Jags edge thriller at Kings

Deloitte 123-3 (Barclay 28*, Stewart 28*, Spencer 23*, Brett 2-7) lost to Jags 126-9 (Threadgold 37*, Brolia 28*, Horner 24, Fardell 20, Rice 5-17) by 1 wicket

Man of the Match - Threadgold

A near run thing, was how the Duke of Wellington described the Battle of Waterloo, and that is exactly what we had here in slightly more important circumstances, just squeaking home in a tight chase that see-sawed this way and that against old chums, Deloitte.

 Ant on a night out, the ladies to his left and right do not know what is coming...

The weather was still scorchio and we had been moved from Queens to Kings this week. The Kings square has been a bit of a variable quantity this year, something to do with horticulture and subsoil and drainage and the underlying chalk and clay composition dynamics of this part of Cambridge. The short way to describe it is, unpredictable, one bounce flies over your head, the other shoots towards your foot. It's not been quite as bad as some village grounds (I'm looking at you Waterbeach), but the College grounds offer a serenity and comfort that feels almost professional at times. The weather this year has been hard on groundsmen, so it's understandable if things aren't quite as road like as we've come to expect.

Deloitte turned up with a good 9 and decided to bat. We opened Tyler and Yaxley, fresh from his Michelle last week, and the early scoring was pretty rapid to be honest, with both batsmen taking a shine to Tyler and hitting 4's, helped by the pace, the length of bowling and the rapid outfield. Yaxley was more in control at the other end, using his foxing skills to control the batsmen with a combination of pace, and not so much pace, to return some pretty tasty economy figures. The contrast between the two ends was pronounced. Tyler bowled two (8 ball overs) and his third was held back for the death, with Deloitte racing to 30 from 3. 

Yaxley turned the tide with the first wicket, forcing one pushed high with a canny ball, that settled in mid on's hands (I forget who, I'll say J Barker as he likes fielding there). We were then treated to James Horner rotating on for Tyler. He had three eventful overs, the scorebook notes him as "Warner" which is close to being really threatening, and the things I recall were some larups from the batsmen for 4's, some revised threat to pull things back in, and an absolute body on the stop from his own bowling with the batsman absolutely hammering it back to him, and James getting in line to ensure it was going absolutely nowhere.

 How it might have looked

Yaxley continued for a full quota of 3 at the other end, returning some impressive figures. The top three batsmen all treated him with a lot of respect (or just swung and missed) and prefered to hit their runs from other bowling, with two retiring and one getting close with some lovely shots, including a class off drive, a square cut and a swivel pulled 4 to deep square that stick in my mind.

Brett came in next and was on one of those bowling spells where he just is on it. Tight lines, good economy, and some pretty mega pulled out celebrations - where he somehow misses the stumps or the edge and looks utterly shocked that he has not got a wicket. He cleaned up 2 with top of off jobs, cleaned bowled, and all ends up taken out, to finish on 2-7. He also managed to absolute murder a batsman in the plumbs for the second time in 2 weeks, before bowling him. It's the old rope a dope technique he loves so well.

At the midway point, Parrish decided to hand the gloves to Phillips, and starting twirling his arm for some of those magic balls. Coslett also got in on the it's slower-than-you-think action, his first was dispatched for 4 and he had an absolute meltdown that I didn't run 40 meters in 2 seconds to stop the boundary. Matt twirled with some threat, and then not so much, as Deloitte pushed towards a north of 100 hundred total, treating themselves to the buffet in front of them. 

Phillips did some fine work behind the stumps with his usual shy and retiring quiet nature in full display throughout. One dived legside stop was pretty tasty and sticks in the mind even some days later.

Phillips stopping a medium pace offside dobbler

Both Cozzie and Matt bowled better than I give them credit, but one Deloitte batsman was seeing the slower balls rather well. Tyler came back for the death over and did rather well, with Deloitte scoring some 4's through a combination of desperation and that stage of the game, getting them up to a total of 123-3. They should have pushed a little earlier, but their tail was long, they only had 9 players, and the bowling from Yaxley and Brett in particular made scoring hard, and it felt gettable.

Jags opened with Barker and Fardell, in a change up from our usual roster (it was that sort of game). Barker perished on two balls, clipping one high inside the circle trying to sweep. Fardell edged one behind the keeper for 4, to hit the best shot he's hit in weeks. Brolia replaced Barker and with his new stance, continuing eternal confidence, and good foot movement he got his eye in, and moved his feet a lot. I was watching from the other end thinking, wow, moving you feet when batting, that seems like it might be a good idea. Maybe I should give it a go?

Ant took a particular shine to Spencer of Deloitte, after being tied down for a couple of balls, he decided to dance down the wicket, showing his best Friday night on the town twinkle toe moves, and hit 4 consecutive 4's down the ground to retire in double quick time. Threadgold joined proceedings, I continued to protect my wicket a bit and eventually hit a much more crickety 4, an offiside drive/punch that raced away to the boundary. Dan was in rambunctious form, hitting a lovely leg side 4 and a nice punch for 3 that I recall. I perished taking on the short ball from the fast bowler, having hooked one for 4, I tried to repeat the trick, it was a bit faster, went a bit higher and was caught in the deep. Still, I'll happily take 20.

Phillips and Threadgold put on a brief partnership, before Phillips fell, bowled through the the double width garage he left between his bat and pads. Horner replaced him and hit his first for a massive 4 over long off. Threadgold was into his stride now and the two rotated strike nicely, hitting 1's and 2's with reckless abandon to keep the Jags very much on the rate. 

Threadgold's retirement, brought Coslett out and a new bowler in for Deloitte, Mr Rice. He had a Yaxley-esque spell to get to his 5. Horner was extracted first, 24 and swinging wildly outside off to leave a mega gap, being replaced by Parrish. Parrish scored a little single before perishing to a really quite solid delivery from a bowler other than Rice, good length, moved away and top of off bowled.

Cozzie fell next, edged a lovely wobbling delivery to the wicket keeper - who genuinely looked absolutely shocked to death that he had held it. It's a look we know well in this team of certain nameless wicket keepers from our recent past. Brett walked out with the rate climbing and wickets tumbling and tried to push on, but was bowled moving down his wicket. Yaxley was briefly out and the instructions were, please try and stay in, but he couldn't falling to a tricky LBW delivery that slid back in masterfully. 

