swept 4 - a la James Barker at one point. 

Then a mini disaster - Freddie straight drove the ball back, the bowler stuck out his hand and it deviated by pure chance onto the stumps, with Muzzah just out of his ground. He was suitably annoyed at getting out in such an unfortunate fashion. 

Baines was umpiring, and he had to be gently encouraged from the sidelines to signal what had happened on the field to the scorers.

Freddie was joined by Mr Naseri for the final few balls, and hammered the next ball for 6, possibly in annoyance at having played a part in getting Muzzah out. Naseri hits it one way, cross batted, and he has all the gear, including an arm guard. He slapped a 4, Freddie hit another, there were some 2's and 3's and then we cantered home with Naseri hitting the winning runs, a flat 4 to finish on the evening's highest strike rate of 200.

Muzzah had calmed down by this point, Naseri was dispatched home and we arrived at the Red Bull for pizza in plenty of time, given the low scoring. The opposition turned out, commendably, in great numbers and we had a good old chat. 

The garden was full of young students enjoying themselves immensely on cheap plonk, and we took the time to enjoy the moment and reminisce on the time we went to Nottingham and did the BatFast thing and went to Rock City and Hooters and other notable cultural features of that fair city known for its patron Robin of the Hood.

One league and two friendly games left. The end is nigh.

Cricket is Sometimes Cruel and Sometimes Awesome - Often Both

Jags 155-3 (Parrish 86*, Baines 40, Hamid 2-27) beat Stapleford Phoenix 117-8 (Everson 33, Wadekar 21, Baker 32-3, Savage 19-2) by 38 runs

MOTM - Parrish

The title, I hope says it all, but cricket is a maddening sport at times to be absolutely and utterly in love with. It's so unbelievably random, the highs are the highest, the lows are the lowest and the margin between the two is so paper thin it is hard to know why anyone likes this sport. I think though, that this is why the highs and lows are so visceral; it's a sport of constant jeopardy. You are teetering on the edge of delight and misery with every single ball that is bowled.

Luck plays a massive part, as it does with so many things. You've got to be good enough to be lucky in the first place, of course. Batting in particular, you can play awfully and get loads of runs. You can play wonderfully and score none. A ball from a bowler may have your name on it. A fielder may decide, despite all prior evidence to the contrary, that today he will make that one handed pluck from the heavens at full stretch. Getting a score is at times hard work, at times luck, and most often a startlingly random combination of them both. Life is itself thus; cricket sometimes feels almost allegorical in nature.

My likely best ever season was 2019 and I reckon, thinking back, I was dropped at least 20 times on the way to a fair few scores. I even had a ball hit the stumps but not dislodge the bails that year. It was that sort of a year - for no good reason other than the cricketing gods were smiling upon me for that briefest of periods. They giveth and they taketh away. It was a lovely time nonetheless.

Mr Parrish, our cheery skipper, has had a rough old time of it of late with cricket. He dedicates a lot of his time to this sport and it has not been reciprocating this affection lately, weekend or midweek. He has almost, almost, let his constant positive and update demeanour slip once or twice this year - but not quite. We all want him to get a score, and well, tonight was the night the cricketing gods smiled upon him once more.

We played Stapleford a couple of years ago, one of our first business house midweek league games, and whilst their artificial strip was a bit, well, naff, they were a nice bunch. Well organised and fun to play. Tonight we hosted them at Queens. Matt won the toss and decided he and Baines would open the batting this week, having previously relegated himself down the order a bit as out of form. I saw him in the changing room before and he had a look of absolute focussed determination on his face.

Parrish knows, he's seen it all before.

Anyway, to the actual cricket. Baines started in standard form, hitting a few boundaries early including a masterful straight drive that pleasingly hit the wheels of the sightscreen with a joyous thud. Parrish dug in like an Alabama Tick in the Predator movie, absolutely determined not to budge. He treated preserving his wicket as a sacred mission issued by some unknown deity. The pitch was spongey, and with uncertain bounce and slow scoring was the order of the day. This meant a lot of 1's and 2's and some good old fashioned cardio for both men. There were some pleasing mis-fields as well, with the chaps in the funny coloured cricketing type hats for Stapleford generally being reliable for a mess up. Matt and Matt ground it out, it was slow, and there were few extras. The 50 partnership took a fair while coming in light of some good bowling and challenging conditions. It was proper attritional stuff and 7 overs in a low score felt very much on the cards. In short, this felt like weekend cricket.

