Bidwells Biff the Jags

Jags 133-6 (Threadgold 26*, Parrish 25*, Fardell 23, Coles 2-13) Lost to Bidwells 134-5 (Colesy 27*, Scott 26*, Jack 25*, Banks 25*, Will 2-6) by 5 wickets

This week saw us switch grounds to the lovely King and Selwyn to play Bidwells. Bidwells are a team that the Jags used to play, and lose to, most seasons, and after a hiatus we desired a return to the old familiar pattern. Pre-match "banter" was centered around the address of the ground. I wouldn't describe it as humourous. At all. The fact this qualifies as chat at all in 2021 demonstrates how low social standards have slipped during these extended and dark periods of isolation we've all suffered through COVID.

 

This is the address. Saying it over and over again does not qualify as acceptable chatter.

There was a monumental disaster before the game, with our hirusute Geordie, Cob, ruling himself out of proceedings owing to a hangover from watching England play Denmark in the football. Cob is very hardy, so he must have literally drunk all of the drinks.

How I imagine Cob's flat looked at about midday

 

Jags won the toss and Parrish and Fardell started proceedings. It was a tricky opening spell to start, partially as it was full on raining when we went out to bat. I had water droplets hanging from the visor of my extremely new helmet for most of my innings (having recently bought an entirely new load of kit in order, as I think my old kit is tainted or something). Parrish was off in the runs in typically rumbunctious style, flaying a few threes and fours for good measure. It hit a boundary from a rubbish half track pie - it's a 4 in the book so I'll take it. 

Energetic running between the wickets and good calling kept the scoreboard ticking over. Exactly what rate, I couldn't precisely tell you, as Ant was doing the scorebook, and in typical laid back style, he did bits of it, but not all of it. Matt retired without too much ado, he's on a mega streak for the Jags - 224 runs and out once... 

 

Barker kept me company for a bit and then a hilarious period of play that saw my demise. I gentle paddled a ball to the square boundary that somehow went for 6. I was called back to the pavilion as they had deemed I had reached 25 and it was time for retirement. My first of the season, hurrah. I got about half way back to the pavilion when I was sent back bat - as Ant's languid scoring approach meant I probably hadn't got 25. So I stroll back in, honestly angry as fuck that Ant and Phillips didn't manage to get a GCSE in maths between them. The immediate next ball was a full toss that hit me in the, "Gentlemanly Region". It took me quite some time to recover from this. Everyone laughed (as indeed would I), but my goodness it hurt, and hasn't been the correct colour since.Tommy H at umpire then mentioned he was thinking of giving me LBW for ball breaking delivery - but there hadn't been an appeal. All round bantz.

Barker hit an absolutely cracking 4 through the offside region, and we did some scurrying to keep the total ticking along, before I ran myself out pushing James for a non-existent single. I was at least grateful that I didn't run him out. Dan joined James for a bit and the score was 72-1-10 at this point. A really nice platform for a 150 plus total. Dan and James kept things moving mainly in singles at this point, before a not-so-well-judged second run - which for the record I think was there for the taking, saw Dan send James back - with no hope of him actually getting back.

Ant strolled out to join Dan and we then hit that fallow late afternoon period of day 3 of the test match. Ant and Dan put on a nice display of blocking and not running for about 4 overs, which saw 14 runs scored in just under 5 overs. Ant was eventually bowled, a rather tasty ball from Mr Brown of Histon 1st XI fame, and Cozzy joined proceedings. Dan and Cozzy stepped things up here, Dan hitting a couple of lovely 4's down the ground and Cozzy hitting some lovely fours to the square leg boundary. Threadgold retired with this late flurry of biffing, an innings of two halves, it must be said.

Hopper was out for a bit, not many balls to go so had to swing a bit, got a few runs and was bowled pretty quickly. Phillips did a similar trick, out for a bit and then bowled quickly. James' Dad had kindly volunteered to replace Cob after a mix up in his own scheduled game. He also didn't manage to trouble the scorers and the Jags innings was in danger of finishing with a whimper, before Cozzy and Will got us home with some late late runs - Will hitting a lovely 2 and then an absolutely gorgeous 6 over wide long on. 133 felt short of par this week, particularly as it had stopped raining and Bidwells had lots of chaps who looked like they knew which end of the bat to hold.

 

It was either a case of take wickets, or keep the scoring low. We went with the latter. Will and Tyler opening the bowling. Will began with a maiden and Tyler was bowling some lovely tight lines, making scoring really quite difficult. Tyler only went for 4 an over in his 4 over spell, which is quite something in this evening 20/20 games. Will bowled one in his second over with a jaffa, and the other was run out by a phenomenal piece of fielding from Mr Threadgold, picking up at mid off, taking aim and direct hit splattering the stumps. Skipper, Parrish, taking duties behind the stumps.

 

Will stepped out of the attack, ready to return later on, and Phillips came in. At this point Bidwells had scored about 30 odd runs from almost 8 overs and were being strangled by good bowling, and generally decent fielding. The wheels were soon to come off the bus though. Phillips did a bit of bowling, insisting to all who would listen that his variation in balls was not absolutely random, but very deliberate and controlled. He was spanked about a bit for a few 4's, mainly from his shorter balls and was a touch on the pricey side, it must be said. Hopper joined him at the other end, and was given a bit of the long handle treatment as well, as both Bidwells batsmen found their stride.