We had Bennett and the returning Brolia out to see things home with Threadgold our last man to return should he be needed. He was. Bennett, scored a single and then perished slapping it high, for Brett (as substitute fielder) to take an easy catch giving Rice his 5. 

This left us needing 9 off the last 8 ball over with no wickets in hand, and the opening bowler back on. It was frenetic, and it felt tense. 1, was followed by dot dot followed by 2, then pressure relived with a 4 from Dan. 3 balls left, 2 runs needed. The next ball was called wide and the bowler was less than pleased, muttering something about "desperation" to Phillips the umpire. Dan put things beyond doubt, hitting a 4 through the backward point region for a win with 2 balls and no wickets to spare.

A tight and tense game at the end, but some excellent batting from Ant and Threadgold, including nerves of steel at the end, and some good middle order biffing from Horner and a very tight and economic bowling performance got us where we needed to be. Next week, Histon are up - and I would bet they put out a spirit crushingly good side for the last game of our season.

 

Things are getting serious

Stapleford Outlaws 125-10 (Yaxley 5-7!, Horner 3-23, Kingsmill 2-22, Badcock 40, J Rigby 31) 125-10 lost to Jags 126-2 (Parrish 59*, Brolia 38) by 8 wickets.

Man of the Match: Morgan Yaxley

It was a lovely evening, the last at Queens this year, our personal home of cricket. Tonight's opponents were Stapleford Outlaws, one of two Stapleford midweek teams. Why they have two teams, I do not know, but I hope it relates to some ancient dispute and massive falling out between former club captains. I haven't managed to glean from either captain why there are two midweek Stapleford teams, nor why one is called the "Outlaws" (a cracking name), or indeed anything interesting about this odd situation - nice fellas, but the chat is a bit lacking. I am stretching the bounds of creative writing by giving such light material so many sentences, all else I will say is that Stapleford is a village near the only official hill in Cambridgeshire and it has both a great golf course and an awesome farm shop, and two teams who must, for some reason, absolutely hate each other.

We didn't know it as we drove into the car park, but tonight for the Jags was to be a record breaking evening. We had a our first ever Michelle Pfeiffer courtesy of Histon legend Morgan Yaxley. I don't want to spoil it by the preview, but I just can't hold it in for several paragraphs. What a performance.

She's looking at you, Morgan. Meooow

 

Matt lost the toss and opted to bat. The opposition organiser pointed out to him that if you lose the toss then you don't get to choose what you do, and reversed Matt's decision. It was ballsy on Matt's part, he was very insistent we were batting, even going so far as to start putting his pads on, despite the coin telling him otherwise. Jags were bowling first.

The tried and test opening bowling partnership of Liam and Tyler were in for some difficult treatment early on as, despite bowling some very good lines, the opening batsmen were on one for Stapleford. J Rigby batted well; James Badcock was insanely good. Withing the space of 4, 8 balls overs there was not really a chance to note, and we all thought we were going to be staring down a total of 200 plus to chase, such was the measured ferocity. Badcock hit one particular legside glance/clip/tickle/oh my goodness 4 that was literally the epitome of amazing batting skill. The field was quiet: there was no chirp. The bowling was good, the batsmen were equal to it, we just all looked a bit concerned for several overs.

Then, finally, the breakthrough. Tyler sloped off after bowling well, and Kingsmill, the Lord of Longstanton Manor, came in and within the space of 7 balls, gave us hope. His previous 6 balls were, well, let's just not talk about those. His 7th ball was full, straight, and homing in on leg stump (thank God for 8 ball overs). The batsman missed it, and it hit the pads. We all went up appealing, the first noise we'd made that evening, and the umpire gave it. It was full, it was straight and it was certainly hitting leg, but a certain other Stapleford team may not have made the eminently correct decision, should we have found them umpiring this evening. LBW.

Then the chat commenced. As nice as it was seeing a top batsman playing beautiful shots with effortless ease, we were very, very happy to see the back of him. Horner came into the attack and dispensed the other batsman, after getting some tap first, he uprooted legstump with a nice full length delivery with some inswinging shape. The fielding improved from a previously lethargic effort, with Horner stopping one behind point that sticks in my mind, and Cozzie doing some sterling work at mid on that I also remember for some odd reason. Will continued with some very nice lines, James carried on bowling the ball in a legal fashion, and the insane opening scoring rate got back to "vaguely sensible".

 

We were then treated to our first outstanding catch of the evening. The new batsman hit a lovely clip to deep midwicket, so good in fact that the assembled Stapleford supporters started clapping for a certain 4. Tyler had other ideas, skipping perfectly into position rapidly and keeping his eye on the ball, he demonstrated perfect technique, steadying himself and grasping at waist height. A top contribution. 

 

Jamer Horner extracted the next batsman first ball for a slightly odd wicket. Short, outside off, looking to be slapped, the batsman tried to do a pro glide shot to 3rd man, but just popped it to Morgan in gully. Morg's first contribution of the evening. James then rather ruined our otherwise competent fielding with a hilarious overthrow for 2, checking first that no one was backing up, before launching the ball towards the stumps, and missing obviously.

 

Will extracted the other batsperson, who had looked very technically good, with another legstump uprooter. He also managed to hit a batsman in the region which causes all men to both laugh and wince at the same time, causing him to retire hurt.

 

Horner then conceded the bowling attack to Morgan Yaxley and the fireworks began. With a deft display of control, Morgan bowled the best spell I have seen as a Jag. We've had Piers Morgan bowl really well; Steve Morgan bowl some mental spells in his David Beckham shirt; and we've had Jay Atkinson bowl insanely well as one of our best South African players; and then there was this. 4 convential overs, 7 runs, 5 wickets. Let that sink in.

 

Having the tricky task of facing a left hand and right hand combo, he maintained control, composure and an almost zen like calm. Bowling mainly full, sometimes good, and always threatening, he took out batsmen 6-10. The first was a good length ball in the channel outside off that was edged to Horner at gully, high in the air, an easy catch, which James made look anything but easy. The second was a catch for the ages, the batsman hitting it low to covers, where Will lurked. Will glided, and fell at the same time, his long limbs in perfect unison, clutching the ball just above the turf. James makes easy catches look tricky; Will make tricky catches look easy. Teamwork makes the dreamwork. I'll stop now.

