Cambourne Bombered

Jags 157-7 (Meldal 51, Sawyer 37, Fardell 18, Duffy 3-24) lost to Cambourne 160-6 (Mcalister 56, White 25, Gogia 2-32, O Savage 2-31)

MOTM - Gogia - (it would have been Freddie, but he dropped lots).

This game merits a longer match report and I have notes, but in the interests of keeping the content flowing, here is where I am at. 

We played away at Greater Cambourne in our first league fixture of the season in the more happy environs of The Cambridge Business House League Division 2. We've had some nice games against Cambourne 1's and 2's, most have tended to be quite close and tonight was no exception. This game saw us face Mr Bennett in deep and intense anger for the first time in his new guise as a Cambourne-ite. It's a very nice setting for cricket this place, but the strip is a bit, erm, undulating and the fences were put together in the 1860's by frontier's folk pushing out west to find gold and not get scalped. This means you lose the ball. A lot. Also, it was really windy.

The man who decided this was adequate to stop cricket balls, needs to learn what cricket is

Spoiler alert, we lost and catches do win matches... cough cough, Freddie.

Matt won the toss and batted first, opening with Kav. Matt's first shot off Tyler's bowling was classic and class, a purposeful late cut to third man off the angled blade, to leave Tyler as happy as he can be. Kav started in typical rumbunctious form, spanking one into the playground across the way and looking like he might take a shine to Tyler after some typical pre game Whats App banter.

The pitch did not help matters and live by the sword and die by the sword fell to Tyler caught on the offside in the deep. I say fell to Tyler, Tyler had very little to do with it - Kav just went big, it held up with the wind and fell nicely to the fielder. I think he would have got out the same ish sort of way if I was bowling. Kav got Kav out, basically. Nothing to do with Tyler. Kav was suitably smiley and cheery as he hopped off the pitch...

Matt was joined by Freddie, and they built briefly, Matt hitting one more 4, and Freddie looking in fluent form. Matt fell to the other tricky opener White, caught on the on side. So I joined the fray. I really struggled with the opener, ending up with 1 off 7 balls at this stage. I wasn't out though.

The bowling change helped. A lot. Freddie let loose at the looseners he was presented with and I went from 1 off 7 to 13 off 10, thanks to some shorter stuff that didn't get up too high. I got lots of well appreciated applause for some middling shots from the assembled throng. Freddie's rate and accumulation, and between overs coaching tips to me, helped us cruise along trouble free for 3-4 overs and post a rapid 50 partnership, mostly Freddie.

Then a slow bowler. Man I hate slow bowlers. Spinners are fine, but slow bowlers who just loop it can get in the bin. I should have been LBW first ball, but it was a 3 bounce no ball. I then couldn't do much with the next few and realising this was my kryptonite, I decided to charge forward (me, moving my feet, imagine!), tried to mow across the line and was easily stumped. I actually started walking back to the pavilion before the bails had been removed. 

Argh, slow bowling, it burns!

Sawyer then joined the fray, and the fireworks began. Sawyer has looked in fine touch and was straight into it from the get go, reverse pulling, and clubbing and running like a younger, fitter man. Inspired by age being nothing but a number, Freddie got his 50 by pulling into the car park almost hitting the, now sadly closed, kebab van.

Freddie fell next ball, the wind was a factor in a catch at longish on, and Phillips joined Sawyer for a bit, but was bowled in relatively short order. Barker then joined (nice to see you back, Mr Cambourne) and there was a ruckus over the digital scoring and all of us being technology illiterate. Barker fell LBW, Sawyer continued at pace, and the slow bowler carried on tying people down. He had that incredibly annoying habit of bowling at the stumps.

Baines and Sawyer saw things out, getting us to a good total. Sawyer fell last ball for a well deserved and rapid 37 off 20.

The change of innings saw the very pleasant Mr Mcalister (normally of the Cambourne 1's) and Durrani junior open the batting. The latter's parents are on Hajj at the moment, so a massive party at his house was expected post game. Baines and Savage opened the bowling and Ryan started with aplomb, testing the fence at many an opportunity. We had to hunt for the ball a lot in neighbouring fields and the cars were constantly under threat.