 

At 10 overs, they had put on 55, and it felt like the game was in the balance. Unfortunately, this was the point at which we all decided to forget how to field. Some loose pickups in the field, a terrible throw from yours truly, and not enough pressure on the singles, allowed Bidwells to accelerate the scoring quite spectacularly at this point. One rocket went towards Ant at short mid off, catchable, but it would have been a good catch. Ant was clearly worried about the expensive dental work that would have followed had he been hit in the globe, so pulled himself completely out of the way.

Two retirees came and went, runs flowed and the next two were into their stride quickly. Ant came in to bowl and produced an absolute joyous yorker with one that was only just kept out by the bat. Hopper got a nicely bowled one with his third over. One of the two batsmen retired bringing in a bit of a bunny to the crease. Ant thought about bowling outside off to keep him in and give us a chance... but he also thought about his average, and decided to take the top of off instead.

Will and Dan were then in tandem, with 5 overs to go 103 runs on the board. Will did a similar thing to Ant, looking at a bunny, he tried to bowl outside off, but was just too straight, and castled him. At the other end, things got very bad in a hurry - as the Bidwells skipper looked at Dan running in to bowl and decided that it was walloping time, hitting him for 2,4, dot, 4, and finishing with a monster 6 over long off.

At the end it was left to one seasoned Bidwells battler, Walter to partner a less experienced colleague in a not-as-tense-as-it-looked chase, with Bidwells home and hosed with 2 overs to spare.

I've not put too much detailed commentary in here, but our fielding was pretty shambolic for periods of this game. Ah well, onwards and upwards. Ensors up next.

Postscript - It turns out that Bidwells actually fielded with 12 players for their entire innings without anyone noticing. So, technically, we could call this a win - were we a petty bunch.

Done and Dusted - Deloitte Fall at Queens

 Jags 131-6 (Brolia 28*, Hopper 28*, Parrish 27*, Clarke 2-22) beat Deloitte 123-7 (Baker 17*, Walker 15*, Doyle 15, Tyler 2-13, Philips 2-22) by 8 runs

Spoiler alert, we didn't draw this one. 

The Jags have been playing Deloitte since our first season in 2011. Jagex - our alma mater, used to use Deloitte as one of our accounting firms, so they treated us to a lovely game of cricket once a year, some M and S sandwiches and snacks and the occasional adult beverage. It has always been a fun fixture, and this one was played at Queens. 

I love Queens - it's just such a wonderful place to play cricket, just walking to the side of the pitch feels like we're digging for victory during the Blitz and seeing off Jerry at the same time.

You had me at M and S club sandwich

Jags won the toss (well fucking done, skip) and decided to bat first. Parrish and and Barker started things going. It was another week of contrasting opening bowlers, with one medium and accurate and the other left arm over loopy and slow. More on this anon. Both were quickly into their strides, with Parrish hitting a couple of lovely on side drive/pull shots. Barker managed to take one opener on early, hitting him straight back over his head to both sides for some nice scoring shots. Jags started, as we do, quickly and with purpose.

Barker looked well set, but was deceived by a slower ball and chipped it high into the air, where it was well snaffled. Fardell strolled to the crease, watched a wide past his leg stump then was pinned LBW to the slowest most depressing and un-threatening ball I think I've ever got out to (left arm loopy and slow). The less said the better. Hopper had been elevated to the lofty heights of 4 and quickly joined Matt in keeping the scoreboard ticking over. Deloitte had plenty of bowling, various in types, but pretty consistently good it must be said. 

Parrish almost fell to backward square hoicking high, but the fielder quite clearly did not fancy it at all and let it fall to ground. Hopper, fresh from his run out last week, decided that vocal communication with his batting partner was the order of the day. Parrish retired - did you ever doubt I would be saying that - and Hopper was extremely briefly partnered by Coslett. Coslett sadly hit his own stumps and had to stroll off. The less said of this the better. 

Brolia and Hopper then set about it. I recall some good running from Hopper, some good shot making from Ant to the leg side, and a nice partnership feel to proceedings. It was a crucial phase as, after a good start, the Jags had lost a couple of wickets in short order and slowed a bit, so pushing on was really important to set a good total. Ant hit one checked drive that I quite liked, and Hopper finished with 2,6,4 - absolutely spanking the leather from one to make absolutely sure he retired. 

Cob joined proceedings briefly. He looked as hungover as a man could look. His first shot, a sweep.... missed the ball and he was bowled. The less said about this the better. Phillips hustled for a bit, Ant retired from a well crafted innings, and then Will walked in - absolutely spanked one to deep square leg, and was caught. 4 lovely ducks in this innings, Jags. A few batsmen have some questions to answer. Also, Will always seems to get out hitting a glorious massive shot that is somehow magnetically attracted to a fielder deep on the boundary.

Sap kept Phillips company for a bit - but Phillips then did the wrong thing, he hit an on drive really well to long on. The fielder caught it nicely and was then heard to exclaim to his assembled team mates, "that's my first ever catch in cricket". Phillips, you managed to pop someone's cherry... you dirty dog.

Sap was joined by Tyler for the last few overs, and they both did really well. Strong bowling was on display, but good running, nice shot placement, and a gorgeous drive from Tyler helped us get to a a modest but defendable 131.

