Mulched

Jags 147-8 (Meldal 59, Phillips 28*, Parrish 27 Raju 3-21) lost to Madingley Mulch (Pitigala 86*, F Christie 2-25) by 7 wickets

MOTM - Meldal

Having decided last week to lose by batting first and not putting enough runs on the board, this week we decided to put enough runs on the board and lose by fielding badly. We are finding new and innovative ways of losing lately. Good opposition mind.

Queens this week and these fellas from last year who moved with us from Division's 2 through to 1.

Matt and Freddie opened well. Matt was struggling to time it against some really challenging bowling. Freddie was at it from the off though, looking in fine touch. Matt playing second fiddle is unusual, but what he did phenomenally throughout was strike rotation. He wasn't timing it, but if you tip and run and rotate, you accumulate nicely. Team cricket is often about finding a way, and Matt knows this intimately. Some weeks you time it well, some weeks you don't. Some weeks it's chance free, some weeks it isn't. Each week finds its own path. This week it was ugly and hard, but it worked.

Matt all geared up and ready to find out what the cricketing gods have in store for him this week

Freddie was scoring all round the ground looking in lovely touch. A square drive 4 sticks in my mind somewhat as well as all the 4's being proper cricket shots. Matt eventually fell having helped get us to 79-1 from 10 or so, bowled by one that kept low. Benjamin Sawyer, father of Micah, was then welcomed to proceedings for the first time this year. He didn't hang about, choosing to go early on one that went high and was safely snaffled by the bowler.

Barker then strolled out and edged his first to the keeper. The bowler was on a hat trick and I strolled out to face it. Batting on a hat trick ball for the second week in a row. What are the odds. The really odd thing was they didn't change the field or anything, like some emotionless bunch. I survived it, then hit a pretty nice 2 that the assembled throng cheered like it was a cover driven 6 for some reason. 

I fell to an LBW appeal, that was almost not given as the bowler forgot to appeal for about 10 seconds. Then gently enquired and I was sent packing. It was plumb(er) than Mario and Luigi.

Oh no, he's out. Mamma Mia.

In a recurring theme of the evening, the opposition didn't show anything resembling emotion for any wicket whatsoever. No celebrations, hardly an appeal. It was eerily quiet.

Phillips joined Meldal for a bit and he was a strong contender for MOTM, as he got us going again after 3 quick wickets with his trade mark fast running and his trade mark "Phillips-Scoop" where he walks across his stumps and shovels it to square leg. It's a shot that defies description for even the most prose-laden of scribes.

Meldal fell after a sporting innings, for 59, to one that stayed a touch lower. Phillips was helped by Baker for a bit, but George fell to a great caught and bowled around the ankles, that the bowler didn't celebrate. It felt like we were playing against a team composed of people who had called the Samaritans switchboard that day as things were not going so well. Silent, emotionless.

Sabin joined Phillips and it was all sprinted runs before he fell bowled. Phillips then ran out Fraser Christie first ball. He's one of the top 3 cricket players in his family. Tyler joined his good old pal Phillips at the death and scored a spiffing 4 to help us get to 147-8.

Bennet and Sausage opened the bowling, and once more we had a gun bat opening, so what did we do - we decided not to catch him. They comfortably scored off both openers. The opener was dropped by Mr Sawyer at short cover, but he may have been put off by Mr Parrish looming large with the gloves right behind him. Both Sausage and Bennet came in for some contrasting tap. Barker joined the bowling for a bit but also went wicketless and the opener cruised to 50, untroubled.

We then dropped the same guy again in the deep on 50 - I think Barker or Tyler, they look so alike. 

75-0 and Matt tossed the cherry to F Christie, who twirled his arms like a ballerina, but got the breakthrough, with some nice penetrating bowling. Outside off, good length and Matt completed a tough stumping (it was very wide). Fraser subsequently bowled another, and his bowling is really quite hard to score from and also quite threatening.