Ryan should have been caught legside deep by My Meldal early on, but he wasn't. Ryan took this as his sign to tee off. Good job Freddie. Kav rotated into the attack and we had the debutante Gogia join us, with his twirly armed stuff breaking the partnership at last, first ball, stumped by Mr Parrish with some slick glovework. Fielding was generally pretty good, although I do remember Freddie dropping another at some point in the ring (or he just didn't fancy it). Phillips did some great fielding in the ring that I can recall, putting his body on the line to stop some runs. Chirp was ok, but when it's mostly me, it can be not the most ideal. 

Phillips after all his injuries, more machine now than man

Gogia got the 1-2 with the 3rd batsman falling bowled. He then took a ridiculous catch in the deep at some point from O Savage, running and clutching on the go at the same time. The game was in the balance here, not least as Cooper bowled the opener (for 56), and things were looking pretty tight.

We then had a fielding fuck up for the ages where several players, you know who you are, managed to give the oppo 4 runs throwing it everywhere but the stumps. The pleasingly named Willow White, opening bowler, steadied the ship, inspired by our crap fielding, and there was time for some minor controversy, when the square leg umpire didn't give a stumping, even though the batsman walked. I was told later they are related. Neutral as Switzerland he was.

We got a cheeky run out, but at this point Cambourne were on the rate. Then we had to lose Kav as he had a shift at Nando's, Churrasco ahoy and we were pretty short of bowlers. Cooper bowled incredibly well, and the 14th of 15 was Phillips's. He did his utmost, with some good balls, but it left them needing 8 or so from the last over. 

They got there comfortably, finishing with a 4 from our newly acquired lovable Scot, Baines. We also lost a new Dukes pink ball and Freddie probably dropped it again. Details details. Good game mind, I'd rather lose a tight one than win a walkover, but maybe that's why I'm not captain material.

We retired to the pavilion had ten minutes to grab beers before the bar turned into a prayer room, and then sat out on the grass king of the hill style drinking a local brewed ale called The Third Man, which was pretty solid.

I've missed some details, but it was a good total, some good bowling and batting, and just a few slips in the field made the difference I feel. Barrington next week.

Something I forgot from the Sharks Game

Something I neglected to mention from the Sharks game merits it's own little postscript (I wrote the report in haste, so no doubt missed other ditties), but Benjamin "Soy Sauce" Sawyer took it upon himself to be the keeper for the first time in his life. 

I would describe it as a steep learning curve. It looked a bit like one of those graphs of investment returns, hockey stick shaped starting at 0 and within a short period of time we're all millionaires, Rodney.

To begin, he was rubbish, byes and screams and generally he had no idea what he was doing. He squealed like a baby at least once I can recall, and it felt like an act of extreme generosity on our part to hand so many extras to the opposition.

Then Matt at slip had a quiet word in his ear and possibly deserves some sort of coach of the year award as things started to uptick, rapidly. Sawyer started taking cleanly, conventionally to start. He then edged further forwards to the bowlers, still taking it cleanly. Then, by the end he was snatching balls down the legside one handed as though he had been doing it his whole life, and was smiling and laughing whilst he did it.

It was mental. Like the before and after montage in an 80's film, let's say Rocky or maybe Team America: World Police - start shit, get good, short span of time (20 overs apparently). Yet we all got to watch it in real time.

He also got hit in the neck by the bails at least once.

I guess if you're good at sport, you can improve in the course of an hour. 

It was delightful to watch.