Jags had three options for keeper tonight. Cob was too hungover to do it. Phillips is just so so so annoying behind the stumps. So Parrish took the gloves, prepping for his game at the weekend for the 2's. Yeah, whatever skip.

The Jags bowling started well, Will was his normal high and mighty self from one end, but Tyler was really on it tonight. His first over only went for two, and his constant energy and pressure paid off well. The second over was really quite a doozy, venom and aggression on full display and it got the wicket it deserved, a batsman trying to release the shackles hoicked it high into the air. Sap settled and held on really well. Nice early breakthrough. 

Will somehow went wicket-less through this period, but his bowling was mostly very good, with the occasional piece of rank filth thrown in for good measure. Fielding quality was also very high tonight. Tyler carried on with direct aggression and was further rewarded with one of the two best wickets tonight, bowled with an absolutely gorgeous full length yorker, full of intent, absolutely destroying off stump.

Then we had a moment to savour for the ages. Will bowled, the batsman hit it to mid on, and Barker mis-fielded. Ant ran... no fuck that... he sprinted, to cover for his team mate. Like quickly and stuff. It was like, what... who the fuck are you dude?!

Deloitte were really struggling to score here: the bowling was good, the fielding was good (including Ant), and some of the banter was ok. It was a rare evening for the Jags. 

Will and Tyler had to step out of the attack as they had bowled the allotted amount. Ant stepped in and his bowling was, erm... the first over was crap. Only some generous umpiring meant he went for 6 in the book. Sap bowled nicely for an opening spell, seeing one caught taking him on. At the other end Ant tightened his lines second over and a full dipping fast yorker saw off one batsman. It was really quite a ball; I have no idea how you play a ball like that.

Jags were well ahead here, so we had the fun times. Phillips in to bowl. He is normally a keeper; something of a loudmouth. His bowling was actually pretty solid. He bowled 5 decent balls in his first over, but he got a wicket with the 6th, and oh my god it was absolute filth. Half track, if that, no bounce, batsmen tried to score and Will took it nicely. We all still think he's a plonker though, and it was a wicket not to celebrate.

Sap had bowled well, and got another wicket with an edged behind, well taken by the skipper, and I must say generously conceded by the batsman. The other things to note at this point were some fine fielding, some good banter (one batsman had squeaky pads and WD40 suddenly became funny chat), and some brilliant boundary riding by Tyler, who has an arm on him, mark my words. Most of the banter was directed at Phillips though, including some by himself to himself.

Barker came in to take over from Sap, and bowled some nice lines. Tommy Hopper didn't field everything perfectly, but mostly otherwise, this was nice and solid. I managed to Matrix swerve some balls hit at me in the interests of saving my good looks, but it didn't matter at this point as Deloitte were well short coming to the final over.

A nice game, pleasant evening, too many ducks, but some cracking bowling and fielding from Tyler, some excellent batting from Matt, Tommy and Ant and a, dare I say, disciplined performance, saw us home.

Pub attendance was Jags only, although we were luckily joined by the irrepressible Steve Mann.

Ant is busy...

Dobbler Wobbler - Jags Draw at the Death

Jags 133-6 (Parrish 28*, J Barker 25*, Anderson-Watt 25*, Brolia 14, Fish 3-15) DREW with Dobblers 133-6 (Threadgold 38*, Fish 20, Tyler 3-24, Will 2-13)

Jags had a very enjoyable fixture last year against a team from the Dobblers Inn last year at Histon, so this year we thought we'd do it all again at the Queens and Robinson College Ground. 

I looked up the word "Dobbler" and it apparently is a slang term for a "person with low standards who lacks motivation" or for someone who "consumes other people's food and drink". This feels like exactly the sort of team we should be playing.

 They do Ales, Pies and they are of low standards....

Jags lost the toss and Dobblers decided to bat first. We had to use one of the less glorious tracks this week, one which, in Ant's words, "looked like it had already been played on today". The Queens Groundsman does a very fine job, I just think Ant has high standards.

The opening bowling pair of Brett and Will (who went down as Bill in the scorebook) were very tight and extremely hard to score from. Liam was economic and bowled some good lines, with stand in keeper Phillips doing well behind the stumps. One of the batsmen, a South African sounding chap, asked each bowler what they were going to bowl. Liam did the silent assassin dot ball thing. Will responded by hitting the same batsman's bat, pad and stumps with his first ball. The new Dobbler then strolled gingerly to the crease, and tried to defend the first, but disaster for him, it dropped, rolled and dislodged the bail. 8 balls into the innings and we're on a hat-trick. Parrish obliged by setting up 6 slips or so, but the new batsman survived the pressure ball.

The next batsmen hit some nice flowing 4's, and starting things moving. The other Dobblers batsman (Fish) dug in like an Alabama Tick (name that film), determined to play in all 40 overs of this 20/20 game. Tyler stepped into the attack with his skiddy pace on a well worn track and he carefully followed the instructions of his skipper at mid off, as he beat the bat repeatedly, and then forced the batsman to hit one skyward to the skipper - who took an easy catch. 