Bennett then came back for Barker and won the "Worst thing of the Night" award. The batsmen pushed off for a single. Tyler got to the ball and showing an admirable, complete and total lack of anything resembling game awareness, tried to direct hit run out the other batsman who at that point was on 0 - not the guy who was on 50 and cruising, but was vulnerable to being run out. Bravo, Tyler. I'd suggest you walk home to give yourself time to think about things.

Phillips and I kept up the chirp. I also stopped an absolute screamer at point from the man who was batting well. George did some good work in the deep and then got an over for his trouble.

Sawyer decided to bring it home for them conceding 3 6's from the opener, with two of them possibly being catchable at just over head height for F Christie. He ended up on 86*. 

Anatomy of a Burger

After our last game against Cambourne, we went to the pub and had a pint and a burger. I ate burgers how I have eaten burgers in a restaurant since I was a child, and Matt was utterly shocked at how I do it. So here is the story behind the beer and burger.

Brown and yellow bits = good / green, red and purple bits = bad

I'm quite habitual in nature. Doing things over and over again that I like, in the way that I like, makes me happy. Some people put this down as weird, ADHD or whatever. I figure if it makes you happy and doesn't harm anyone else, then keep on doing it, sport.

This habitual thing used to work quite well when it came to batting in cricket for me. It may well work again, who knows. I enjoy it though, it worked before, so I'll keep doing it.

A long time ago in Devon when I was 7 we went on a family holiday to Torbay, near Paignton. This was the 80's, and eating out and takeaway food was much less prevalent than it is now. We ate everything home or school cooked, other than the occasional takeaway fish and chips. It was a different time, and for people of a certain vintage, this will feel familiar. When I explain it to youngsters, they seem to think I must have been Oliver Twist's twin brother. Kids nowadays with their Tik Toks, and their YouTube, and their total absence of rickets - they don't know they're born. We had no mobile phones, 4 TV channels and smoking was still cool.

Going on holiday was the first time I had encountered a sit down restaurant. Choosing what you want from a menu as a treat, it was new and exciting and unexpected. This was to be my first burger and chips. In the restaurant of the hotel we were staying in, which I think was called the Inn on the Green.

The burger turned up, as these things do, with lots of salad in it, much like the picture above. I was 7. I didn't want the salad. What child of that age thinks, yummy, time for some nice organic lettuce. So I asked my Mum if I could remove it from the burger. Using her top drawer parenting skills: she knew if she said no, there was a good chance I wouldn't eat the burger; if she said yes, I was missing out on vital nutrients essential for my development. So she compromised (the key to all parenting, in my experience) and said - you can take the salad out of the burger as long as you eat everything on your plate.

So this is what I did. I removed the lettuce, tomato and gherkin and re-assembled my burger without the rabbit food bit. I ate each of the salad like things, warmed by the burger, individually. I then really really enjoyed the burger and chips, essentially inhaling both without chewing. I have done this with certain foods ever since. My brain tells me that if I eat the thing I don't like, and finish with the thing I do, I will be happy. So that is what I do.

This habit also plays into my core Britishness - I want to order the thing off the menu with the minimum of fuss. I find the idea of talking to a waiter and saying, "can you customise my burger by removing the gherkin" confrontational and threatening in a socially awkward way. So I don't want to do it. I'd much rather order the thing as it is, then "fix" it on my plate, whilst also disposing of the evidence that I have corrected the salad like injustice the chef has decided to impose upon my palate.

If this makes me weird, then I am happy to be weird.

Cambourne Bombered - The Chris Mailes Game

Jags 101-10 (Parrish 39*, Barker 25, Duffy 3-13) lost to Cambourne CC 102-2 (Hasan 72*, Savage 1-16) by 8 wickets

MOTM - Barker

I would hazard a guess that when we've lost games where we are in fact the main reason for the loss, 9 times out of 10, they are lost by us letting ourselves down in the fielding department. Dropped catches, missed stumpings and run outs, or choosing to give a batsman scoring freely 9 lives or so. 