Phillips held up the other end with some solid bowling all rounder stuff, such is his role in life nowadays. Morgan then bowled one top of middle, and Will held a much less dramatic, much more regulation, catch to get him to 4. History beckoned, albeit a tiny slice of history, but Jags history, so important to those who find themselves reading this blog.

 

Scoring had slowed incredibly at this point, and Matt did a fantastic legside stop that I can recall behind the stumps. The final over saw Morgan get the 5th with some pressure and a precision ball, full length, top of off to leave Stapleford all out at 125 with 2 balls to spare. We celebrated like it was New Years' eve in 2000 and everyone (*except Tyler) waited for Morgan to walk off with the match ball as both teams clapped with his parents looking on. It was a very nice moment, one of the things that makes me very happy to be organiser in chief of this ragtag crew.

Matt and Ant opened the batting, chasing a run a ball total, and decided that getting ahead of the rate was the best strategy for ensuring we got to the pub in time for pizza. Both hit some glorious shots, Matt was very ground based, hitting a lovely on drive and a lovely off drive that I can recall. Ant was very good as well, clubbing to the on side, moving his feet extremely well, and keeping ahead of Matt in the scoring. The running was great as well, I cannot recall a single chance being offered and Ant was particuarly good at running and rotating the strike. Those are words I genuinely never thought I would write in that order.

 

Ant even ran out of his wicket, having been briefly tied down for a couple of balls, to hit a single to the offside from the very good spinner they had. We all languidly enjoyed from the sidelines. They were 75-1 from 6, and we got to 77-0 from 6.

 

 If you know, you know

 

The serenity of the biggest opening partnership in Jags history had to end, and thus the spinner saw Ant depart for a very well crafted 38, a full and faster ball from the spinner didn't get up, and hit him plumb in front for LBW. Cozzie joined Matt, hit a nice boundary, and then swiped wildly at one that was not to be swiped at, seeing his stumps uprooted. George Anderson made his Jags debut, and hit a nice couple of offside 4's, and generated some odd controversy when he was given not out stumped, mainly as he hadn't left his crease, but the wicket keeper was very animated, as though some great cricketing injustice had just occurred. Not a single other soul appealed, so it was proper weird.

 

There was just enought time for Matt to get his second Jags 50 of the season, before we cantered to the total with the best part of 3 overs to spare.

On any other evening there would have been several man of the match candidates. Skip got a 50, Kingsmill got two wickets, an amazing catch, and crucially extracted the top Stapleford batsman. Tonight there was no vote necessary. Tonight belonged to Morgan.

Piers came Back!

Jags 141/6 (Coslett 33*, Piers Morgan 25*, James Barker 25*, Humby 3-13) beat Dobblers 129/6 (Callum 27*, Mitchell 19) by 12 runs

Man of the Match - James Barker

We had a blast from the past tonight, Piers Morgan has recently returned from the US, having lived there for 6 years, and living within an hour of the game he was able to make a fixture. Piers is a founder member of the Jags, scoring 25* and bowling 4 good overs in the first ever game back in 2011. He was a stalwart for many years and won at least two player of the season rewards that I can recall. Despite living in the US for 6 years, his ability to be ace at all sports continued in its normal vein tonight.

 The number 1 film on the day the Jags first played a game with Piers - yep, we're getting old.

Matt won the toss, opted to bat and told his team that he would be switching stuff up this evening, with lots of new bowlers and a changed batting order. Top Bantz skip. Opponents were our friends the Dobblers in the pleasing environs of Queens and we get about our work with the not at all tried and tested partnership of Will and Liam. Early bowling was tasty, and it was hard to score. Will and Liam hit some mega 4's before both eventually falling caught. Will for a sprightly 12 and Liam for a more anaemic 8.

Cozzie and Ant shared the middle for a bit. Tom, fresh off a Golden Duck earlier in the previous week looked a bit sketchy to start, but eventually started to find his range. Ant was straight into the attack, hitting some lovely 4's and looking for all the world as though he was going to set a scoring rate record for the Jags. Such was the aggression on display, he popped one up and was caught. Jags were scoring and getting out at quite a rate. T Bennett at the heady heights of 5 joined Cozzie for a while - a long while. 10 balls in fact. 9 of them he played the same shot to - swing with a cross bat outside off and hope it connects. It didn't. He did score 2, which meant he wasn't the lowest scorer this evening. Eventually a giant miscommunication saw Tyler run out - with Cozzie surviving on his way to a 25 not out retirement. 

Piers then strolled out and it was like he had never left. No helmet. He didn't take a guard. No matter, he still hit the ball. An all action display, rolling back the years and biffing, one over cow, one behind square and a funny one to deep midwicket where there was a fielder waiting, who ran all over the place, back and forth and round and round and then threw a token hand out to pretend he wanted to catch it. He didn't. He really didn't. Ably supported by Tom, it was nice to see, with Tom retiring shortly after Piers had biffed a couple. A well timed knock from Cozzie.

I walked out at 7, knowing full well what was coming. Honestly, you could put me down at 12 at the moment and I'd still somehow managed to get out in stupid fashion, and probably injure myself in the process. It's either a slump, a rut or my last few steps towards playing retirement at this stage. I turned down an easy 3 for Piers. I hit two dots, a dubious single, then stuck around just long enough to see Piers hit a 6 to finish, say hello to James Barker, and was then bowled by a full straight one that I didn't really try and do anything with. I don't know how I have offended thee cricket gods, but I will make sacrifices in your honour. The only notable thing about my innings was I didn't face a ball for 3 overs in the middle - so it was at least nice to remind myself what the middle looks like for a bit.

James Barker was joined by James Horner in a Team James reunion. Barker was playing like an absolute tyro, free footed and swinging well, not a false shot I can recall, a lovely off drive, a club over square, and the champion strike rate of the evening. His 13 ball 25 was all the more impressive given that the bowling stayed high quality throughout the innings and that Jags looked a little light on runs before he decided to get busy. He retired not out, Horner hit a nice 4 to the funny corner hedge in the ground that James Horner seems to like hitting it to, and was then run out. I cannot recall how. 