Sawyer at the Start

Sawyer at the End

It's all about the Vibes

Jags 166-7, (Kav 52*, Meldal 26*, Sawyer 25, Mailes 17, S Sahaai 4-18) beat Sharks 121-8, (Smith 26*, Sahai 16*, Holmes 3-7) by 45 runs

Man of the Match - Kav

We've played the Sharks a lot over the years and had some good old fixtures. Things have flipped, they used to beat us, annihilate us in fact, for the first 5/6 seasons of Jags crickets, then it got close for a few seasons, and lately it has flipped where we tend to be the stronger side. I used to contribute quite a lot in heroic defeats back in the early days, and now I contribute very little in scorching wins for the Jags. We have history, it goes back a full 15 years at this stage, which is longer than most professional sports careers last.

Also, I'd characterise the Jags as a "Vibes" team, we're a strong side. We're friends (mostly) and we like playing together, win (preferably) or lose, we are there to enjoy the absolute madness that is cricket. We clap batsmen in, we offer condolences on people getting out unfortunately, we apologise for lucky dismissals and we have a bit of a lark around in the field and spend more time sledging each other than the opposition. I think the spirit or friendliness of the entire endeavour is a big part of why we do it. It's certainly a big part of why I organise and attend. That and the pub.

Tonight the vibe felt a bit off. I can't put my finger on it. We had an insanely strong side (lads, save your availability for the league fixtures) and raced away out the gate, put a big total on, and it was clear at the turn there was only going to be one winning team. This happens, it's cricket, it's a core part of what happens with two innings.

We won the toss and batted, Kav and Meldal were absolutely on it early, Kav absolutely creaming everything he faced with never a forward defensive in sight. Freddie was an able deputy, and we hit about 40 runs off the first 3 8 ball overs. It was absolute carnage from the first ball, 4 6 sixes in this period, one outrageous slap down the ground from Kav sticks in the mind, as does an upwards drive from Freddie, back in fluent form. Katy Perry sang a song about this; it was called fireworks (although Kissed a Girl is also a cracking track).

Even this early on in the innings, and bearing in mind we had an hour and a half to play, heads visibly slumped in the field, as ball after ball was collected from hedges, trees and tennis courts. Kav retired on 25* (old school game) and you would think his swagger/stroll off the field deserved its own soundtrack by white snake or someone. Cooper joined found a few singles before holing out to cow finding the only spot with a fielder in that area. Holmes then did exactly the same as Paul a few balls later. Neither could have picked out the fielder better, and neither fielder had to move an inch.

I strolled out and was given a bit of a 'greeting' to the crease (which is fine), I missed my first ball, there was a very big appeal and I was given out LBW by the judicious but fair Liam, and then was given a bit of a send off (which is also fine). Rammers did politely enquire if I'd hit it - which was nice of him, but I categorically hadn't and off I went to general mirth. I was comfortably out, it's a little bit annoying but that's cricket and what not, it just felt a bit, erm, off. It reminded me a bit of one of those wildlife shows where the lions get outfoxed by the wily wilderbeast herd (Kav, Freddie), but they manage to corner a three legged little one at the end and rip the poor bugger to shreds, and this was somehow a cause for celebration.

The innings picked up again a bit at this point. Mailes (welcome back) was fluent and Parrish was not at all fluent, but still scored, mainly off the edge of his bat, and entirely in singles it would seem. Mailes was bowled. Parrish struggled for every single one of his 15 runs this week. Purton joined for a bit before being caught to their bowler of the night Sumit. Sawyer then strolled out, had a lot of fun, including a reverse pull, and then Kav returned and hammered the last few balls for 50. 

Other things I recall at the end, Parrish got caught, I also didn't given him LBW just before then (which might have been a mercy at this point) mainly as he wasn't LBW, but also because the bowler forced me to stand a good 20 feet from the stumps. Brett briefly was in and bowled. Phillips kept Kav company at the end and allowed him to farm the strike to get his 50 (good man), and Sawyer laughed whilst he was batting, including during actual shots (not in a twatty way, I promise). Some of the bowling was very generous, apart from that on offer by Sumit.

166-7 Boom. 