Will contined at the other end for a bit and then a small disaster. Phillips went down to his left trying to grab one and really mildly dinged his shoulder in a slight and fairly innocuous fashion. He was insistent it was more of a season ending injury that required immediate medical assistance. We told him to get up or we would replace him with a bucket.

How Phillips reacted to his brush with mortality.

Lee from Dobblers joined proceedings for a bit, Lee is well known to and liked by all the Histon crowd and the other opening batsman for the Dobblers was still there. Lee hit a quite impossible 4, somehow under-edging it over the stumps using his handle and then watching it slowly, ever so slowly, trickle to the boundary, ever confident that it would make it. The fielding was generally pretty good, the odd misfield aside from Zak and Tommy Hopper clearly wilting under the pressure of being hailed as the best fielder to ever play cricket ever, since he seems to have forgotten how to throw straight. The adulation had really gone to his head.

Lee perished in exactly the same fashion as a previous wicket, Tyler bowling well, beat the bat, then induced the skied chance to the... you guessed it... skipper at mid off. Scoring continued at a measured pace before the the magic happened. Pushing hard on the runs, the batsmen came back for a two that would normally be well judged. However, Sap had other ideas. He chased one down at third man, turned and threw a full on 30 yard direct hit to catch the batsman short. It was genuine crickety stuff. I wish I had my camera.

In strolled Threadgold, generously given to the Dobblers to make it an even contest. Dan and the opener really pushed scoring along at this point, with Tyler, Sap, Barker and Hopper bowling good lines, but struggling to slow the rate.

Phillips mentioned that his shoulder wasn't in good shape. Dan was scoring really well at this point, a variety of orthodox and not so orthodox shots, probably playing his most fluent innings of the season, sadly for the Dobblers rather than the Jags. A couple of back foot fours really caught the eye.

Tyler managed to get the opener with another good spell, seeing him caught after the skipper had shelled a chance earlier in the over. Parrish brought himself on to bowl - a clear sign that ideas had most certainly been run out of. Dan continued in this vein and he was having so much fun, he forgot to retire at 25. Tyler, Will and Liam had been the pick of the bowlers, and how Liam did not get a wicket, I will never know.

Phillips reminded us at this point that his shoulder really needed some serious medical attention.

The death over was handed to Ant - who bowled with typical aggression and verve to keep the score to a modest but chasable 133-6.

The first 10 overs or so of the Jags chase were an absolute stroll to the total. It never looked even vaguely in doubt, and several Jags were already ordering pizzas from the Red Bull in Newnham come the halfway stage. Parrish and Barker opened, and were treated very differently. Parrish was given some slow straight bowling, which he duly dispatched for a 6 and two 4's in the first over. Barker was given a much more testing time, trying to repel the other opener who was fast and full and clearly talented. After Matt had dispatched the opener for the aforementioned 6 and two 4's, the Dobbler's skipper decided to put the same bowler back on for the 3rd over. Matt couldn't believe his luck and hit another 6 and 2 4's to retire off about 9 balls. Both 6's were absolutely marmaladed over long on with a minimum of fuss, clipping the ISS on their way down.

Barker and Anderson-Watt then kept the scoring moving, respecting the good balls and dispatching the bad, leaving the Jags cantering home at 64-0 from 8. Barker duly retired, although had endured a difficult spell against one of the openers, but weathered it well, showing some good shots on the on side in particular. Zak and Ant continued for a period, with both scoring nicely, Zak hitting a sublime checked on drive that I recall and Ant sweeping a beautiful shot off his pads to square. Zak retiring brought Fardell to the crease. I didn't face a ball for just over 3 overs, but again, Jags were scoring, 91 or so without loss at 11 overs. Easy peasy... right?!

Then disaster hit. Ant put one high and deep the square to see himself caught, and Sap and I hung around briefly, before I was pinned LBW to a bit of a shooter around the 15th over, when we were about 116-3 with 4 overs left. The opening batsman for the Dobs, Fish, also turned out to be quite a handy bowler and we quite literally stopped scoring. Sap and Hopper put a brief low scoring partnership together before Sap called Hopper loudly through for a second, but didn't move. He literally screamed "2" and then stood there, hands on hips, like a Victorian Teasmaid, watching Hopper scramble to try and get back to no avail.

The Dobbler's tails were up at this point - seeing 4 overs and 16 runs not as a done deal, but a match winning opportunity. They crowded the square, and stopped Sap and Tyler scoring at all.

How it looked

Sap eventually fell caught and scoring was hard, with Tyler struggling to get it away, and joined by Phillips. Tyler fell, bowled, and Will and Phillips were there to try and bring it home with (and apologies but the scorebook is badly filled out, again - what is wrong with people - scorebooks are sacred!) about 9 needed from 10 balls. Then 9 needed from 9 balls. Then 9 needed from 8 balls. Will hit a nice 2. 7 were needed from the last over.

Phillips at this point pointed at his shoulder and asked for some ice and a massage.

Phillips hit a single first ball of the last over. Will missed one. Then Will hit a beautful shot, straight down the throat of long on. Brett joined the fray at the non-striker's end. Phillips hit a lovely 2 to the off side, and the equation was 4 needed from 2 balls. A weird thing then happened, with a likely 2 on the cards, Liam chose to slow down and jog a single to face the last ball, when pushing for 2 would have been the better thing. 3 needed to win from the last ball, but only 2 were run - resulting in a draw.