Baines eventually fell on 40, trying to take on the slow left arm round the wicket bowler, falling over in the process to be bowled. Matt was still there on 24, and was joined by Mr Meldal for a short period. Freddie, again this week uncharacteristically, fell to a stodgy ball chipped into the ring and Mr Mailes joined proceedings. Matt was dogged in defence, resolute that this was going to be the day it all clicked, and by this point he was thoroughly in (with a less than 50 strike rate at one point) - ably supported by Chris. Then he started to unfurl some of the characteristic 4's, back foot play and pulls to square that we haven't seen much of this year. Chris did his usual peppering of the cow boundary and these men picked up the pace on their way to Matt's second 50 partnership of the day, but still with a lot of singles and 2's. At one point they both met in the middle, and almost doubled over taking a breather. It was humid, there had been a lot of running, and it had been hard. I would have needed a runner.

A word for our assembled throng on the sidelines is perhaps merited. If you could have projected sentiment onto the field, it would have been overwhelmingly positive. "Come on Matt, you got this". Like a bunch of slightly ugly care bears pushing rainbows in the general direction of the square, we were just willing this long overdue 50 to appear.

That's Savage in the middle

And then it came with a cheeky single (of course it did), cheers from the assembled throng, and Matt and Chris then, almost like the pressure was unleashed, with a few overs left, really cut loose. Chris hit a 6 to long on, Matt hit a classic Matt 6 to a similar spot, there were square cuts and 4's and just general spanking to get up to the rate we thought might have been required. One bowler in particular was taken downtown, conceding 20 from his solitary 8 ball over. 

There was also the funniest no-ball I've ever seen bowled by one young gentleman with a L-O-N-G run up, one of these run ups where he pelts in at full pace until the last two steps, then slows down and loses all his momentum in comedic fashion. His second or third ball to Matt was a full toss. I say full toss, it was so far above Matt's head that if he'd had someone standing on his shoulders, it would have also cleared the head of that man, went sailing over the keeper and was a one bounce 6 no ball as it cleared the boundary.

Matt was blowing at this point, as we got to the last over. Chris fell in it, pitching a catch and Andy Strachan joined to push the running along and get us to 155, when 120 looked well beyond us at one point. It's not often our number 5 only gets to face 2 balls, but that was how it was today. Matt faced the first ball of the innings, the last ball of the innings, and 61 others in between for his 86*. Classic Matt shots, back foot, pumping, hammering and sweeping - and some wall like defence where needed. It was an innings honed in the fires of Mount Doom.

Nets with Matt had got a little serious for everyone's liking, lately

We opened the bowling with Armadin and Holmes, with Armadin's social worker Millie kindly making an appearance to support him. The first 6 overs, it was so economic Rachel Reeves should take notes. Armadin got played and missed at least 10 times that I can recall from his 24 balls, and he was rapid and fearsome and also smiled a lot as he bowled. The only ball I recall that wasn't tip top, was the one where he bowled a slower one and basically wrote a letter to the batsman saying "slower one incoming", posted it and it had time to arrive by 2nd class post, be read and digested and then the batsman dispatched it for 4.

Holmes was equally ridiculous at the other end, freshly furnished with a new nickname of "the builder" - Holmes/Homes - builder's build homes - geddit?! I give up. It was funny on the field, less so in the explanation. He was in absolute control, deliberately putting ball after ball comfortably in the hands of this week's wicket keeper, Mr Andy Strachan - the new Ben Sawyer ("fresh" from a weekend in Marbella for a gentleman's bachelor party). He was dynamite behind the stumps: I can't recall many byes, the scorebook only recalls 2 - and he also took on a Benjamin Sawyer like smile and chirp. I can't recall a team having so many competent wicket keepers, it's vaguely bizarro.

