Jags 133-6 (Threadgold 26*, Parrish 25*, Fardell 23, Coles 2-13) Lost to Bidwells 134-5 (Colesy 27*, Scott 26*, Jack 25*, Banks 25*, Will 2-6) by 5 wickets
This week saw us switch grounds to the lovely King and Selwyn to play Bidwells. Bidwells are a team that the Jags used to play, and lose to, most seasons, and after a hiatus we desired a return to the old familiar pattern. Pre-match "banter" was centered around the address of the ground. I wouldn't describe it as humourous. At all. The fact this qualifies as chat at all in 2021 demonstrates how low social standards have slipped during these extended and dark periods of isolation we've all suffered through COVID.
This is the address. Saying it over and over again does not qualify as acceptable chatter.
There was a monumental disaster before the game, with our hirusute Geordie, Cob, ruling himself out of proceedings owing to a hangover from watching England play Denmark in the football. Cob is very hardy, so he must have literally drunk all of the drinks.
How I imagine Cob's flat looked at about midday
Jags won the toss and Parrish and Fardell started proceedings. It was a tricky opening spell to start, partially as it was full on raining when we went out to bat. I had water droplets hanging from the visor of my extremely new helmet for most of my innings (having recently bought an entirely new load of kit in order, as I think my old kit is tainted or something). Parrish was off in the runs in typically rumbunctious style, flaying a few threes and fours for good measure. It hit a boundary from a rubbish half track pie - it's a 4 in the book so I'll take it.
Energetic running between the wickets and good calling kept the scoreboard ticking over. Exactly what rate, I couldn't precisely tell you, as Ant was doing the scorebook, and in typical laid back style, he did bits of it, but not all of it. Matt retired without too much ado, he's on a mega streak for the Jags - 224 runs and out once...
Barker kept me company for a bit and then a hilarious period of play that saw my demise. I gentle paddled a ball to the square boundary that somehow went for 6. I was called back to the pavilion as they had deemed I had reached 25 and it was time for retirement. My first of the season, hurrah. I got about half way back to the pavilion when I was sent back bat - as Ant's languid scoring approach meant I probably hadn't got 25. So I stroll back in, honestly angry as fuck that Ant and Phillips didn't manage to get a GCSE in maths between them. The immediate next ball was a full toss that hit me in the, "Gentlemanly Region". It took me quite some time to recover from this. Everyone laughed (as indeed would I), but my goodness it hurt, and hasn't been the correct colour since.Tommy H at umpire then mentioned he was thinking of giving me LBW for ball breaking delivery - but there hadn't been an appeal. All round bantz.
Barker hit an absolutely cracking 4 through the offside region, and we did some scurrying to keep the total ticking along, before I ran myself out pushing James for a non-existent single. I was at least grateful that I didn't run him out. Dan joined James for a bit and the score was 72-1-10 at this point. A really nice platform for a 150 plus total. Dan and James kept things moving mainly in singles at this point, before a not-so-well-judged second run - which for the record I think was there for the taking, saw Dan send James back - with no hope of him actually getting back.
Ant strolled out to join Dan and we then hit that fallow late afternoon period of day 3 of the test match. Ant and Dan put on a nice display of blocking and not running for about 4 overs, which saw 14 runs scored in just under 5 overs. Ant was eventually bowled, a rather tasty ball from Mr Brown of Histon 1st XI fame, and Cozzy joined proceedings. Dan and Cozzy stepped things up here, Dan hitting a couple of lovely 4's down the ground and Cozzy hitting some lovely fours to the square leg boundary. Threadgold retired with this late flurry of biffing, an innings of two halves, it must be said.
Hopper was out for a bit, not many balls to go so had to swing a bit, got a few runs and was bowled pretty quickly. Phillips did a similar trick, out for a bit and then bowled quickly. James' Dad had kindly volunteered to replace Cob after a mix up in his own scheduled game. He also didn't manage to trouble the scorers and the Jags innings was in danger of finishing with a whimper, before Cozzy and Will got us home with some late late runs - Will hitting a lovely 2 and then an absolutely gorgeous 6 over wide long on. 133 felt short of par this week, particularly as it had stopped raining and Bidwells had lots of chaps who looked like they knew which end of the bat to hold.
It was either a case of take wickets, or keep the scoring low. We went with the latter. Will and Tyler opening the bowling. Will began with a maiden and Tyler was bowling some lovely tight lines, making scoring really quite difficult. Tyler only went for 4 an over in his 4 over spell, which is quite something in this evening 20/20 games. Will bowled one in his second over with a jaffa, and the other was run out by a phenomenal piece of fielding from Mr Threadgold, picking up at mid off, taking aim and direct hit splattering the stumps. Skipper, Parrish, taking duties behind the stumps.
Will stepped out of the attack, ready to return later on, and Phillips came in. At this point Bidwells had scored about 30 odd runs from almost 8 overs and were being strangled by good bowling, and generally decent fielding. The wheels were soon to come off the bus though. Phillips did a bit of bowling, insisting to all who would listen that his variation in balls was not absolutely random, but very deliberate and controlled. He was spanked about a bit for a few 4's, mainly from his shorter balls and was a touch on the pricey side, it must be said. Hopper joined him at the other end, and was given a bit of the long handle treatment as well, as both Bidwells batsmen found their stride.
At 10 overs, they had put on 55, and it felt like the game was in the balance. Unfortunately, this was the point at which we all decided to forget how to field. Some loose pickups in the field, a terrible throw from yours truly, and not enough pressure on the singles, allowed Bidwells to accelerate the scoring quite spectacularly at this point. One rocket went towards Ant at short mid off, catchable, but it would have been a good catch. Ant was clearly worried about the expensive dental work that would have followed had he been hit in the globe, so pulled himself completely out of the way.
Two retirees came and went, runs flowed and the next two were into their stride quickly. Ant came in to bowl and produced an absolute joyous yorker with one that was only just kept out by the bat. Hopper got a nicely bowled one with his third over. One of the two batsmen retired bringing in a bit of a bunny to the crease. Ant thought about bowling outside off to keep him in and give us a chance... but he also thought about his average, and decided to take the top of off instead.
Will and Dan were then in tandem, with 5 overs to go 103 runs on the board. Will did a similar thing to Ant, looking at a bunny, he tried to bowl outside off, but was just too straight, and castled him. At the other end, things got very bad in a hurry - as the Bidwells skipper looked at Dan running in to bowl and decided that it was walloping time, hitting him for 2,4, dot, 4, and finishing with a monster 6 over long off.
At the end it was left to one seasoned Bidwells battler, Walter to partner a less experienced colleague in a not-as-tense-as-it-looked chase, with Bidwells home and hosed with 2 overs to spare.
I've not put too much detailed commentary in here, but our fielding was pretty shambolic for periods of this game. Ah well, onwards and upwards. Ensors up next.
Postscript - It turns out that Bidwells actually fielded with 12 players for their entire innings without anyone noticing. So, technically, we could call this a win - were we a petty bunch.
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