Sharks never really got going at the start, I think mostly because of the imposing total, but also this was mainly/entirely down to Jake Holmes starting at a weekend Onyx level pace. 1, 2 and 3 were sent back to the hutch, one caught and bowled, one just bowled (the incomparable Matt Biss) and another bowled in the first 4 overs. We took him out of the attack with an over to spare in his locker as he as just bowling too well and then rotated ten players into bowl. Cooper had a spell that got tapped about a bit, Brett did some bowling (slightly lower than his full pace) that was wicketless, and Toby, Kav and Mailes all had a go.

Rob Smith (opposition captain) put up the stoutest resistance with a fluent and well constructed 26*, Brown briefly threatened to put up a fight, but perished to a borderline no ball pulled straight down deep square leg's throat. No one but Rob hung around for too long, Rammers played nicely, but Purton took his leg stump with one that turned miles, Marc struggled on a pitch that seemed to get worse and was bowled by Mailes. Sumit hung around with Smith for a decent spell, and was joined by another player and his son at spells. Scoring slowed and the game was out of sight. 

There was time for me to bowl (pull pin, throw high, duck and cover), Parrish and Meldal. Meldal almost got a career first and only hattrick with the last three balls of the innings, but in truth the game was more or less over a couple of overs after the innings break.

We went to the Red  Lion, ate Pizza and the pub vibes were great.

We Love the Leys

Jags 154-6 (Murray 46, Kav 27, Meldal 27, Oliver 2-20) beat the Leys School 152-6 (Oliver 31, Shipp 29, Baines 2-17) by 4 wickets

MOTM - Baines

This is one of my favourite fixtures of this or any season, no matter what befalls me or the team. They're a lovely bunch, the Latham Road fields and some pints at the Panton afterwards, a personal favourite of mine. 

I fell short last year in reporting on matches, so this will be more of a cliff notes of things I remembered from the evening, rather than a full blooded match report.

Leys "won" the toss and opted to bat, and were still scraping together players after the game had started. One turned up on one of those rented scooters whilst vaping - and he turned out to be a nice chap - but his entrance visually screamed, "not a nice chap" to those of certain vintage.

Matt had a brief pre match chat with Tyler about how he needed to keep his temper in check, and Tyler responded, "I've addressed my anger issues". Righty ho, matey.

The only book Tyler was allowed to read at school

The pitch was, unusually, a bit of a mess. Toby Purton and Ollie Savage opened the bowling. Ollie got a wicket to mid on (me), I caught it and fractured my finger in the process as confirmed by those lovely people at Addenbrookes. I caught it though, and it probably won't make much difference to my batting.

Tyler managed to turn an easy caught into a six by tipping it over the rope and, admirably, kept his cool to all the abuse he received. When he let a 4 through pretty much next ball, he took some more abuse than then, old Mr Angry was back in play - effing and jeffing and generally shouting abuse.

Parrish had a bowl and got one caught, Baines took it at the second attempt with an outrageously choreographed grab in the ring somewhere. It looked like he had fucked it, but in fact he was just putting his marker down early for his MOTM award.

Fielders were proper casual (we sensed this was one of those friendly sort of games) so runs weren't hard to pick up. 

Baines took the ball and bowled one, I think it was good, but I didn't take any notes so let's just all agree it was really good, a ripper no less. Off stump cartwheeling, children coohing, that sort of thing.

The vaper came on and his partner had brought his wife and 4 year old son to watch. They were treated to a partnership with dad doing a nice job of rolling back the years, and the other guy looking mental - hitting a crazy 6 first up. Kav bowled, very generously re-setting the field after the 6 to, "let him have some fun". 

Phillips did some very good fielding in the ring - and was rewarded with an over or two. He bowled one, Baines bowled one and Jake Holmes saw off the big hitting scooting vaping man - who is a young teacher at the school so has to address all his colleague as sir, and pretend he is still sitting his GCSEs. Ah, the japes of private school life - no knife crime or teenage pregnancy to be seen here.

I should mention that Tyler caught the last wicket, Baines fielded very well, and the Leys posted a respectable 152.