Parrish popped out at 11, true to his word of changing the order, and Jags looked ok, but 20 more runs would be good. Cozzie returned to action, and stole the strike from Parrish. We all thought this might be a bad decision, but Cozzie hit two 4's and coupled with Matt's 11 off 5 balls - it puts us at a possibly defensible 141.

Tyler opened the bowling for the Jags, and had the batsman out LBW first ball. Except he didn't as it wasn't given. So he repeated the trick second ball - full straight and leaving the umpire no choice two balls in a row. Liam started the other end and both proved hard to get away. As the batsmen were struggling to score, a few chancy singles were had - and Will then produced the outstanding piece of fielding of the evening - the batsman pushed one down to mid off, called and ran to the danger end. Will - sensing the non-striker had failed to heed the call quickly, target the batting end stumps rather than the easier bowler's end, and castled a direct hit run out. The batsman was not amused with his batting partner, but honestly if he'd taken the call he would likely have made it.

Barker twirled for a couple of overs, followed by Horner and Will (the economist of the evening). Horner saw one caught, Coslett ran out another out when a suicidal run out beckoned as the asking rate climbed. One batsman then had to retire hurt, as he'd pulled something. P Morgan then twirled the arm. He was rustier bowling than batting, but was still solid, and managed to extract the remaining opener with a delightful top of off jobbie. Ant snarled into the attack for a bit before Matt removed the gloves and gave them to him and beckoned Fardell and Cozzie to give it a twirl before Matt had a go. Tom's over was eventful, going for 9. Mine was easily the worst over of this, or any evening. 3 no balls (two head height and one a double bounce) and a missed run out opportunity saw it go for 12. It was definitely better than my batting though, such it is the state of the nation at the moment. Tyler even decided to try and bait me mid over about how bad my bowling is - in a sure sign that he has not really mastered comic timing yet.

Ant did ok behind the stumps, a position which requires economy of movement, and Ant certainly has that. Matt bowled a couple of medium/spin overs which were actually perfectly respectable, before Tyler saw things off at the end with the Dobbs getting close, but not quite.

In a sign of how my personal cricket evenings are going despite everyone else having fun, the Dobblers actually stole my pizza at the pub, and with the kitchen closed, that was it for my evening. I will put it down to a misunderstanding over how generous I can be.

It's still very enjoyable, watching Piers in full flow, J Barker batting like a demon, seeing some of the variable bowling in our team, and another spiffing direct hit run out - it is a shame the cricket season is so short.

Blunt Force Trauma

Jags 84/9 (Parrish 47, Phillips 11, DJ 3-10) lost to Bluntisham 118/10 (Merry 38, Price 28, DJ 16, Phillips 4-8, Barker 26-3) by 34 Runs

Man of the Match - Matt Parrish

Honorable Mention to Graham Legend the Saffer for helping out

League cricket has meant we have to discover some new and interesting villages in the wilds of Cambridgeshire, and Bluntisham is a new one on me. Wikipedia tells me that there is evidence of Neolithic and Roman inhabitants having settled in Bluntisham, it featured in the Domesday Book from 1086 and at that time had a Church, a Priest and 16 households. It makes no mention of cricket, but I'm going that with 16 households and people having a lot of kids back then, they could probably have put out a reasonable team given how they played tonight.

Jags had 9 players, owing to us having two fixtures this week, Ant being in rainy Scotland and it being away at Bluntisham on a Monday. Bluntisham away on a Monday must be the Cambridge cricket equivalent of a Premier League Football fixture being played away at Stoke on a wintery January Day in a "what the cup is called this year" replay that literally no one cares about. 

Jags won the toss and opted to bowl (absolutely crazy). It was a funny start to proceedings as we couldn't find stumps, bails, or boundary markers. The pitch was, erm, well it wasn't as bad as Waterbeach - but it was so village.

Stumps = sticks: pitch = any piece of ground

I do enjoy the quintessential charms of cricket in all its forms, but sometimes I do wonder about some of these locales each week and how the locals derive genuine enjoyment from engaging in activity here.

Brett and Bennett opened and they faced an onslaught early on - with one batsman using 'economical' footwork and mad hand eye coordination to dispatch the ball to all corners. The other batsman didn't really settle and edged Brett behind high to Matt for an easy catch. Tyler was scalped for 2 4's and 2 6's in his first 2 overs, and took a breather. Brett conceded 4, 6 and 6 in his first two, but gamely continued. Horner came in to freshen things up, but it was more of the same as he was taken for 4, 6, 4 in his first 3 balls, we conceded a lot of runs in these 5 overs and not a lot were singles. Horner struck back, getting a dot, seeing a tough chance shelled on the deep square boundary by Bennett, before Fardell made his one and only contribution of this game, holding an easy chance at square leg.

Scoring did continue, but the pace dropped with the openers back in the hutch. Horner continued and bowled well, eventually snagging 2 wickets, the second being a top of off bowled. Things had definitely improved from his first 3 balls. Brett got taken apart a bit at the end, conceding 4, 4, 4 but partially down to some generous fielding on the boundary from either Mr C Barker, or Mr J Barker, allowing some dobblers to slip through. Barker then came into bowl and his Dad repeated the trick - letting one go through that likely should have been stopped (he actually ran past it), before James Barker got a wicket caught at backward point by our 10th man - Graham - who we met at the ground and who was heavily involved in proceedings throughout. He actually took three catches at backward point, making them all look very easy.

The Bluntisham skipper was in the middle for a bit showing off some play and misses and some boundaries - it seemed to very much be either or for him - before he too did the trick of clipping it back to point to the super-sub fielder. Barker continued, again definitely slightly faster than the previous week, maybe he's changed his diet or something, and I think he extracted a 3rd caught by Liam. It's hard to tell as this week we are back to having the scorebook be an absolute shower of shit for some reason. Wickets were falling gamely, and then the tail. Liam let a 4 through that I remember from Barker's bowing as well - our ground fielding was quite poor tonight - no doubt aided by the undulations of the outfield.

