Debutants Down Ditton

Jags 182/4 (Wilson 51*, Parrish 50*, Harding 18-1) beat Fen Ditton 119/5 (Gardner 25, Sethu 28, F Christie 5-1) by 63 Runs

MOTM - Wilson

Last week we had our first ever game cancelled owing to player availability. I must confess this left me down in the dumps a bit - it was almost entirely down to the England Kickball and people wanting to see if we could win da ting, but 17 seasons was a long streak to never have to have called off a game for anything other than weather. I think the lads and the wider network sensed my disappointment as there was a good solid push for availability this week and the chaps came through in fine style, with a big total, two debuts, nice weather and Fen Ditton as opposition doing a nice generally nice job.

I was glad we were at Queens, notwithstanding that it has not played that true this year owing to the heatwaves we've had. I both like and don't like playing at Fen Ditton. I don't like the ground as it slopes downhill at an alarming rate that is more akin to a decent red run in ski season, it has a random cemetary in one corner, and every single corner of the ground seems to be a place you can lose a ball if it crossed the boundary. However it is next to the Plough in Fen Ditton which is a beautiful pub in which to imbibe a riverside pint. 

We lost the toss and were generously put into by the Fen Ditton midweek skipper perhaps sensing that we had some runs in us.

Fen Ditton - Spooky

Cattle and Mailes started really well with Cattle spanking an early 4 and Mailes into his stride with some very punch offside action quite early on. The pace was rapido to start on the scoring front and this new opening partnership had a blast. Mailes got to 18 off 12 balls before he got Savaged - Ben giving him out LBW. Mailes was low, not bat involved, he was deep in his crease, and from my position of square leg umpire, it looked plumber than pudding - but Mailes looked annoyed anyway at being giving out by Mr Trigger Finger.

Cattle was joined by the other new boy J Wilson, and he quickly oozed class. These two kept up some rapid pace with a whipped 4 behind square, a late cut 4 and Cattle hit an actual honest to goodness cover drive for 3. He fell caught and bowled through one a little quickly that probably stuck in the pitch as they all do at the moment. 

Mr "Pinch Hitter" Baker was in at 4 and hammered two 4's from the first two balls he faced, both to long on, looking in a rush to his 16. Mr Wilson, I'm fairly sure looked him up and down and said, "ah, this is the sort of cricket we're playing" and started to realise it was fun time at the Queens College Corral. 

He then unfurled a whipped backward square 6, a straight as an arrow 4, and absolutely positively looked like the gunniest batsman in his family on his way to 51* from 31 balls. He also hit a 4 that was surely a 6 on pretty much every ground in the land. Except this one. And it was in the air for, let's say 10 or 15 seconds before it fell to earth. 

Baker fell chipping it back to the bowler bringing Parrish out. He's had his steroid injections to fix his troublesome hand, and boy did it show. With no helmet, and taking advantage of the right arm around bowler to basically stand like a baseball player as LBW was out the picture, he took at it. He even hit the worst 6 you will ever see - cross batted, straight back over the bowler's head, but only just, and flat all the way to the boundary. He's been down the gym I reckon. Mr Wilson finished with 4 consecutive 4's and then decided to retire, allowing Fraser to jog out for a bit.

Sawyer and Holmes very kindly turned up before the first innings was over. Thanks gents. 

I also need to mention that their keeper was wearing running shorts and the fielding was a little on the generous side. Parrish continued to do the business, although he did run Fraser out late in the game then himself chose to retire on 50. Savage was still umpiring and caught some shade for texting the WhatsApp group whilst umpiring.

The last few balls were therefore left to Sawyer and myself. We found some runs where runs perhaps should not exist. I managed to run a single, I was really quite proud of this, hitting it straight back to the bowler, who turned round and threw the ball away from the stumps allowing us to sneak on through despite the ball not having left the the square. 182-4. Big numbers again.

Brett and Holmes got us going with Mailes behind the stumps for the funsies. Holmes started bowling like a man who had never played cricket before, and finishing bowling like a man who in fact does know how to play cricket. I will also suggest that Matt's chat of the day here was quite apt. After his first over went for 13 runs, Matt said, "Maybe you could put away the tactical bouncer and deploy the tactical yorker next over". Holmes had a look like a man who was not amused. Brett started good and stayed good, Holmes just got back to normal after an opening over that was curious.

Brett castled one opener with one that did some things. Baller things. Mailes was usefully adept behind the stumps and was clearly enjoying himself doing it. Holmes went wicketless, but his last two overs were as clean as you will see in this form of middling cricket. Wilson bowled, and Cattle did after telling everyone he was more of a wicket keeper. Wilson caught and bowled one I think, the Play Cricket scorebook is a bit ambiguous on most points here as it didn't recognise Wilson or Cattle and my timing in writing this is slightly off and I've slightly forgotten. Cattle I'm pretty sure caught and bowled one too. Again, hard to read. They did goodly stuff though. Both of them.

Benjamin Savage his his thing from his favourite end, very tidy and hard to score from, but bowling later in the game than is customary. He eventually bowled one with his rage ball, the one where he has not somehow got wickets for a few balls when he clearly deserved them, so he gets angry and picks on the weakest batsman and almost knocked him over.