Neither opening bowler got the wicket they both deserved, both were kept at bay by some studious batsmen, but the required rate climbed prodigiously, even this early in the game. Both were replaced at the same time, with Georgie Baker (also recently returned from Marbs) and Ben Savage taking bowling duties. They had clearly been watching our openers carefully as both bowled some of their best spells for the Jags this season. George was instantly threatening and B Savage had the ball on a string at times. George cooked one batsman courtesy of a Freddie Meldal catch, then a few balls later managed to extract the dangerous Mr Minter, bowled leg stump with one that stayed low, almost deliberately moving it into the left hander. Almost....

Not to be outdone, Ben bowled another after absolutely tying him in knots for an over. Baker then took his turn, getting one walloped high to, you guessed it, Sir Frederick Meldal. 

Seeing Freddie catch it twice, was all a bit too much for Mr Parrish, still suffering from having run at least 50 of his 86 runs, and 20-30 for Baines and Mailes, he retired from the field stopping on his way off to say, "Mark, I need to go and have a sit down, you're in charge, you could even bowl if you wanted to, the game is clearly that safe". He found some smelling salts and a dark smelly changing room and relaxed for a bit.

Mr Savage waited for Parrish to leave before getting the opener, Mr Everson (who had really batted rather well, not least given the carnage around him), to glove it to Mr Strachan - taking a sharp catch behind the stumps. Parrish missed a lesson in wicket keeping there. Armadin struggled to see it in the field at one point, so since I felt I should contribute something, I lent him my sunglasses for a bit.

Dan Threadgold and I stood around in the field marvelling at all around us, but not engaging in much participation beyond offering crappy banter. Thanks for coming Dan, Thanks for coming. 

Freddie bowled an over, medium something or other I'm going to call it, that was notable for its competence and ordinariness.

Mailes bowled (in place of Fardell, no one wants to see that), and after clearing some cobwebs he obtained two identical back to back wickets, good length ball, walloped high to the mid off, Holmes catch - and he found himself on a hat trick ball. We then set the only appropriate hat trick field and didn't get a hat trick, yet again.

Freddie finished the bowling off, getting a low and easy LBW decision against one of the tail end Charlies in their side in the last over, and the game finished.

Good chirp, and a game played in the right spirit. 155 was a top total on that track in those conditions, our opening bowlers made the rate almost impossible to start with and Georgie and Savage bowled as well as I can remember either bowling for us in that middle period. Then Mailes claimed some glory at the end.

I dropped Armadin home and others I believe made it to the pub. Armadin was very happy to have played today, but did say, "Freddie got a wicket and I didn't, that doesn't seem right". 

He's clearly learning the same lesson that Parrish knows all too well.

Kingston Dommed

Jags 154/7 (Baines 65, Sawyer 52, Parrish 10*, Keeble 2-15) beat Kingston Dons 113/8 (Humphrey 26, Sillis 20, Baines 2-7) by 41 runs

Man of the Match - 'drum roll please'....... Baines

Kingston Dons are a new addition to the midweek roster. They used to be the Red Lion Histon midweek team, and reformed recently under a new pub. We know a number of them so it promised to be a Histon love in of sorts. Till the cricket started. Then it would get all serious and stuff. Grrrr.

There was some regrettable and slightly silly day-of-the-game confusion about organising that I will mention in passing but gloss over here. I pride myself in organising, do it well in advance as I have a full time job, and rarely mess up, is all I will say about that. Suffice to say, the game was organised for a long time and was to be at played at Queens, where it was indeed played, in pleasant weather with a promising forecast. Baines needed a lift to get to the game, and given his current form I would have arranged for the fairy godmother to pick him up in a pumpkin, no matter the expense, if it resulted in him appearing for us that day. As it was, I used my Kia instead.

Dons won the toss and, possibly to totally throw us off, they decided to let us bat. Freddie and Baines got us underway and the opening bowler was well known to several people in these parts as a fearsome Leysian, batter, bowler, and the general good at cricketing person that he in fact turned out to be. He had a rangey controlled action and was difficult to score from to start. The pace to begin with was glacial. His bowling partner had more of the air of someone who has played for a long time, and is wily and cunning like a fox, with variation and length and just thinking lots being his craft. 