Phillips hobbled off to tell people he was going to A and E to get some serious attention, and he'd lost feeling in his fingers. Oh how we laughed.

We fucking drew. That's insane. I've not seen this happen ever. 

Briefly at the sidelines some people pushed for a super over in the fading light, mainly as Matt P want's to add to his average and perhaps thought the Dobbler's skipper would bring the opening bowler back for the death over. A draw was the thing that this game deserved though.

This was a fixture that had all the wondrous happiness that midweek cricket can bring. Two teams full of characters, out for a good time. Pretty competitive without anyone being an absolute twat about it. A lovely ground. Excellent attendance at the pub afterwards and some champagne moments (Sap's run out or Matt's 6's I feel merit a mention, but the Fish performance with the ball was top drawer too). 

In short, games like this are why we like it so much. Attendance at the Red Bull was excellent from both teams, there was lots of What's App banter afterwards, and lots of happy faces. The world really needs a whole lot more of this type of thing, now more than ever.

Jags fail to scale the heights, as Sumit does the damage for Sharks

 Jags (107-10, Parrish 28*, Fardell 21, Sumit 4-16, Brown 3-24) lost to Sharks (111-1, Jeeva 26*, Brown 25*, Rammers 21*, Brett 1-31) by 9 wickets

We've had many a close and exciting game over the years versus the Sharks. In our early history they generally clubbed us, but graciously I must say. In our recent history they have been close and well fought games. We beat them twice last year in the ridiculously shortened summer we had owing to the pandemic. They clearly wanted revenge. They most definitely got it. This was a paddlin'.

It started so well. Parrish and Fardell opened the batting for Jags on a return to the lovely Queens and Robinson College ground, having won the toss. Sharks opened with the contrasting pair of Matt L and Manny. One fast and straight and aggressive, and the other was Manny. A few freebies in the first couple of overs settled nerves early, saw the Jags race to 50 odd from 4 overs. A hook, a pull for an all run 4 (it was a long boundary one side), and some Parrish biffing is what I remember most, including a sumptuous skip and wallop from Matt for 6 to long on. Good start, good rate, we're on it chaps.

Parrish retired in his usual fashion, bringing Barker to the crease. Matt L found his lines, and he and I had a little bit of a battle for a bit. I say battle, he won hands down, and it was a cricketing miracle that I didn't get out to him. I even played out a maiden including 4 played and missed and 2 actual intentional defensive shots. It was rather good fun. The rate was good, so we were ok though.

Then Sumit came to the bowling attack and boy did he change things. I holed out to him on 21 to mid off, Ant then strolled in and cut him to point for a first ball shiny one, and Phillips survived the hat-trick ball only to be bowled next one. He's a dangerous fella, that Sumit. 

I also cannot remember a single fielding error. It was like the Sharks had taken PCP before the game and watched The Meg together for motivation. If you haven't seen it, great film. Watch it now. Jason Statham, what a lad.

Brett and Barker stayed together for a bit before Barker perished to the left arm round the wicket in front of the umpire bowling that Brown does, probably just to be different. Barker was caught off his bowling and Jags were struggling to score at all at this point. Brett was bowled and Venkat and Hopper had a nice little spell. Venkat absolutely spanked the leather off one to long on for 6, which was a surprise to me as I had been told he was a bowler.

Both fell shortly thereafter, Hopper caught brilliantly at long on trying to push on, and Venkat was bowled by Brown. Cob and Sap hung around for a bit, cob given out LBW (sorry, Cob), and Sap also caught brilliantly at slip. Skip came back in with Tyler at the end, and they pushed us to 107, but that is a low total on a nice pitch. Defending it would be hard.

So we didn't.

I thought this was actually a great Jags fielding performance overall, good bowling, mostly excellent fielding, but Sharks got the chase just right. Jeeva and Zak played it really well to start, pushing hard for the runs and finding ways to score. Brett and Venkat were bowling good lines, the scoring was steady rather than spectacular, but really well paced.

Liam got the single wicket of the evening, getting Zak out trying to push the pace. There were some notable fielding contributions from Mr Parrish, Tyler and Sap. Sharks carried on scoring at a clip with Jeeva soon retired, he hit some lovely deft strokes tonight, as he often does, One late cut will sit in the memory for a while. Brown was in and Jags started to slow the scoring with Hopper and Brolia proving difficult to score from. The result was really not in doubt, but it was nice that we kept going at it like the professional outfit that we pretend to be.

And let me stop for a moment to talk about two things unrelated to the Sharks procession to victory. 

Firstly, Tommy Hopper, on his Jags debut no less. 3 great overs, but oh my goodness his fielding is different class. He makes balls look catchable that no one else would get near, and his throwing, it's like a missile honing in to destroy something strategic and important.

The other topic I would like to share here is the umpiring. I want to emphasise, this is not sour grapes, it had no impact on the result, and there is no suggestion there was anything malicious here at all. We are reliant on the judgment and good grace of fellow players to adjudicate on the finer points of cricket, everyone does there best, and umpiring is really hard. Still... a couple of the wides were hilarious. One Sharks umpire, I'm going to call him Manny because this is sort of his name, gave a wide for one that passed about 3 feet over middle stump. His own fellow umpire at square leg asked if he was sure it was wide, it was that sort of decision. There was another that, almost hit off stump (like as close as this), but was also adjudged to be wide which sent smiles around the team. We're not winning tonight, so let's enjoy what we can.