Sawyer bowled and erm it was a lot. I think he bowls legspin, but it was mostly what-da-heck-is-dat. Good balls and absolutely head height garbage. 

At this point Matt heard the latest nickname for Sawyer, "Baby Guinness" for the first time and couldn't stop laughing. The chat is here every week buddy, just keep turning up.

Fraser then came into to finish things with, as Sawyer said it, the skip-eagle-trigger-shuffle-bowling action. It was very effective, and he saw one caught by Sawyer taking a tough high one at mid/long off sort of spot.

It was a little one sided but fun - when you put that many on the board it's hard to know where to go as the second side. You need at least one of your openers to go all Chris Gayle on it.

Pub attendance was amazing, we made pizza just in time and both new boys realised early doors that pub attendance is important - so we hope they wish to come back again.

Dobblered

Jags 175/7 - (Parrish 77, Brett 23*, Barker 20, Aman 28-2) beat Dobblers 125-7 (Hema 55, MacGregor 33*, B Savage 7-3) by 50 runs

MOTM - Parrish (with an honorable mention to Ben Savage)

We've had a fair few lovely games with Dobblers over the years, most notably when Sam was the organiser. They're a proper pub team, with their opening batsman taking this particularly seriously by having two pints before the game (and still hitting some runs), and their assembled fans smoking rollies and drinking warm beers on a picnic table whilst watching. This week was Queens and owing to a late medical drama, we were ten as Holmes couldn't make it. Frantic texts and calls to all corners didn't help, so 10 it was. What a 10 mind.

Matt won the toss and batted and he opened with Barker. Both got us going at quite a lick, with James whipping a nice legside 4 and a lovely over the top one as well that I can recall. The pitch was spongey and slow, like it had been watered way too much quite recently. Barker eventually perished as a direct result of this, hitting through a ball way too early and it went high into the offside ring.

I think maybe this is more my game in my advancing years

I joined Matt for a bit and continue to look as scratchy as a cat with blunt claws. I got a couple of dangerous singles, a terrible 2 that should have been caught and then hit my one and only genuine cricket shot of the last few games, a straight defensive covering off stump that somehow I edged through to the keeper with a feather touch. A genuine first for me being caught by a keeper off an edge. At this point I think I need to just stop the old brain thinking and start doing some hitting.

Threadgold joined Matt in an old school Jags partnership, and there was some top quality running between the wickets, Matt into his stride and then looking in great nick despite his recent medical maladies. The ability of these gents to turn 1's into 2's and 2's into 3's is quite a sight to behold. Good running at this stage easily added 10/12 or so to our final score.

Seeing Parrish back in full flow is a joy to behold, and one wallop back over the bowler's head for a once bounce 4 was particularly lovely to watch.

I made a comment in the chat at this point that scoring was slow. It wasn't in truth, but scoring off the bat was in some overs - mainly as several balls were so wide you couldn't have hit them with go go gadget arms. Mr Extras had a great week again; always a strong candidate for Jag of the season. Matt took some offence at me suggesting scoring was slow when we convened in the pub - which, for the record, is fair. I have to put words in the chat though otherwise how can our legions of committed followers who hang on my every word...

Dan hit a couple of punchy 4's, and both continued to set feats of athleticism, with their pushing the run rate at pace, causing errors in the field in the process. Dan perished chipping it back to the bowler, and Matt was joined by Piers and around about then he got a well deserved 50. He even let more loose, hitting 3 consecutive 4's, taking on some water, and eventually fell, bowled.

Brett and Piers were then in the middle for a bit, another old school partnership with Jagex player support vibes all over it. Piers was doing his best Fardell impression at times, although he did hit one straight through the bowler that didn't go for 4 for reasons I cannot quite understand. Brett's third ball he hammered it for 6 - straight over the bowler and into the trees. It went so high it hurt the Earth where it landed. 

Brett was keen to take the Sawyer role here - hitting it this way and that away with no defence in sight - on his was to 23 from 9 balls. The pitch continued to be a marvel, and Piers fell last over - hitting it quite hard back at the bowler who made a good catch. If he hadn't have made the catch his nose would have been broken/McSmashed, so sad as I was to see Piers out, I'm glad no serious injuries happened. More tobacco smells filled the air and the assembled Dobblers had got the pork piers out - it was a rare old day.

Cooper did his bit for the team, edging one, and then ran himself out pushing for the second. Brett hit a couple wristy 4's once Ollie gave him the strike and was run out last ball giving up on the 3rd run. 175/7 is another big score.

Half time refreshment, Dobbler's style.

We only had ten so there was a gap in the field, but when you open with two Savages bowling, it scarcely matters. We also had the wonderful sight of Barker behind the stumps with his finest furry brimmed hat on - taking the mantle of best hat of the week from the absent Holmes.

Ben opened with firesome force, left arm over can be a tricky action to face, and he was hitting his straps and bowling some genuine weekend cricketer stuff, only conceding 1 off his first over. At the other end, Ollie was doing a very long run up, but not bowling at quite the pace the run up suggested he was going to deliver, and conceded an early legside wide to one that did quite a lot.