How the number 2 bowler clearly lives his life

Having struggled against the one opener, Freddie tried to do something against the other, picked the wrong ball, and uncharacteristically chipped one tamely into the offside ring. He was super happy as he walked off, and Sawyer tried to ask him about his recent trip to Malia at what we shall say was a "bad moment to ask". 

Felix went in at the well earned heights of 3, and was greeted by some very challenging bowling early on. Mr Benjamin Kavanagh decided to join us for spectating, and also in order to ensure we had our full complement of Benjamins once more. Felix did well to survive some early hostility, edging almost low to slip and defending with some grace. Sadly he was undone by a ball outside off, there to be hit, but it was extremely well caught at an unorthodox point position. The score was grim at this point - 4, 8 ball overs in, 2 wickets down and 13 runs scored. Gulp. An absolute shoeing was in the offing.

Out strolled Mr Happiness himself, Sawyer, to begin to forge a Jamaica/Scotland partnership. Let's call it Jerk Shortbread or maybe Haggis and Ting. 

They saw off the opener and then, joy of joys, they started scoring. Even Kav was impressed at some of the magic that unfolded before us in a partnership I cannot recall seeing the likes of in a Jags game. Ever.

Baines went first, taking the change of bowler as a chance to push some 4's to several part of the ground. One was a one bounce 4 of the incredibly pleasing variety, back over the bowler's head, one bounce with a joyous thud into the sightscreen. A change of bowling then bought Leach on and Sawyer decided to get in on the fun, hitting a full throttle six down the ground before nurdling a single next ball. Baines then hit a couple of 4's from the same over, one an off drive that picked up pace as it sped towards the boundary.

There was a 4 to the offside next over and when Leach returned, Sawyer took the same approach, a club down the ground for 6, a nurdled single, and then when he got the strike again he did exactly the same. 3 times in a row the same scoring pattern. The only difference was he whooped the last time he did it whilst the ball was still in the air, and then exchanged some polite words with Leach at the other end.

Not to be outdone, because when does he ever not steal the show, Baines hit a couple of 4's from the next over, to canter to his 50. Sawyer waited an over before hitting 4,6,4,2,2,4 to get his well deserved 50. There were well judged runs, there was great communication, fist bumps galore, and just a hint of ludicrous confidence from both men as they cantered to a 111 run partnership from 60 odd balls. It was beautiful, controlled, aggressive carnage of the highest order.

Is it my go to have fun, Benjamin - why yes indeed it is, Mr Baines - "Pull"

I imagine the mid over chats were something along the lines of - 

"well this is going well, isn't it", 

"indeed it is", 

"any tips for me", 

"keep doing what you're doing", 

"you too, pal", 

"right, obligatory fist bump and let's get back to having some fun!".

It was just a shame it had to end really, Baines offered a catch to Keeble's bowling, finishing on 65. Fardell briefly joined the fray, hitting a nice 4 and a few twos and limping his way through some runs (no Mr Threadgold to run for me this week). Sawyer fell next over, caught and bowled to the opener returning to the fray.

I got to spend 10 pleasant runs in the middle with Mr Parrish, who edged/late cut a 4 first ball, and looked more back to his old self. With us running out of balls, I tried to go over cow and failed by quite a long way. I don’t think I would have cleared an actual cow two yards away from me with the shot I hit. Strachan then joined Mr Parrish and ran like an absolute trooper before offering a caught and bowled back to Mr Keeble. George Baker then joined for one ball, getting in a right tiswas and being bowled. We then finished the innings with Mr Brett facing a hat trick ball and playing out three dots in a row. 154-7 felt like a cracking score when at one point I thought we'd be 50 all out.

Then it was our turn to bowl. Parrish was welcomed back behind the stumps, I limped about a bit again, and Brett got us started. A tight first over to begin, before the Leysian opener drilled two straightish drives for 4 from balls that scarcely deserved such treatment. Elegant, poised and quite possibly not suited to this level.