Phillips strolled into the attack with some lower order batsmen in his sights and bowled an irrepresible spell. His good balls got wickets. His bad balls got wickets. I think even his no balls would get wickets such as it was going for him on this evening. He bowled one early top of off. Another I think was a tight edge to the keeper. One was caught by Graham and the other by Tyler. Tyler came back to help support his best buddy Phillips at the other end, and bowled a maiden in the 17th over as well as taking the aforementioned catch for Phillips, who finished on 4-8 - yes you did read that right. He was typically modest and reserved about his achievement, as is his character.

Runs literally stopped for these last few overs. Over 16, 17 and 18 saw the score stay the same, and only 5 were added in the last 2. It was very much a tail, which seemed to include about 5 number 11's. One of them played for about 5 overs, keeping things out but not scoring a single run - and the scorebook just says "he faced lots of balls" - so there was humour in evidence on the sidelines, if not the ability to properly track and record cricket games. We restricted them to 118, which felt pretty achievable. 

I should again mention special praise for Mr Parrish's glovework, which was really quite something. 1 bye in the innings and that was down to the pitch. Standing up to pretty much everything and grabbing down legside like it's simples - how he does it, I will never know.

Parrish and Fardell opened and the first bowler was very good. Controlled outswing, good pace, and late movement. He felt every inch a good weekend cricketer and Matt was lucky to survive the first over to be honest. Matt scored from the other fella for a bit and gave me 5 balls against the opener. It is the job I have volunteered to do, but I scored a 4, and was then LBW - and it was so plum if it hadn't been given there would have been a riot in Bluntisham that would likely have lengthed the entry in their Wikipedia page (the Fardell Riot of 2022 anyone?).

Horner joined Parrish and the opener came off from the bowling having dispatched me - if only he knew how valueless my wicket actually is at the moment. Matt was finding his range, a lot of singles, and some boundaries - but it has to be said the fielding from Bluntisham was quite something, 4's being stopped routinely, delivery from the outfield with exocet precision, hunting in packs, a real masterclass. Horner hit a nice 4 before falling bowled to one that did something on the pitch. Dan Threadgold then strolled out and strolled right back in again, seeing his leg stump demolished by one that kept low and would likely have been dispatched had it bounced. Phillips joined Matt and kept scoring moving, lots of strike rotation, a couple of boundaries, and some good calling with both finding some range, but no generosity in the field.

We felt well in touch at this point for a few overs, but it also was very much down to whether Captain Parrish would be able to keep in play. He gave us one mega over rampage, taking 14 from it with some big hits, before he fell just shy of his 50, edged one to backward point, who needed 3 chances to hold onto it.

Phillips and J Barker partnered for a spell, although with Parrish back in the hutch after a masterful 47 in tough conditions, it felt like it might be a challenge. The opening bowler returned here and saw off Phillips with a lower shooter. This briefly brought father and son into a short lived Barker partnership - with Craig dispatched in short order by the opener to another ball that just didn't take off. Liam briefly kept James company before falling aerially. James Barker fell to a caught and bowled top edge push type thing with Jags well short heading into the last partnership. 

Tyler and Graham were left an impossible task, and briefly gave us mild hope (Graham had a South African accent so who knows what could happen), but Tyler was eventually bowled with the Jags 30 odd short. In truth, without a sparkling innings from Parrish, we were never in the game when chasing, so hats off to the skip for keeping it competitive. 

The drive back from Bluntisham was really long, I had to spend two hours doing emails that evening, and I left all the balls we have left for the season back at the ground. Joy.

The Team is Alright

Jags 162/9 (Parrish 30, Phillips 26*, J Barker 26*, J Horner 25*, Ben A 3-28) beat Sharks 145/4 (Ganysham 27*, Jeeva 25*, J Horner 2-26) by 17 runs

Man of the Match - Adam Phillips

Being a parent is a funny experience - you create actual life and watch it grow helpless and feeble, needing your continuous attention for its every need for months and years on end. It is both the most humbling of experience, and the most rewarding, but at times incredibly frustrating as you literally have to do everything for your child without really spending time on yourself. You sign up for it though, or most of us do deliberately, so you nurture and care for your creation without getting frustrated or impatient, knowing you have made a choice that cannot be undone. You have created something outside of yourself for which you will ever be responsible.

Then at some point, your child outgrows you, no longer has the need for continous attention, and probably pays nothing more than a passing interest in you and achieves more than you did when you were the sole source of reward and comfort. So you go from essential to redundant, as is the natral order of things.

This is how I think of the Jags - when I started it 11 years ago, it was 4/5 sort of cricketers and 4/5 volunteers coming along each week to get spanked. I had to do a lot of organising, a lot of batting and bowling (I know, hilarious), fielding, and without my continuous effort, it would have failed and collapsed in a heap. I used to celebrate losing by less than 30 runs and I remember taking a load of people out to the pub to get hammered when we first took 5 wickets in a game (it took a while, and we lost by a lot, but still).

Now, I am more or less redundant to the actual cricket part of the team - contributing mainly by organising. I can still offer a knock or a catch here or there, but it's an actual team, successful and reliable, supporting each other and when one player fails, others step up. It's quite nice really, just turning up knowing you may do something well this evening, or you may not, but your own contribution no longer matters in the way it once did. That's what a team is, when one fails, another steps up, when someone can't another does - and the tortuous parenting analogy above is definitely apt - since I think if I fucked off to South East Asia for a bit (which I did a few years ago), the team itself would actually continue all by itself, and likely do very well.

Onto the cricket. We won the toss and played Sharks at Kings. 

This was literally the hottest week there has ever been: which if you read the Guardian means we are all well and truly fucking fucked and will be living in huts on the side of volcanoes in 10 years time and is somehow something to do with Brexit; and if you read the Daily Mail it means, wahaay, get on the beach and enjoy those UV rays all you mathafackrs - unless you are a public sector worker in which case do your important work in non air-conditioned premises, do not expect a payrise or appreciation ever, and your government will sack lots of you soon to save costs. Political discourse is so polarised at the moment, middle ground is not a thing.

Scorchio!

The hot weather meant a fairly benign pitch, a fast outfield and runs for the taking. Parrish and Fardell started and Parrish was in "ebullient" form according to the opposition. He really was though, cracking a couple of 4's and a delightful six that hit the top of the sightscreen on the full. 