I should add that Oz Christie kindly offered to score the game - and was wearing some sort of polar explorer gear on a bench in the freezing cold as it is early in the season and he is old so gets cold easily.

I opened the batting with Murray Christie - which in and of itself feels like a future pub quiz question - "Who is the worst batsman Ashes winning England Captain Sir Murray Christie has ever opened the batting with...". 

Perhaps mindful of his elated status I tried to run him out early, tipping one to backward point and then setting off hardly calling, probably as it wasn't my call. He made it safely home, I would have been about 10 yards short.

He played some lovely shots, a late cut and a tickled 4 to the legside stuck in the mind, as well as a square pull of some class. I managed to get the ball and my bat to occasionally connect with each other, and then ran myself out going back for 2. I turned my back on the ball, called "go 2" when there wasn't a run and could have actually got back, if I didn't have the turning circle of a whale barge or indeed if I had grounded my bat. Murray wisely grounded his bat, watched me not make it back and then apologised when he had no reason to apologise. I really rather enjoyed it all to be honest.

Kav came in and hit some ridiculous shots - the ball sounding like a shotgun off his bat. There were no retirement rules agreed pre game, so after he had hit 27 off 12, Matt decided to call him back in just because. 

Poor Jake Holmes then faced the most bizarre 3 ball spell I've seen. The first was a no ball, full toss, murder ball. The second was a genuine bouncer... The third was a full length in-ducker that sent him packing. It was a genuinely curate's egg of a spell from the bowler.

Freddie and Muzzah had a good. Muzz looked fluent and composed, Meldal looked a little more skittish - perhaps by comparison or because the pitch was a bit unreliable. Still, Meldal on an average day was still worth 27 before being caught. The game was out of sight here, O Savage hit some runs before being bowled. Tyler played for a bit, hitting a gorgeous 4 before perishing hitting the ball straight up.  

Muzzah was then told, on 47* that Matt had decided this was his last ball for some reason, he tried to manufacture the 4 he needed for 50 and was stumped. 

Toby hit an absolutely lovely tickle for 1, late off the pads a beautiful cricket shot. The Baines won it at the death with a 4 to legside, confirming with his wonder catch, two great wickets, and hitting the winning runs that he was the undoubted MOTM for me. I suspect Muzzah will receive a few plaudits in his life.

We finished, hands were shaken and the atmosphere was convivial, and pleasant. Oz handed back the book and moaned about a lack of patio heaters around the edge of the ground and we retired to the Panton for some sweet amber nectar, my "bantz" attempts to get down with the kids and some chat about how ending up at Vinyl in Cambridge is a thing that can happen to people young and old in the wrong circumstances.

It was a throwback game, friendly and good natured, fun and pleasant all in equal measure.

Jags Succumb to the Full Press

Jags 93-8 (Meldal 35*, Mann 8, Hill 2-9) lost to Cambridge University Press (Day 30*, Xavier 29*, Brett 1-25) by 5 Wickets

MOTM - Meldal

This was one of those early season games where the light is bad, the pitch is bad, and we're generally just becoming re-acquainted with our gear and what the rules are. I wasn't there, so all I can do is share the text messages I got of note from the live chat What's App conversation of the fixture, which tells a story more than any prose of mine ever could.

It's a shield, but they put us to the sword

Sawyer: 18:05     We're 5-2 off 2 - the ball doesn't bounce

Parrish: 18:07     3 down so far, 2 pee rollers, all bowled. CASS pitch a disaster

Parrish: 18:35     62-4 from 8. Freddie saving the innings. 

Sawyer: 18:52    Got about 90ish

                          Was lovely to watch

                          Philips Graceful

                          Sabin Mr Late Cut

                          Mann, Stunning Cricketing Shots

                          Freddie up to his old tricks

                                    

Sawyer: 19:02    Cos, what do we say about the man, the myth, the legend

                         Started off with a wicket

                         Stirling's finest with a beautiful action

                         Anderson esque

Sawyer: 19:13    Liam next over starts with a full toss

                         Cossie saves by throwing over the boundary

                         Liam then bowls a ball that is so good the umpire laughs

                         before it gets to short leg

Sawyer: 19:20    Great catch over the shoulder from Dan

Sawyer: 19:30    A no ball so high it was served for 4, class bowling Phillips

Sawyer: 19:40    FREDDIE WICKET

                         LBW

                         LOVELY

Sawyer: 19:42   Batsman nails it to short cover.