Baines had the other end and we had a genuine umpire in play for what would happen next. Leach faced one, then hammered the next one straight back at Baines. Without thinking the grand Scot put his hand out, parried it, and onto the stumps it went. The killer batsman was out of his crease, bat up, and we had a genuine professional looking run out of the highest order. Leach, chastened by having dumped his team in it, played out some dots before falling to one that nipped in, bowled.

2 overs in, 2 new batsmen. Both got stuck a bit as well to Bready boy and Baines, and each fell bowled without troubling the scorers too much - Brett bowling one with a good length ball and Baines doing the same ball as he had to Leach, but this one held its line. Brett also managed to break a bail in the process, silly boy. Benjamin Savage had luckily brought his mega kit bag and had a spare bail to hand, like a cricketing MacGyver.

Regular readers of this Blog are probably all too young to understand the amazingness of this slice of 80's TV gold, but it's worth looking up. I hope they never reboot it....

The Dons were down and out already in many ways, 15 or so on the board, 4 wickets down and 4 overs gone. They then set about the rebuild quite nicely in the end. I recall some lovely Parrish glovework behind the stumps, some incredibly dedicated fielding from Mr Strachan, and good stuff from Freddie and Oliver Savage.

On the Savages, they both have acquired a few nicknames lately. Benjamin has been sausage, cabbage and Cab Sav (a portmanteau of those two). Ollie has been cocktail sausage, and now Brussels Sprout (a small cabbage.... eek, the humour reeks). Nicknames for me go the heart of this form of cricket, do not take thyself  too seriously - which would be the eleventh commandment of Moses had chosen some bigger stones up some mountain a long time ago. 

Anyway, the brothers Savage took the bowling change, both pushing nicely here and there with good lines, and some variety. Benjamin in particular had a less bad first over than last week. Ollie took a similar line to his brother. I stopped one in the field I recall, Sawyer did some things, George boundary rode well and it had the tempo of one of those games that would slowly and inevitably conclude with our victory after our blistering start with the ball.

Seth of Histon spent some time in bat, getting a load of abusive chat, before being bowled by Mr O Savage. Apparently this may have some recriminations in the playground. Ben S and Parrish then combined, Ben bowling his one and only wide, so wide in fact that the batsman pulled himself off his feet reaching for it, was out of his ground, and Matt completed a stumping with some incredibly tidy glovework. Something very funny happened in this over also involving Matt. A new batsman top edged it backwards, Matt looked up, but couldn't see it owing to his helmet visor and static feet, it was falling just feet behind him and Sawyer screamed "spin around" - which Matt did almost on command, but far too late seeing it falling agonisingly close to his outstretched glove. He also did that great thing keepers do when they've not got near a ball, sort of fall and dive at the last second to make it look as though it was a tough one they almost made. Pure comedy gold.

Ollie got the next, pitching one up that was spooned high just outside the ring, with Baines taking an excellent catch over his shoulder to continue his desire to be involved in literally everything. Sawyer at this point took to throwing the ball left handed, so determined was he to be amusing. They made quite the duo throughout this game. 

Keeble was joined by some other guy for a bit and the other guy hit some runs and got most of the applause for some reason. Baker bowled, tidy and challenging but wicketless. Felix bowled, very tidy apart from 1 loose one, and Freddie bowled the death over. They needed a lot, but it was still a brave move by Parrish, and when the first ball was struck for 6 - maybe it was just me who thought, uh-oh. Freddie recovered well, getting a wicket with the batsman trying to reverse sweep confident in the knowledge that he had become team top scorer for the game.

The last ball was faced by Mr Ian Rush, and he prodded it down for a dot, inspired by Mr Brett no doubt.

We shook hands, raced to the red bull pub, only to be greeted by a pub quiz and a closed kitchen. I ordered takeaway pizza from Pizza Pilgrims and whilst I didn't order enough, it did at least help with the hunger brought about by victory.

999!