I scored 1 behind square before managing to lose my wicket in the most comical way I have personally managed for 3 seasons. A short pitched ball wide of leg stump sat up there for the taking. With absolultey no danger, I swung expecting an easy connection, and by somehow defying the laws of physics the ball grazed the bat, clipped my glove, turned 45 degrees towards the stumps in mid air and then turned 45 degrees down and hit middle stump. There wasn't a single celebration, and it took all my fortitude to just go "ah well" and take it in my stride as I walked off trying not to betray the inner turmoil that lead me to believe that the Gods of cricket were laughing from upon high. There ended my contribution to the evening.

Mr Craig Barker joined Mr Parrish for a bit and Parrish was on solid and scintillating form, retiring in double quick fashion pushing a couple of 2's and scoring at a mega clip to get us off to a super fast start. I've found this season that it's sometimes a shame when Mr Parrish gets off to such a flyer and we are playing a friendly, as with a league game he may well have cruised past 50 again without much ado. Craig was joined by Phillips and a change of bowling brought a more testing time period. Sharks knew they had to arrest the rate, and so they did. Phillips however was absolutely determined to not let the more challenging bowling impact things, and pushed 1's and 2's with aplomb, hitting some nice 4's and being able supported by Craig at the other end. I think that pushing the fielding team on 1's and 2's earns you a lot of runs towards a big total, and thus is it proved, I recall a nice 4 here or there from both, but mostly the scoring never ceased. 

Craig eventually fell to a caught and bowled for the ages, cracking a firm strike back over the bowling, who in turn leapt and single handedly plucked it from the air - for a definite and very solid candidate for champagne moment of the season. Hard lines, Craig - but a catch like that is fair enough. Brett joined proceedings for a bit and Phillips kept pushing the rate, Brett hit an absolute monster cow corner 6, somehow also with grace and poise, before holing out to short square next ball. Cozzie then strolled out and was the second unfortunate wicket of the evening, playing back to one that just shot off the deck and didn't really get up more than 6 inches from the ground, to trap him plum LBW.

Barker was out with Phillips for a bit before Phillips retired, having kept the scoring going, and done a thoroughly impressive job keeping us moving. Horner joined Barker and "Team James" both scored well throughout, with some wristy strokes and a Horner offside wallop that I can recall. Barker was almost out stumped, but appears to have got his leg back, with his father umpiring fastidiously at square leg.

Both retired after some very good play, Mr T Bennett strolled out at the lofty position of 9, scoring nicely before falling bowled to the normal opening bowler for Sharks. Mr Yaxley and the returning Mr Parrish were left to finish proceedings, there was a slight slowing of the rate at the death over stage, and Mr Parrish was caught out at long on hitting the last ball a little bit too well. 162. Nice.

Bennett and Brett opened the bowling, and Brett kept up his pitch for Chancellor in the next government, such was his economy rate. Both batsmen found it hard and Bennett removed one notable Sharks opener, using a combination from the previous week, B Benett, C Barker, mid on. He was a bit more wayward, conceding 4's either side of the wicket, than normal - and I would describe it as an eventful phase of the game - with Brett opening with a maiden over at the other end. The next Shark was very class with the blade, hitting a lovely straight drive and moving his feet well to push scoring along, eventually being out retired after the most cultured display of the evening. Marc at the other end was finding it hard, but honestly the bowling was very good with Brett in particular showing incredible control.

J Barker had a couple of overs, and seems to be getting quicker week on week. J Horner was again a demon in the field. Mr Mann turned up to cheer from the sidelines, freshly crocked but still there to support. James Barker found some good range and Sharks were well behind on the rate. Horner replaced Brett and extracted a wicket, played on. He then quickly bowled another having tied proceedings down somewhat, showing great depth to the Jags bowling lineup - all 5 of them. Yaxley swung into the attack but found himself facing two very strong Sharks batsmen, in particular Jeeva who is a beast when he gets going. Some ace fielding setting and stump work from Parrish kept it tight though, with runs not easy to score. Yaxley was walloped about briefly, but not disheartened found a lot of control on the back of some boundaries, and extracted a batsman with a brillant top of off jobbie.

Jeeva retired in fast fashion, showing his range throughout - Sharks were well off, but had stayed competitively close despite this - and the last batsmen did well to get them as close as they did. They fell 17 or 19 runs short depending on which match report you read - a good evening for the Jags with 4 retirees, some good fielding and wickets, and some incredible bowling control.

I spent the whole 20 overs running from deep square leg to deep square leg in an effort to contribute something to the evening, but offered no further contribution beyond the comedy dismissal. I then lost my wedding ring in the console of my car and had to rip all the plastic trim off to find it. 

I think we'll just call it a good day for the team.

When the Chips are Down

Jags 141-5 (Ant 36, Horner 35, Threadgold 25, Hasan 3-27) beat Qualcomm 117-10 (Kumar 43, Hasan 31, Bennett 3-24) by 24 runs.

Man of the Match - James Horner

Work, family, building works and the heatwave have all delayed my writing of this particular match report, which will inevitably have to be abbreviated as my memory has faded between the match and the writing of this. We also recently lost a fixture from our schedule owing to some bad luck with college grounds, so the Jags have been less busy the last fortnight.

Qualcomm our opponents for this evening are a famous chip designer and manufacturer, putting their silicon into a lot of mobile phones, tablets and laptops and the like. 

Not the sort of chips I tend to focus on

Queens again is always good fun with new opposition to boot. Owing to the aforementioned work commitments I missed the start of the game against Qualcomm, no matter, we normally have so much batting in our team that there is a queue of openers waiting to take my spot at the top of the order, and most of them are more capable, seeing as they take an actual guard and don't look like Shrek taking up cricket.

Me scaring the opposition bowlers

Anyway, cricket. Parrish and Ant opened and scored some runs. Matt, who is having a spot of bad luck lately hit a 4, before managing to use the bottom of his boot to deflect it onto his own stumps. That is an innovative way to get out, skip.

Ant and James Horner than came together and the things I remember were Ant cracking some excellent legside and long on stuff. James hitting a wonderful 6 into the hedge at Queens, the hedge that is the repository of most of the cricket balls in the world. Some excellent running, including Ant running 3, and actually pushing for it. Ant bending over, wheezing, us abusing him from the bench, and him saying, "I swallowed a fly". James smiting one to the offside with the disdain of a man swatting a fly. It was a top partnership, in all honesty.