That's a wide.

I am sure the Sharks would have similar commentary - I didn't give an LBW that was very close off Brown's bowling. I am as certain as a man can be that it wasn't an LBW, but I am not a professional umpire and we do not have cameras at the ground.

The Sharks carried on. Brown got and Rammers got them there with the minimum of fuss off 17 overs. Tyler and Sap both had good spells, but it wasn't to be tonight. There was a dropped edge of Brown, but it made no difference.

Well played, Sharks. I think think people retired to the Red Bull for pizza, but I had some parenting to do, so skedaddled early. Next week, Dobblers.

Jags Play Histon Again

Jags 162-3 (J Barker 27*, Parrish 25*, Coslett 25*, Phillips 25*, Adrian 2-9) beat Histon 118-5 (Anderson-Watt 26*, Brolia 25*, F Christie 19, Brett 2-15) by 42 runs

We had fun last week, so much fun in fact that we decided to do it all again. This week was originally a designated training week. We were going to climb steps, lift weights and do manly things together as a team to ensure we were in tip top shape to face Sharks next week.

It might have looked like this. 

No, I jest, most of us were just going to resist the urge to supersize our Mcdonald's. We have some athletes in our team, but we only let them play for us as they are good at cricket, and we sneer at them for taking things like diet and exercise seriously.

This week we managed to get another game on of a friendly nature against the lovely Histon, but including some of the Jags (several of whom the longtime dedicated followers of this blog will know are also Histon regulars). The fixture was fun last week and we were upgraded to the first team pitch this week. It's not Lord's but it is very nice. We were also delighted to welcome back some players from last season, Mr Zak Anderson-Watt and Mr Harry the Wildman, to rejoin the fray.

The square looked nice but the wicket had a distinctly green tinge to it. The strip was also almost literally within spitting distance of one of the boundaries.

 The green green grass of home

Jags won the toss and opted to bat, Matt and Mark started as they often do, at a decent clip, with Ant and Harry opening the bowling for Histon. Ant had been all fired up pre game and so it proved, bowling really fast, but somewhat wayward, making work for Mr Threadgold behind the stumps somewhat challenging. Matt hit an early 6 to the boundary that was about 5 bat lengths away, and Harry was quickly into his stride despite having been off cricket all winter, one loosener aside (everyone gets, one, right?!). Brisk scoring get us to 40 odd off 4, with a couple of nice strokes, before I fenced one from Ant into my own face. Thankfully my classical good looks were not negatively impacted. Shortly thereafter, I was out LBW to Harry - who definitely deserved a wicket for a good spell, but I was sad it had to be me, especially to a ball that almost hit my hip.

Recently acquired Jag James Barker popped to the crease and formed a partnership with Parrish. The Jags were accumulating runs at a good pace for this period, but it was mostly Mr Extras who was doing the hard work. Parrish was out there for more than 10 overs, which is the longest innings anyone can remember him playing in midweek cricket. James Barker was hanging around, although Harry managed to extract a few scares of the LBW variety to him. Clearly he is a specialist, although the umpire was quite clearly not inclined to give two LBWs in the same innings.

That's out, according to our quality standard of umpiring.

Matt retired, eventually, and Barker was joined by Phillips. Both scored at a nice clip, and the innings took on a nice pace at this point with exciting cricket shots being played to all corners of the ground. Phillips hit the pick of them, I feel, with a smite to long on for 6. After the opening bowlers, there was a lot of spin bowling on display from Histon, which was most gracious of them given that the wicket was a verdant and lush green. This allowed both James and Phillips to retire, bringing Cozzy and Liam to the crease.

It was lovely to welcome 2013 Liam back to the batting proceedings, the technically correct, but ruthless batsman who has been somewhat absent since that golden and happy year. 4, 1, 6, 4 and all beautifully struck shots they were. Cozzy, meanwhile, survived a testing opening to then put on a good display of 4's, including my personal favourite Cozzy special - where he looks at the slower ball, prances to the offside to make room, and then hits it with grace and poise to the backward square/fine leg boundary. He never looks aggressive when he hits these shots.

Histon brought Adrian into the mix and his bowling, slow, direct, and accurate. Liam fell, Will came and perished too and Cozzy saw out the innings with a successful last few overs, keen running from Tyler in support, a direct hit 5 overthrow, and some good scoring to propel Jagex to a very strong total of 162-3.

Histon started with the technical proficiency of Messrs J Mellish and F Christie. Both played many sumptuous and elegant shots in the first two overs, although very few of these shots caused the scorers to need to utilise any pencil lead. Tyler and Sap started for the Jags, and it was contrasting as a result at both ends, but contrasting in a lovely economic dot ball sort of way. Tyler was all vim and vigour, aggression and assertion, his fast low skiddy balls almost forcing the batsmen to play proper shots to spare their skins. Sap has a more languid, and less energetic, but no less ruthless style - bowling a tight and tricky spell. So it continued for 7 overs, tight bowling, lovely shots, not much in the way of scoring. If this was a test match, and we were deep in day 2, you would think the batsmen would be well primed for the morning session tomorrow to push on.