Jags 127-5 (Sawyer 56, Baines 35, Fardell 14*, Achira 2-24) beat Madingley Mulch 126-10 (Soysa 38, Waduge 30, Naseri 15-2, Baines 20-2) by 5 wickets

Man of the Match - a draw - Baines and Sawyer 

This was one of those games where the weather was always in prospect, and as a result I had texts from the opposition, texts from my players, texts from the groundsman and even texts from my Mum and wife that featured comments about weather, and cricket, and asking if the game was happening. All. Chuffing Day. 

Madingley Mulch are a nice bunch. They have a touch of that thing that first attracted me to midweek cricket, some good players and some folks who are just keen to be involved. I’d say they have two proper good bowlers, a couple of second change types and that’s it. A part time wicket keeper who does his darndest and a top 4 of capable batsmen and then lots of people with hand eye coordination and a desire to run themselves out at every opportunity. It’s essentially what midweek cricket is all about. People who are good at cricket and love it, people who love cricket and are willing to be there to make sure it happens. They also play in 100% the right spirit. 

Matt was away this week on a well deserved break to the Essex coast and, with the weather warnings firmly put to bed, we turned up at Queens. Threadgold took skipper duties, won the toss and opted to bowl… It may have turned out to be utterly genius, but what on God’s green Earth?! You bat first. Always. You also always talk about how it’s getting dark soon and the light being an issue and what not. That’s midweek cricket.

I also had my first organising fuck up in a while as we started with 10, as I had miscounted my Savage’s. We also were missing Freddie this week as he was on Malia. Good luck fella, don’t rent no scooters. A text was dispatched begging for an eleventh and we took to the field. 

We opened with Naseri at one end and Benjamin Cabbage at the other. Naseri was rapid, controlled and quite quite fearsome in his pace. Thee were a couple of runs scored but it was tough scoring against him, and he got a wicket in the first or second over caught by Mr Baines at point. Mr Baines was somehow involved in all of the top 5 wickets, determined to put his week off behind him and resume man of the match responsibility.

We have swiftly come to appreciate our fine young Afghan recruit, Naseri. With a smile on his face and a spring in his step, he just absolutely loves the fine sport of cricket. He high fived almost the entire team for his first wicket and is just generally a very happy chappy.

We had also started with Benjamin Sawyer behind the stumps in Matt’s absence and he had more chirpy chirpy cheep cheep than an aviary. The sun tanned Phillips, we called him. 

Cabbage’s first over was, well a lot happened. Let’s just say that he couldn’t quite find his length, and the batsmen having seen Naseri thought - well we must score off this guy. And score they did. 20 odd runs were plundered like the booty from a sunken galleon. 

Ar-ha! Treasure!

Cabbage was gently ushered out of the “attack” by Threadgold and Baines was brought in and boy did he do well. Economic and challenging and fast. He bowled one guy with a full toss after tying him down for a bit and the next wicket was an absolute sight to behold. 

He bowled one fast and swinging and the batsman hit it high and deep into the offside. The swirling, menacing wind was a factor as Benjamin “am I bothered” Kavanagh lurked at wide long, like a gaslighting hinge date, ready to pounce at a moment of vulnerability. The ball went everywhere up in the sky and then down, moving this way and that. Kav was ready, and cat like grasped it inches from the turf. Then tossed it to one side and acted like nothing had happened. Leg-end. 

Gogia joined Baines in some nice twirly stuff here and there and I recall Sawyer doing some good and really not good stuff behind the stumps in equal measure. I tried to sprint and did a mild mischief to my quad muscle borne of old age. Sawyer chirped. A lot. Threadgold was doing great in the field and as captain - masking the missing 11th man. And Cooper did some nice field work. I limped about a bit and generally contributed nothing.

Then - joy of joys - Toby turned up, here to save the day. We had eleven - rescued by the kindness and dedication of a man who just cares. Some might say too much. Not us, no siree bob.

Gogia was exerting some pressure - then Baines did one of his many ridiculous things that night - with a run out in play, but only if it was a direct hit - he did just that - taking his time and aiming to perfection. Breaking a bail in the process. Of course he did.

Cooper came in to the attack and I carried on limping around doing quite literally fuck all other than chat. Cabbage bowled better in his second spell - towards the stumps and not short was a good move matey - and then offered one high to Baines, who snaffled the chance.