James was the first to perish, and James is good at comedy when it comes to getting out. He tried a ramp shot and missed. So he tried a sweep and missed. So he tried a reverse sweep and was bowled. Dan strolled out and forced Ant to run even more - I swear Dan and Ant batting is like some evil combination of spin class and interval training in a film montage sequence. You can see the look of terror in Ant's eyes as Dan strolls out absolutely determined to get Ant fit by the end of the innings pushing non-existent singles, 2's and 3's.

Run Ant, you maggot!

The scoring continued at quite a clip, with Dan mullering one over square and Ant eventually falling caught to mid on ish - I'm still not sure if he chipped it up on purpose in order to end the continuous shuttle runs to be honest. Dan and Phillips shared a decent little run, before one of them fell - Dan's strike rate was mega tonight throughout. Dan got bowled by someone, James Barker went out to play, and Phillips was eventually bowled too. I briefly popped out for a cameo with James, hitting 7 from 3 of the last 4 balls of the innings - I was still on my work zoom call till pretty much putting my pads on. 141-5, it felt like a competitive total - although we'd likely have wanted 10 more - as Qualcomm did some good work limiting scoring in later overs and Hasan had a strong game with the ball.

Opening the bowling were Tyler and Brett, and they did a mad good job, limiting early scoring and each removing one of the openers with top of the stumps unplayable sort of stuff, Tyler top of off and Brett top of middle. Tyler continued in this vein, hostile and direct, and was talking about his 5/for within his first over. The agreed upon format was 15/8 ball overs and normally that means 3 per bowler, but we understood that as long as you had 5 bowlers, a bowler could do 4 overs. Tyler smelt blood, and saw two caught by James Barker at mid ish on - in both cases having tried to strangle the scoring. The youth team combo absolutely shredded the top order. Matt, standing up for most of the innings like the ninja keeper he is, definitely contributing by getting in their heads.

Liam, not to be outdone, was bowling like a demon, and he eventually got the one of the top 5 who had dared to try and hang on, bowled I recall by an in-swinger. Then with the change of bowlers to Kingsmill and Barker there came the first partnership of the Qualcomm innings. Hasan, the outstanding player on their side, was joined by Kumar and they set about forging a partnership, taking a bit of a shine to Barker and Kingsmill in the process.

Throughout this entire process though it must be said there was run really outstanding fielder in our midst. James Horner had an absolute stormer, point and in midwicket, he dived full stretch twice that I can remember to stop any runs, stopped at least one certain boundary that I can recall, and didn't make a single mistake. 

It was not, however, without controversy, which seems to be a running theme with our league games this year. The batsman who eventually got 43 runs and got Qualcomm close, was on about 4 when Barker bowled and he obviously edged it behind to the keeper. Not a small or faint edge, but a healthy nick. James, Matt, me, a few others, we all just celebrated, it wasn't even an appeal. The umpire was unmoved and the batsman just looked down at the ground refusing to make eye contact with anyone before in the next over admitting he'd nicked it. Goodness me we gave him some crap for the rest of his innings, not helped by him choosing to be their top scorer and the reason they got close.

In the end it got briefly tense, before Will extracted Hasan, caught inevitably by Horner - or Jonty as we should call him. The game ended with a flurry of run outs - Ant sorted one. The controversial batsman tried to pinch strike and then was popped out by Tyler and trudged off to lots and lots and lots of "cheerio", "thanks for coming", "top sportsmanship", "keep walking" and the like. It got a bit shirty over this to be honest, which is always a shame. Parrish finished things with a run out from the keeper's end, and that was that.

A word on My Bennett here, he was a close call for man of the match, but James Horner's runs, and incredibly athletic fielding just pipped it. 3-24 on any other day would be a certainty for the gong though, so apologies T - you can't get it every week. 

Also, a word on sportsmanship. It is critical to low level cricket, as with tight decisions it is very hard for anyone other than one or two players to know if they are out. It is disappointing to get out when batting, but not walking when you know you are out risks disrupting the good natured spirit of things and turning a game from an enjoyable pastime into a slightly tempestuous affair - as happened here. It is even more galling when, as happened to us the other week, a strong batsman isn't given out or doesn't walk when quite obviously they are out. 

I suspect I can speak for all the Jags when I say, if we are out and we know it, all of us would walk whatever our role or the game situation. If we grounded a catch, we would admit it. We'd all rather lose fairly, than win in unsporting fashion - and ay time we encounter this sort of uncivilised behaviour - we remember.

Life's a Beach

Jags 128/4 (Parrish 30, Barker 28*, Phillips 17*, Chandrasekhar 1-20) beat Waterbeach 116-6 (Bridger 26, Pradeep 24*, Yaxley 3-29) by 12 runs

Man of the Match - Parrish

A tense league game saw the Jags out come out on top at the end, with some great death bowling, good fielding and an ace team mentality resulting in a 3rd league win of the season.

League cricket requires us to venture away from the comfort of our normal college pitches. The Cambridge colleges spend rather a lot on their pristine grounds, and the groundsmen do a rather fantastic job all round, with gorgeously manicured outfields, nicely patterned squares and batting tracks that (mostly) play true, along witt cultured backdrops that are quintessentially English. 

One might be deceived into thinking that English Villages would be more of the same, such is the cliche of our green and pleasant lands. Do not fall into this trap, at least half the village pitches I've played at are awful. Outfield's with more craters than no man's land on day 4 of the Somme. "Squares" that are a combination of shapes, or not discernible at all. Crooked wickets and tracks that are not flat, nor true, with bounce in the entirely unpredicatable category. Some of them are downright dangerous.

This week, step forward Exhibit A - the Waterbeach Recreation Ground. It's never a good sign that an entire ground, square, tracks and all, is used for football in the winter and cricket in the summer. Before the game a patch of wild grass was noted next to the wicket, which apparently is being left to grow in order to protect a rare orchid. The other side there is a manhole cover very near the strip. The pavilion looks like it could be a backdrop for Call of Duty Warzone, doubling up as something from war torn Syria. Lots of random members of the public were also just aimlessly loitering about, in the batsmen's eyeline, or just randomly screaming things during the game.