                        Neville Southall dive from Strachan

                        Pushes it back to Freddie

                        Who handbags it to the right of sleight of hands Parrish

And there you have it - mainly from the mind and phone of Sawyer. 

What I took from this was: 

- CASS Pitch is Rubbish

- Freddie retains class in difficult conditions

- Banter is alive and well

- I can literally visualise the Phillips over head height no ball without needing to be there.

- Dan made a good catch.

- Everyone had a fun evening.

Also the scorebook has Coslett on 2 from 17 balls. Steve Mann also got run out, probably by Freddie.

Season Incoming - and a Tribute to a Former Player

It's just over 4 weeks until the start of the season. We have 15 consecutive games, 1 a week, starting on my birthday - the 8th of May. I'll be 43 years young and I'm sure the team have been sorting a whip round to buy me some cricket lessons. 

We have 5 friendlies and 10 league fixtures in the calendar, with a smattering of teams we know well, or who are new to the roster, or who we haven't played for a season or two. Lots of nice grounds to play at as well.

I'm thoroughly looking forward to it having invested in a new set of Dukes midweek balls, they look very fetching and I'm sure a 50 or a Pfeiffer is incoming for one or other of the Jags players this year. 

We've shifted away from Thursdays to Wednesdays as much as possible, to help with availability this year. I plan to still use WhatsApp and Play-Cricket - but hope to also bring Teamo into the mix this year. If I can figure out how to use it. Being imminently 43, I find technology is getting to the stage where I cannot keep up. I must be getting old.

The Jags as a ragtag team of many years has been going since 2010. Some think it first played in 2011, but there was a one off fixture against Mills and Reeve in 2010 at Churchill College which we lost. Justin Edwards and Paul Broadbridge opened the batting, with Justin getting a 25*, we posted a perfectly adequate total and they saw it off and it felt like the start of something fun. I got a golden duck that day, for anyone who cares to know, bowled whilst swiping wildly at a slow ball from a Mr Jamie Wheatley if memory serves when a period of consolidation would have been better for the team. I have since learned, literally nothing, from this incident.

Having been around for so long we have had a large number of players over the years come and go, and some stick in the mind. I feel a pastoral or paternal responsibility for these people, and a list of my 2022 wedding attendees if one was discoverable would be a testament to the deep and enduring ties that a mid-week amateur cricket team can form between people who like cricket and beer.

One chap who sticks in the mind, and who played for us for several reasons was Mr William Kingsmill, possibly the heir to the Kingsmill fortune. He was of a type that you often see in cricket at this level with height and a tall rangey bowling action that looks like it was delicately coached in the environs of some posh school where they had things like housemasters, recess, learnt Latin and his fellow pupils had names like Tarquin and Reginald. In truth, I know nothing of his education, but he had that sort of air about him - curated, taught, honed to his craft. He got us a lot of wickets, and kept the scoring down, and pitched in at the bottom of the order with his batting. He had one stroke, it was a scythe through the line, hit it to cow corner or bust - which was oddly effective for the two balls it worked, before the bowler realised and put it outside off.

He had a modest, quiet and unassuming air, likable, working for the team in the field, a big arm and he just struck you as very happy to be participating in this sporting endeavour which was, in truth probably about 12 miles below his actual standard. Also, I recall him bringing an old style coffin cricket bag to his first few games, and plonking it outside the changing rooms to silently intimidate anyone who knew what a bag of that ilk meant. In my head it had been handed down from father to son through the family line, had been monogrammed in gold stencil, and probably had some spear damage on the surface that it has received at the battle of Rorke's Drift. Midweek cricket, for the encounters it creates is enhanced for having this sort of character. 