Shortly after this it became the festival of run outs. Ben Savage concocted one. Toby came into bowl, looking menacing, and then Naseri fielded one really well in the deep to do a neat run out from the deep. 

Also Toby bowled one ball that was too good for this planet - doing so much it missed the batsman and stumps and evaded Sawyer - in each case by millimetres. It defied the very laws of physics. 

Sawyer got a stumping, Toby was not dropped off his bowling and Naseri finished bowling a rapid full one at the stumps to leave them splattered. It was such a rapid end and so many run outs that I cannot recall all the details - but suffice to say it felt like we were competent in the field this night.  127 felt gettable, but I recall them having some bowling. 

Baines and Kav opened and, with a so far so good to start for the first over. Unfortunately Kav perished early, with an absolutely fucker of a ball early up - I was umpiring and it pitched on leg, moved in to middle and leg and then moved away and down to demolish the stumps. It was a weekend ball in a midweek world.

Baines and Mailies settled after that. Some lovely deft shots and more brutal cuts and thrusts here and there, with a Baines hammer to the offside that I can recall, and Mailies touching the to offside with deftness and grace. 

Mailies fell to a great catch, cutting to a short backward point-ish field position, who took it really well on the dive. The opening two bowlers were really quite good. Sawyer joined Baines and after a few sighters really got his eye in, taking strike rotation seriously, hitting 4's and 6's including a monster to long on, and a pull to square leg that just got faster off the bat. 

He then did one of the funnier things on a night full of funny things. He tried a sweepy type thing and somehow top edged it straight up. Perhaps deliberately, perhaps not, he just stood perfectly still and let the wicket keeper and a fielder sort of run around him trying to catch it, and then somehow not despite having all the time in the world. 

Baines perished on 35 when he was otherwise into his stride, hitting to wide long on. Threadgold joined Sawyer for a spell, but didn't last overly long. bowled.

The opposition then allowed me to crawl out to the crease (probably breaking some sort of time out rule) and have Dan Threadgold as a runner like it was the 80's. 

An example of a very good things from the 80's

I managed to tickle a 4 off my toes that got general applause, did not move my feet once (unlike most other weeks, natch) and generally watched Sawyer cruise to 50 for my second time this season with the best seat in the house. Much appreciation to Mr Threadgold for running many more runs than I would have, as we reeled the total in slowly

Sawyer did the classic, get to 50 and then get out. He was not stumped to one where he didn't move his feet. He then had a chat with the wicket keeper where he joked about how he couldn't be stumped as he never moved his feet or left his crease and then... guess what.... he charged the next ball and was stumped. Genius.

Cooper joined me for a bit, I managed to punch a 4 to the offside and he galloped us home close to the end.

I skipped the pub, it was late and Mr Naseri needing to be taken home, and I gather they missed out on pizzas. Boo. 

Next week, Kingston Dons.

Life's a Beach...

The Jaguars 118-7 (Kav 38, Threadhold 25, Panigrahi 4-26) lost to Waterbeach 138/8 (Kumar 49, Charlton 31, B Savage 3-30) by 20 runs

MOTM - Kav

I'm a bit late to writing this match report, so my memory is a bit foggy and I'm writing between "important" meetings, so please be kind as it may need an update. 

No Baines this week so Scottish jokes are less easy to come by. I think I might have exhausted my supply anyway. Ach no.

We've played Waterbeach before, we were again at Queens, and we had the nice Amardin playing for us again, and the summer heatwave continued. Waterbeach midweek seem to all be Milton weekend players, which is a bit odd, but there you go.

Waterbeach won the toss and batted. We had Mr Super-Fantastic Kav behind the stumps. Each game he tries a new role and seems to somehow be quite handy at it. I've seen him as a scary fast opening bowler, a dominating hard hitting gun opening batsman and now an octopus like wicket keeper with a deft turn in behind the stumps sledging. Some people, eh, they have all the skills?!