I'd like to take a moment to offer a special word for our Geordie Warrior. Cob was really top drawer tonight behind the stumps. In 20/20 sometimes the wicket keeper doesn't touch the ball ages because everything is hit somewhere, but tonight was not that night. He was required to be tidy and consistent - and he was comfortably both, plucking one handed, moving nicely and only endured one instance of byes all evening.

Things continued at this sedate county level pace for some time. I feel the Jags bowling and fielding merited a certain amount of respect, but we've never quite been treated with this level of reverence before. Christie and Mellish eventually perished just past the 10 over mark trying to up the pace, with Histon having a 113 run target in 10 overs to chase at this point. Christie was out caught from Phillips, trying the aerial route and Mellish was bowled by a full one from James B. Ant and "Shortmoor" were out for a bit batting, whilst Jags had James, Phillips and then Cozzy bowling. Ant started with the shocking realisation that they needed to up the scoring - so was twirling his blade from the outset, dispatching 4's and.... and this really shocked me... running between the wickets. He sadly ran "Shortmoor" out for a dicey single after Liam had maintained the pressure by bowling a maiden. Threadgold joined Ant for a bit and Will bowled a couple of tidy overs.

Ant there, ready for action

Liam was irrepresible in attack here, inducing a hooked catch from Threadgold and then bowling Wilde for a first ball golden duckling with an absolute James and the Giant Peach of a delivery. The game was long since run at this point, there was time for Ant to continue his good batting run with a well taken 25, and Zak, with no pressure on, had some fun, hitting boundaries for fun, and finishing the innings carving some Parrish bowling for a late 4 and a 6, perhaps hinting at what could have been had the chase started thus. Histon finished 118-5, 42 runs short.

In truth, Histon never quite got the pace of the chase right, although some notable bowling performances from Tyler, Sap and Liam, some excellent glovemanship from Cob, some poor quality banter, and decent fielding efforts, all made scoring very hard.

I believe people retired to the pub and imbibed, as is our wont - but I popped home to do some parenting so cannot comment on the fun and frolics of those less tied to domestic servitude.

Shark Week up next.

Happy Histon Friendly

 Jaguars (Parrish 45*, Ant 26*, Cam!!!!! 17, Adrian 3-2, Jos 25-2) 145-7 beat Histon Invitational XI (Murray Christie 25*, Ant 7-2, Will 20-2) 120-8 by 25 runs

I'm sorry gents, but writing this match report, the scorebook such as I have it seems to have been largely written in pencil by a child with limited digit control.

This is a new fixture for us, and so so nice it was. The recent history of the Jags has been largely intertwined with the history of Histon. Many of our players are also Histon regulars, we've played on their pitch, and it is such a middle class slice of English happiness that I bought a house here. The weather was wondrous, kids playing at the rec, gentle setting evening sun, actual spectators, all one needed was a picnic and some Pimms.

We were delighted to welcome Rosie Parrish and her parents to the assembled throng. Rosie is the real brains and talent behind Bots Up - https://botsupgame.com/ - a joint venture between Matt and Rosie. Matt did some of the grunt work, Rosie did the hard work, putting a lovely little card game out there for all the family. I digress.

Jags won the toss and chose to bat. Parrish and and Jones got us off to a cracking start, facing occasional, talented, Jag Tyler and a chap who has gone into the book as Gatsby... what, Gatsby...?! Tyler was bowling, as he does, very well, good lengths, good pace, angry and intimidating run up. Parrish got off a few early 4's and scoring was quick to start, as it often is with the Jags. Sadly a miscommunication saw Jones run out early to a solid piece of fielding. Phillips then joined Mr Parrish and hit a lovely 4 before being pinned LBW by Tyler, a decision no one even thought of questioning it was so plumb. Tyler had a fantastic evening bowling, all snarl and aggression, good pace, great lengths and real energy.

Ant joined Matt for a bit and Matt did his classic swish of the blade and showed how it was to be done, retiring on 25 in no time at all. Matt's father in law was on pitch to snap some pictures. Hold the pose, Parrish.

Ant and Fardell continued the accumulation at a clipped pace. Ant seems to have been recently been possessed by the spirit of Alastair Cook when batting, hitting actual cricket shots and looking measured and composed at the crease. I was greeted on entrance to the field by the umpire saying, "he can't drive, pack the leg side field, back foot only". Which is all true, but I thought the umpire was supposed to be neutral?! Sure enough, I hit a few back foot shots before guiding one to backward square.

Will joined Ant for a bit. Ant did a genuine, intentional, nudge off the hips for 4... Will hit a few nice shots before hitting an aerial one that was magically snaffled one handed at mid on. Then came one of the highlights of this, or any, evening. Cam out to bat. Before he strolled out he asked if he should wear his sunglasses batting or not. A few of us said, no, it might make the bowlers angry, so he gingerly put them on the table and walked out - asking if he looked ok on his way.

Ant said something to Cam in the middle, and whatever it was, Cam proceeded to hit 2 consecutive 4's, which I think Ant can take some credit for. He was swinging and walloping and hitting all sorts of things, it was a delight to watch.