It looked awful. I didn't need confirmation of this, but I am not moving to Waterbeach anytime soon.

The sign that welcomes you to Waterbeach Recreation Ground

Chatting to the local team using my fabled small talk skills before we began, I managed to get the following additional facts. 

1) Last summer a band of travelling gypsies set up camp on the cricket field for several months, leaving behind the usual devastation, and "it hasn't been quite the same since". 

2) Around this time the groundsman's shed had been broken into and all of his groundskeeping gear had been stolen and the "insurance had taken a while to get it sorted". 

3) The groundsman had been off for a few weeks ill, and had then gone on holiday, "I think it's been rolled this year, but I can't remember". 

Facts 1 and 2 seem likely to be related to the casual, sightly prejudiced, observer, although the police investigation was inconclusive.

I've spent rather a lot of time on the pitch so far because honestly it was the defining characteristic of this game.

Matt won the toss and opted to bat, putting Fardell in as number 2. The first few balls were quite friendly, if we're going to be completely honest - as the bowlers seemed terrified to use the strip itself and offered a few full tosses. Matt was into his stride, Fardell more cautious, but scoring started at a decent pace with 22 from the first 3 (8 ball) overs being a good return. Fardell was the first to be done by the pitch, a naff ball outside off that would normally be easy pickings, took off from the pitch in near vertical fashion towards my face - I should have pulled out of the shot, but didn't and offered an easy catch to backward point.

Ant had kindly joined us this week, a newish lady in tow, fresh from looking after his son. One of the first balls he faced, medium and pitched on a length, shot straight over his head. The next ball he faced in the same spot died and shot past the stumps. When the gents exchanged a single, a ball to Matt did exactly the same, just hitting the deck and shooting at ankle height past off. Utterly unplayable; nothing to do with the bowler. Matt continued scoring, quite impressive all things considered, and Ant found a few shots before he was run out pushing for a tight single. 

Phillips joined the fray, and scoring was all running at this point. Phillips never wears a helmet, he is very much not concerned with his looks, but he ended up taking one out simply to preserve his life. It didn't matter what the bowlers did, good or bad, any ball could do anything. Matt fell playing onto this own wicket, having scored at a good clip in trying conditions for one of the most hard earned 30's you will ever see. Kris was out and about for a bit, before a ball randomly climbed in his direction and he chipped off to a fielder. The only advantage to the awful pitch was it handed us rather a lot of extras - a couple of boundary wides were really quite worth a replay.

Barker then joined Phillips and honestly, they got us where we needed to be in a delightful partnership. There weren't many boundaries, but courtesy of Mr Phillips pushing James hard, there were a lot of 2's, including 4 consecutive 2's at one point. Barker was scoring nicely, and I won't call it chanceless, but they both scored well given circumstances. It was also funny seeing Barker wheezing quite a lot with all the springing - given his age, it made all the slightly less fit gentlemen in the team have a good old giggle.

There was time at the end for a hilarious misfield - where Waterbeach turned a dot ball into 4 runs by a combination of awfulness in the field that I can't quite describe in words. Cheers chaps. 

 The view from mid off

128-4 is normally a touch light, but on this pitch it felt absolutely ok, with a strip that was all but unplayable - showing Matt's 30 as the touch of class it was in a sea of tumult.

The classic opening bowling partnership of Brett and Bennett started up and boy was it good. Liam didn't get a wicket first over, but he did bowl an 8 ball maiden. Bennett was tight too - conceding few in the first over. Thus it continued. Waterbeach were simply not scoring at any pace to these 2, not least because the pitch was carrying on as it had, turning balls into bouncers, or shooters, or sending them off in random directions at will. The first wicket eventually came in Liam's 3rd over. Perhaps feeling the pressure, the batsmen set off for a tight single. Kris picked it up in the covers and scored a direction hit run out, laser sharp and perfectly launched in a very crickety fashion.

Scoring continued to prove very very slow, Brett and Bennett had really turned the screw - with Brett going for a frankly ridiculous 4 runs in total from 24 balls. Savage twirled in to the attack - and his lovely languid left arm action was well suited to the pitch. At 7 overs Waterbeach were 40 runs for 1 wicket, leaving a lot to do, and whilst our opening bowlers had gone wicketless, they had made it an incredibly difficult ask. One batsman tried to unfurl a few strikes, and succeeded in taking Savage on, and then Yaxley (who had replaced Bennett). Matt, sensing that the batsman had a favoured area set a more catching legside field and presicient as ever, the batsman pulled to backward square, straight down the throat of the waiting Fardell.

Kris came into the attack and quickly scored again, pinning one chap LBW. Yaxley, not to be outdone, bowled another with a great little ball, one of the few I would say that didn't really need any help from the pitch. Waterbeach were well behind the rate here, so their new chap just went at it from the start, hitting 4's and 6's with reckless abandon. Things got a bit tense, as a few overs pushed Waterbeach on and it looked to be closer at over 12 than it had been at over 10. Kris also conceded 2 wides to a ball that pitched in line with middle on a good length, and just randomly took off to head somewhere between fine leg and backward square.

Yaxley had time to get another, bowled in similar fashion to the first (the opener no less) to finish on 3-29 - which would have been MOTM numbers in many a game. Matt had done a sterling job behind the stumps, and had stood up a lot despite the conditions, keeping batsmen firmly crease bound.

Savage returned with Kris to be trusted with the last over. Phillips shelled a dolly from Savage and Bennett was incensed - asking Adam "dropping that - why are you even here?!". He doesn't have any friends, T, so this is the best he's gonna get. 

The disappointment was short lived - as the same batsman went big to long on-ish, and Tyler was there, settling under the catch to take it nonchalantly on the boundary edge - almost in a striking riposte to the Phillips' error. Kris bowled masterfully in the last over, death bowling extraordinaire - to get the Jags over the line - notable for its complete control and my complete lack of anything to say as a result. Every ball a peach.

Afterwards the Jags retired to the Bridge for some light refreshments, well those of us who go to pubs after the game, and we all decided that the strip should be an honorary Jag, such was the influence on proceedings.

I am never ever playing in this filth-hole again.