Amardin opened with Jake Holmes at the other end and the opening batsman were pretty solid. Amardin was economic, but kept not bowling at the stumps, the cheeky fella. Jake was bowling some good lines and scoring early was slow, but the batsmen were also not giving many chances up so the early pace and tone was a little flat. Eventually a few runs started flowing, with Jake and then Georgie Baker at the change, getting a bit of a bash around. Holmes was unlucky to go wicketless, bowling a full spell well, but not quite threatening as well. 

When Jake rolled out of the attack, Ben Savage was in, and then the batsmen really got into their stride. I recall debutant Nate doing some fielding, Kav doing some fine glovework, Freddie not mis-fielding for the first week in about a year, and there being like no chances at all in the field. Matt also gave some good glovekeeping tips and put himself about a bit. The batsmen were scoring at an ok pace, not getting out, but not really accelerating either. It was an odd period. The pitch also, again, looked a bit spongey.

What the pitch appeared to be made of.

One opener fell bowled by Sir Benjamin Cabbage, the number 3 looked handy, but the rest of the things of interest then happened quite late in the innings. Felix Day bowled some gloriously nice looking stuff, to get one nicely caught in the deep by Amardin. He then tied a batsman down before bowling him with a lovely change of flight ball, seeing the batsman coming down the track he shortened his length quite deliberately and dislodged the bottom of middle stump.

Savage, partnering nicely, bowled one with a full straight ball. He then got the immediate next batsmen bowled off his glove, pad and knee, to leave himself on a hat trick. We all got in close to inevitably watch nothing happen for the hat trick before retreating to our fielding positions. 

Freddie did a run out (well done Freddie - you're good at fielding pal!). I can't actually remember this, but it is definitely notable. Nate bowled an over, his first in two years. It was legal, I believe.

Amardin came back for the death and almost had a hat trick in the last over, bowling one with a fast straight searing yorker, bowling the next with a... yep, you guess it, fast straight searing yorker, and then not getting the hat trick because why would you.

Their rate was fine, they had been on for a monster total at one point, and getting them back to 138 felt like a win, especially as the last few overs were eventful for good reasons.

Freddie and Kav started the batting in reply and the bowling looked handy. Super handy. Kav advanced to the first 6 balls he faced and swung and missed, but was not out, playing out a maiden - he would have but for the fact it was an 8 ball over and he lumped a 4 at one point before rotating strike and taking more of a shine to bowler 2, hitting 2 4's and a lovely off slap/driven six. 

Freddie played a quiet supporting role of letting Kav hit the ball, and running for his cheeky strike stealing singles at the end of the two first 8 ball overs, whilst watching him spank it to all corners after the initial frustration.

Kav and Freddie heading out to Bat

Freddie clearly loved his supporting role so decided to get out to the tricksy bowling, missing a full and straight one leaving off stump asunder, having score 6 of the first 33. 

All the bowling was pretty good from here on in. Threadgold partnered Kav "the slapper" for a while and the scoring was good if biased towards one end for Kav to put on most of a 21 run partnership.

Kav fell bowled having looked, for all the world, as though he was playing on a different pitch, apart from that first over when he looked very human and fallible, albeit very briefly.

Then it was down to Dan and me to dig in like the 3rd day of a Rawilpindi turner. In truth we both tried to score, but the bowling was very good and it was hard to score chaps. We quickly found ourselves behind the rate, and unable to change the pace despite our best efforts. We put on 30 runs, but it was less than a run a ball and not what the situation required. Mark of Old would have handy here, rather than Old Mark.

I feel eventually hitting to cow (at last mate), Matt was in then out, playing on I think. We were just a bit too far behind the rate with less than 40 balls to go. Dan fell and Felix and Jake were there to try and rescue an impossible situation. Felix ran admirably, and hit a wonderbar four over mid off with some glorious footwork before falling. I think Jake fell to some self-inflicted silliness, but it was late in the game and swinging was all there was to do.

Nate and George at the end got us nice and close. Nate hit a 4 first ball, George ever a suicidal runner made sure we put runs to get sort of close-ish, and we didn't win.

We went to the pub. It felt like every bowler in this team was good. It felt like a gettable run chase, that was prevented by some superb bowling. Anyway, there's always next week....