Ploughing the Slope

Jags 132-0 (Brolia 28*, Threadgold 28*, Anderson 28*, Sawyer 26*) beat Sharks 130-6 (Rob 26*, Ackers 26*, Brett 3-13) by 10 wickets

This match report is written with both the benefit and the fog of a week having passed since the game was played. There may be some details forgotten, made up or enhanced for dramatic effect as a result.

We took to Fen Ditton's slopey fields in nice weather against old foes the Sharks. The Ditton track looked much better than I ever remember it looking, but the slope and the ability to lose bags of cricket balls to the Plough in Fen Ditton is, well, it's a bit of a design flaw really isn't it. The slope, granted you 'can' pretend it's like Lords and just accept it as being home team advantage. The lack of a fence, or net or well, you know anything really to stop you losing cricket balls is, well, it feels like an underinvestment from the good people in Fen Ditton. Looking at house prices there, perhaps they have no spare cash to help fund the club.

This match was something of a one sided affair, and the scorebook tells the same story, but lots of things happened that almost made it close, so I will write more anon. In the meantime this was the best ironic graphic I could come up with.

It really really wasn't this, many people did not good things on the field

The skipper was late and I was left with the coin tossing duty, and duly lost so the Sharks put themselves in to bat. Zak and AB opened for them, with Brett and Benjamin Savage taking bowling duties. Liam is on one at the moment, and thus it continued with near immaculate control and line and length making it hard as nails to score or survive. He was aided by a Reader I bought from MR Cricket, which still got the customary guffaws and laughter from the team. The issue with Liam bowling as well as this, is that whoever is bowling the other end, well they're not going to try and take Liam on, let's put it that way, hence Savage getting whacked for a few, before AB trying to go "downtown" and instead went "uptown" skying it high and deep. Threadgold made it look as though it was swirling, shifting and landing safely, itching back and forth like a man with a nasty rash, before eventually he caught it over his shoulder. I honestly didn't think from the way he moved a catch was ever in prospect until he held it. He even letter out funny "oo-eer" noise whilst trying to find the ball.

Rob stepped out for the Sharks, and he is both a gentleman and class act, playing himself in with some technically correct shots, perhaps sensing that his wicket would be very valuable to keep in the context of the narrative about to unfold. Zak perished shortly thereafter thinly edging from Liam to Matt behind the stumps, generously walking without pause. Jim walked out, a man who has devastated our bowling over the years, but not tonight. He was caught in two minds and gently pushed his first ball high to backward point, where George took an easy chance. Pat joined the fray, a man who has destroyed our bowling over the years with golf/hockey shots that are perfectly effective. I think he kept one out then edged one law, again to George at backward point, where George nonchalantly took it just above the turf with one hand, right at the last possible second. Like one handed grabs with your left hand are just a "thing".

George's actual pose a second before taking the catch

Marc came out for the Sharks and he and Rob set about keeping the game alive by, mostly, doing the sensible thing and not getting out to Liam. Jags debutant, and our first Saffer in a long long time, Chris Mailes, came in to bowl. He was little wayward at first but found his lines. Toby joined him and was a little wayward at first, then got a little bit more wayward later, but it was fine as we'd had the most ridiculous start. Liam had a 3 wicket maiden for chuffs sake.

Then something happened to our collective brains. I think the flurry of 4 big wickets inside of 5 overs, the very low score, (I think they were 3-4 at one point or something equally befuddling) and the allure of the wonderful Plough in Fen Ditton meant we collectively made a decision to field like a bunch of muppets. 

Next year's recruits turning up for training

I started things off by falling over a ball at backward square. Threadgold decided that backing up is for other people. I dived round a ball, which the laws of physics don't really allow, but somehow I managed it, and Savage dropped a real sitter. There were lots of other instances, but it's been a week and I'm trying to erase the trauma. 

To further up the scoring rate for the opposition, we decided to give Ant a go at bowling. Ant's numbers in the book are good. To watch in real life, it was not good. His first ball almost killed the batsman, Ant actually apologised within a nanosecond of it leaving his hand. His other balls should mostly have been called no balls, or wides, or just a new rule called "Ant". He was proud of his figures, he should not be proud of the highlights reel.