This game was thoroughly lost by us not putting on anything resembling a decent total as a whole host of us just threw our wickets away in a bizarre performance of inept batting. It's not really like us, but it did happen. I was there to witness it and played my part.

Some regulars had declined to attend owing to a game of kick ball being played in Germania on this particular evening. Also, Chris Mailes cancelled with less 

Parrish and Meldal started proceedings. Meldal fell early to a skied chance, with one that stuck in the pitch. Boudy then edged behind to the keeper first ball, meaning I had to wander out to face a hat-trick ball. I survived that (by closing my eyes no less), but never settled,  and was bowled middle stump with an ungainly hoick to try and get going. We were 3 runs for 3 wickets, in less than 2 overs, and Matt was pulling that face he's had to pull a few times - the "oh my goodness, do I have to do this all myself again!".

How I currently look to every single bowler I face

Barker came in, and as Matt hoped, he stuck around facing the majority of the strike. After a false start of sorts, we got going, with strike rotation, shots and fun times from these two gents. Barker was particularly strong down the wicket and on the sweep, and Parrish was walloping it when he got to face it, which was not very often. This propelled us to 50 odd runs, which had seemed quite out of reach 2 overs in.

Barker eventually perished, just not quite hitting one down the ground and being caught. Warburton came in, a late sub, and gamely ran and pushed lots of singles to keep the rate up. Matt was still really not facing much of the ball at all, but he was still there, and that is important for reasons.

Warburton then ran himself out chasing a non-existent run. It was good he ran himself out, as this mean Matt might get to face some more bowling at some point. Sabin joined Matt and ran an all action 4. This prompted one of favourite moments of the evening (I was umpiring so could hear) when Matt called Sabin over for a chat between overs and just said to Sabin words to the effect of - "you look tired after running 4, so we're going to pretend to be having a long chat about tactics and what not, but the truth is just stay here for a bit, I'll talk and you catch your breath fella". 

Sabin and Matt got us to 84-6, when Sabin fell bowled. P Cooper joined Matt. They moved things along, but then Paul was caught and bowled to a very nice ankle high grab. G Baker joined Matt for a bit, and we were fast running out of partners for our skipper. 

Baker fell, run out to a suicide 2 leaving us at 101-8 with 16 balls to go. Matt carefully instructed Tyler to rotate the strike and give Matt a chance to get us to 120. Tyler went hard first ball and was caught. 101-9. Sausage then strolled out and Matt gave him the exact same talk, nothing silly, let's play out the over and get me on strike. He then pitched it up for an easy catch. Team hat trick to finish. 101 all out.

Matt somehow went through a 106 ball innings and only faced 34 balls. I would say that 7 or so of our wickets were thrown away and defending 101 is, erm, not likely on a nice deck.

Not to spoil it for you, but we didn't defend it. We seemed to have decided that if we hadn't batted well, then we didn't need to field well either.

Bennett and Sausage opened up. Sausage bowled really well, castling one of the openers at 22-1. Their other opener, playing in sunglasses, was hitting some absolutely class shots from the off and looked the man to get if we had even a slim chance of defending this meagre total.

Barker came in for Bennett. We then dropped their opener the first time (P Cooper, covers). Barker then extracted their number 3 with a catch to leave it at 59-2 to give us the tiniest bit of hope.

The amount of hope we had at this point

We were lost at this point really, so we just chirped, chirped and chirped some more. I was particularly proud of saying, "come on boys, net run rate is a factor here" when the batsmen briefly slowed down, causing both umpires to bend over laughing. I'm contributing somehow, lads.

We then dropped their opener again (cow ish - J Barker), in keeping with the theme of the evening. None was an easy chance, but if you're going to drop one, make it not the guy who is scoring all the runs. Cooper came in for an over, and was hit about a fair bit.

They got there in 11 overs. We put too few on the board to have a chance, and then didn't really give ourselves a chance in the field. The chirp was good. We went to the pub and talked about burgers.

If Chris Mailes has turned up, we were certain to have won this at a canter. He didn't, so we lost, and we will never ever forget it.

Also Chris, pay your match fees.