Eyes on the ball, Cam. Ant retired, and that bought everyone's favourite janitor to the crease, Cob. He sweeps like Groundskeeper Willie. It doesn't matter where you bowl, or what sport you are playing, Cob is sweeping. Cam and Cob kept a... measured.. scoring pace for a while. Inching towards something resembling a partnership. They faced a lot of balls together from Mellish and Adrian, who I gather might be related. One of them bowled a maiden... when does that happen?! Cam eventually was bowled, bringing out Tyler. Tyler swung, missed and was bowled - it was that stage of the game. Saptak then joined the fun for a bit, hitting a lovely 4, before being bowled.

The score was a touch behind par at this stage, but cometh the hour cometh the man - Parrish, strolling back in from retirement. Cob was still there. Still sweeping. Parrish went, swish, run, swish, run, and in no time at all he was at 45 not out with the Jags on a competitive total of 145-7.

Here is a picture of Cob, not sweeping. Put it on your wall. It is more valuable than a Banksy.

The Jags got started in good style, opening with Ant and Will. Ant had clearly supersized his lunch, as he was vicious. Everything was full, fast and skiddy. I was impressed the batsmen kept him at bay for so long, to be honest. Will was his normal self - tall, quiet assassin that he is. Scoring was slow for Histon. Will then got one of the openers caught, I think. Ant secured an LBW and then bowled the returning Jones with an absolute Jaffa Cake of a ball. Tyler and Sap had good spells, securing a couple more wickets, caught and bowled. 

The Jags were a touch light on bowling, so some variety was on show. One of my three highlights of the evening was Murray Christie coming out to bat for Histon. He is short, by my goodness is great to watch. Foot movement, technique, an ability to pierce the field. An absolute cut above anything else on display this evening. Sap bowled a twirly spell and had the best hair on the pitch.

Parrish and Phillips took bowling duties for a period and traded insults between overs. Cob was generally pretty solid behind the stumps, with some decent chat as well. Ant criticised him at pretty much every ball, mind. Each of Parrish and Phillips got a wicket. One of the wickets was an absolute worldy of a catch from Cob - right mitt thrusted into the air at just the right moment; the pleasant thud as it hit the glove and the sudden realisation that it has stuck bringing elation.

There was some dodgy fielding, including by yours truly, but Histon were not chasing the total down, despite Murray Christie's best efforts. So Parrish turned to Cam for a bowl, and it was pretty bad, but nowhere near as bad as my over, the death over, where pins were pulled and hand grenades were tossed, sort of in the general direction of the batsmen. 

A thoroughly pleasant evening was rounded off by some light refreshment at the Red Lion.

Off to a flyer against Aveva - with an E

There couldn’t have been a more fitting setting for the first match of 2021 - The clouds were grey, rain in the air and the Downing college wicket was damp and spongey. The cold temperatures had us rummaging through our bags for extra layers and Ant contemplating batting in his gilet. Cob the inside man chose to play for the Jags over his own company but seemed to know shockingly little about his other midweek team.

We won the toss and opted to bat first with club veterans Parrish and Fardell kicking us off. Mark got his excuses in early but wasted no time at the crease dispatching multiple early boundaries. Clearly keen to put an end to the Dom Sibley comparisons of last summer, defense was not on his mind this evening. Sadly this was eventually his undoing getting bowled whilst impersonating Happy Gilmore for a quickfire 19.

Parrish benefited from some loose bowling and made his way to 27 retired in good time. Meanwhile Threadgold had arrived at the crease and seemed set on never leaving it. We don’t count balls faced at The Jags which very much played to his favour this time round. It was a  slow but solid innings and a good partnership with debutant James Barker at the other end. However close inspection of the scorebook shows Dan was actually retired prematurely by the scorers on 24 runs - An accident? That’s for you to decide.

At the other end James laid a solid foundation with Dan before kicking things into gear with 3 fours in close succession bringing him to a well-earned 25. With only a couple of overs left Cozzy joined Ant at the crease but neither could quite find their timing. Ant was bowled for 4 doing a Fardell impression from earlier leaving Tyler about 9 balls to do some damage. And that is exactly what he did, biffing his way to 9 not out on his debut. Jags finished with 151 on the board and 3 retirees - A very competitive total.

With the batting done we headed out into the arctic, drizzle in the air and longing for the pub. Will opened things up (or Phil as he is known in the book) along with Liam. Phil had the batsmen in trouble early skying one into the wind that was probably well in the reach of about 6 players. A confident shout from Tyler sadly ended up with the ball on the ground though - We had only told him to drop catches off Liam so this was naturally disappointing... but in his defense he might have got them mixed up.

Both openers bowled out with Phil taking 1 for 22 and Liam 1 for 21 - Both of them clean bowling their respective batsmen. The youthful Tyler and Joss took the reins from the old men both bowling tidyly in their first overs. Tyler went on to take 3 for 19 including two great catches from James. One grab was particularly impressive, clinging on whilst getting rugby tackled by the skipper. With my meek and timid call lost in the wind and my eyes glued to ball I didn’t see myself smash into our new recruit, earning myself a spike to the knee.

Ant and James closed things out with the ball with the game never in doubt. Ant earned a last over wicket from a good catch from Cozzy leaving him with 1 for 15 from his 4 and we left the field with a 25 run win. We quickly scarpered to the Red Bull where we were joined by club legends Mann and Lunn for post-game celebrations.