The batsmen accumulated gently, with Rob hitting some very nice shots to both off and legside, playing it late, good foot movement. He had clearly sensed his role and formed a useful partnership with Marc to get Sharks into scoring territory. Toby had been a bit wayward, but his wicket ball was one of the best I've seen bowled from a spinner - great length, faster that it looks, turning in and connecting with the top of off. Marc was sent back, but in truth there was little he could have done.

Sawyer then came in as, "he had bowled well before", but not this week. No sirree bob. The batsmen duly cashed in, and the only high point reached at this stage of the game was height the ball was sailing past the fielders as the length, line, pitch and everything was a total and utter mess. He wasn't aided by the fielders of course. 

Rob the batsman duly retired and Ackers and Joe scored some runs quite comfortably against some of our bowlers. Things were very flat in the field, with the Sharks getting a decent ish total on the board. Ackers retired, various Jags tried to shout at or encourage each other to some cricketing things, and the incoming batsman Ammad took a very open stance and massive shine to Sawyer's absolute crud stuff and bludgeoned him to all corners.

Ant was replaced by Phillips, and he bowled not too bad, although a run out was missed because I embraced the spirit of the evening and decided to try and lawn bowl the batsman out. If it had hit the stumps, maybe it would have been hailed as genius. Dear Reader, it didn't hit the stumps. It was both not in line with the stumps and not quite powerful enough to either reach them or dislodge the bails had it been in line.

Now's your chance to be a hero, Marky, don't blow it...

The free hitting Amman was caught by Chris Mailes off Phillips and Brett came back to finish things. He had some insane figures at this point, and was bowling at a young tail ender, so much so that the Sharks umpires said please be nice. We're always nice. 

Liam duly obliged by giving the young man a couple of sighters outside off. Deliberately bowling a fine edge for him, and then putting a few unplayable ones outside off, pretty much ruining his figures in the process, or so he told me. Except when I look at the book, 4 overs, 13 runs, 3 wickets. Not too shabby. 130-6 to chase. 

A slightly changed opening batting partnership of Ant and Sawyer took about their work with a minimum of fuss, aided by some fairly friendly bowling it must be said. Ant in particular was in a hurry to get to Milton - no rollicking in the field for him on video chat with his lady this week - he absolutely spanked the ball, pretty much entirely to the legside to get out of their on 28* sharpish. The book doesn't record the number of balls, but it was not a lot. One clip to square off his toes was dreamy. He basically cantered off the field, said his goodbyes on the way to the car and got the second part of his evening underway quick sharp. I won't write any details about his post cricket activities here in case this blog is being carefully followed by law enforcement.

Sawyer was a touch more reserved, joined now by Dan. Both got going, Sawyer with a nice late cut and Dan with a club/bludgeon to midwicket that I can recall. The only moment of alarm was when Sawyer hit the ground with his bat nowhere near the ball and I as umpire briefly forgot the rules of cricket on hearing an appeal from the keeper, and debated giving him out - until I came to my senses and realised that he needed to hit the ball to be caught out. 

Sawyer started to look classy, and Dan was scoring without ever really looking like he had a clue what he was doing, but there were no caught chances, no slowing of the rate and nothing really of note apart from some memorable shots. The bowling was tame, other than AB who was tight and controlled.

How the bowling was V How it is supposed to be

Sawyer finished with a square cut that oozed class and a beastly pull that exuded power. Job done. George came in and quickly got up to pace, hitting a couple of 4's supported by Dan who hit a couple of nice late blows to retire. George was joined by Liam and George hit some wonderful shots, less casual with bat than when fielding but no less effective with a hook that I can recall just flying away. We lost 5 or 6 balls at the end, as the Plough boundary was peppered every other ball. George retired with a drive, leaving Liam and Toby to bring it home. Oddly the first two balls Toby faced were great, spice and venom and all that, but it was too late and we got where we needed to be.

Pub attendance and chat was great, I do love the Plough.