I still recall what I regard as his finest wicket for us - before he disappeared off to Laandaan with its better pay and career opportunities (pfft). We were playing a team recorded somewhere in this blog and he opened the bowling. There was some pre-game chat about putting Ant at slip, and the opening batsman was recognised by all our midweek cricketers as being someone to be feared. He took his guard, doing that funny thing where they take the bails off the stumps, and bash some sort of pattern into the crease, looking up at the sky to determine how the angle of the sun will impact their cover drive foot motion and how many reference points they need. He had the air of someone who was going to shortly be scoring a lot of runs with giddy, but technically correct, abandon.

Will took his epic run up starting position, thundered into the crease and delivered a pitch perfect good length ball on off. The batsman moved forward, bat covering off stump in a forward defensive motion that Wisden could have used for illustration purposes. The ball then gripped as it landed, moved slightly away off the deck, took the edge of the bat, and it angle straight into Ant at slip, where he held it with a combination of hands and belly. The opener ducked his head and politely walked off. It was a moment of such purity that it had no place in a midweek game of such a low standard. Then we all celebrated like school kids on the last day of term, the rest of the game happened (it's in here somewhere if you want to search for it) and we went to the pub, because of course we did.

I still think of that wicket every season, and it reminds me of Mr Kingsmill and all the thoroughly enjoyable experiences he gave us on a cricket field. Wherever you are sir, we continue to salute you.

Once a Jag, always a Jag.

The Importance of a Level Playing Field

I've been following the Champions Trophy of late, as this time of year is very much a time where I look forward to the prospect of cricket to come - and as a result consume any media relating to cricket overseas. This also allows me to read things during the present tumultuous times without having to consume actual news, which of late has been universally rubbish, filled with all the worst things and people; like a throwback from the mid-war period of the 20th Century with nations and people trying to out-compete each other for who can say and do the most awful thing. History doesn't look kindly on this sort of behaviour, but sadly we have to live in the here and now and figure out what to make of it all as it evolves around us.

I keep half expecting Dick Dastardly to announce he is running for President of the World, with major policy ambitions to fly around in a weird biplane dropping comically large cartoonish bombs using a dog on random places he doesn't like, and to declare he will imprison all cartoon characters he doesn't get on with (so all of them) - with his election posters featuring the likes of Yogi Bear and Scooby Doo looking sad behind bars. In our present times, somehow some people would say, "I'd vote for that!", and I'd quietly shake my head and try to carry on being nice to everyone.

Anyway, I digress. Things I've enjoyed at the Champions Trophy have been Ben Duckett's mega 165 against Australia - particularly as he never really looks like he's that good, short, slightly ungainly and not the most athletic, yet accumulates runs in a pleasing way that makes players like me think, if he can, perhaps, perhaps... The England v Australia game was, despite us coming out on the wrong side of it, a thrilling fixture. The other notable points that stick in my head were the Josh Inglis slaughterhouse innings of 100 in 77 balls, and Afghanistan's Zadran hitting 177 on the way to a defeat of England.

England haven't done well, and Jos Buttler has had to step down, but you have to admire how England have been on the wrong end of most of the tournaments best moments in an almost comically consistent fashion. Seeing Afghanistan with the ever likable Jonathan Trott as their coach do well, is quite heartening - although there is an added complexity even here given how women's sports in Afghanistan, including the women's team, is banned. There is at least a positive postscript here that Cricket Australia has stepped up in such an admirable fashion to give them a home from home, and hopefully one day the wheels of social progressiveness will turn in their favour again.

One thing I categorically have not liked is the India team having all their games in Dubai, at the same ground, with the same hotel, training pitch and conditions for all their games and no travel. It also seems like a decision has been made purely out of financial greed and bias, with a lack of integrity featuring quite heavily.

Maybe cricket is not that different to world affairs after all. Dick Dastardly would be proud.

They may have engraved India's name on the trophy before the tournament began