The 5th over, Ben's third, was the Action Jackson of the piece. One of the openers was desperately unlucky to fall to one that hit the ground on a good length around leg, then bounced precisely 2 centimetres from the ground and hit the stumps, poor chap. A couple of balls later there was an all action run out - the batsman tipped it to the legside and pushed for a non-existent run. I picked it up quite casually and then threw it sort of in the direction of the keeper's end, close ish - but not too close, so Barker had to do some work (lazy students!), and he broke the stumps with the man well short of his ground. The batsman was livid for some reason, and threw his bat away in disgust. Ben had two balls to go and the first castled their skipper, decent length, awful awful attempt at a shot, and middle and off stump were discombobulated. The final one was an absolute terror of a ball, the batsman pressed forward and tried a really quite nice looking forward defensive on most of his off stump, but the ball hit a good length on middle, weaved slightly past the bat and kissed the top of off. It wouldn't have looked out of place in an Onyx 1 game.

A Jags team hat trick and Ben on a hat trick himself next ball! This was the over that did the business.

Ollie continued, wicketless and Ben did a fine act of jug avoidance, but his last over was a maiden to leave him with some pretty stonking figures of 4-1-7-3 and just the two wides to blot the copybook. On another day he would have been an easy MOTM contender and certainly merits a mention.

On this day, our favourite Savage was clearly Mr Benjamin Savage.

Ollie got carted about a bit in his last over. We were then treated to Mr French cricket, Fraser Christie, bowling taking over from Ben. It was beautiful to watch from the side, but the batsman also thought it was rather lovely and cashed in on some wayward lengths. Brett, our favourite second change bowler, took over from Ollie. The 2 beer deep batsman was delighted not to have to face any Savages anymore and hit a couple of 4's, one of which I probably could have stopped, but I just sort of stood there and watched it go. I made up for it next ball by running and sliding for the cameras. Fraser continued, and the batsman got to his 50 from some more variable length stuff.

The next wicket to fall as the self same batsman, having played well it must be said, Ollie made an absolutely lovely catch at long on from Liam's bowling. It was one of those where it looked great, but you sort of wonder if it looked great because he made hard work of it by running the wrong way and then the right way and then snaffling it. The sun was low in the sky so I cannot 100% tell.

Cooper did some excellent economic bowling, chirp was solid, and Mr Metronome himself kept joining those dots. The chat started turning to pizza - and would we get to the pub in time to order it, and one of the batsmen clearly heard this and decided to re-check is guard and do some mild gardening between every ball.

Piers did a good Fardell inspired sliding fielding thing on the boundary, Matt set some great fields and was in on the action at long on a few times, and Piers Morgan came to bowl near the death with the game truly unwinnable for Dobblers long long ago at this point. Piers was a bit all over the shop, which was quite funny and at this level often helps get wickets. There was a quite funny exchange where he bowled a wide, Barker showed him the gloves and said, "bowl it at the gloves", and I said, "it's the only way it's getting near them". 

The batsman continued his between balls ritual - he must really fucking hate Pizza, us or both, and Cooper got a run out, with Pier and Barker combining more successfully to get the job done. 

Piers finished us up with an ok over, and got a wicket last ball with a stumping when the batsman danced out of his crease to hit runs in a lost cause.

There was excellent pub attendance and we just made it in time for food (Hoorah!). They do a student special, beer and a pizza for a tenner, but give the students a mini pizza (which I found quite amusing), so those of us who had ordered full size ones ended up sharing it with the ravenous teenagers in our midst. 

There was some excellent chat about Histon players that have left, and a really good conversation about how drink driving is really bad, but used to be regarded as totally fine.

Slam Dunk da Monk

IPH 117/3 (Thed 25*, Pavan 25*, D'Silva 25*, Holmes 2-28) beat Jags 116/6 (Muzzah 58*, Brett 19, Parrish 15) by 7 wickets.

MOTM - Muzzah

The scorebook is an absolute mess and ergo cannot be relied upon for the basics so this is a best efforts abbreviated match report. 

England were playing the Democratic Republic of Congo in a World Cup knockout fixture and availability of the players was therefore somewhat limited. There is something about any nation that has a name like, "Democratic Republic" that suggests to me a chequered past or present, it's got a weird nominative affirmative quality to it, like the country is trying to scream to the world not-at-all-convincingly that it is absolutely definitely democratic and totally legit or something. Having said that, I know not an awful lot of about DR Congo (other than that they played some pretty good kickball against England by all accounts) and that the full name of our nation is the "United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland" which in these times, you could really pick apart just as easily.... 

Anyway enough politics/random stuff that's in my head. This team are called IPH, but I think it's one of the many guises that the Old Monks go under, a team of travelling cricket afficionados who play well wherever they go and seem to have an endless rolodex of good cricketers. Owing to the football we had 8 players scraped together, and were pleased just to get a game on at the the lovely Queens. Matt was back from Chicago and fresh off a steroid injection was ready to skipper and bat again. Hoorah. I ended up opening with Brett mainly as I had some kit on around the start point, and lasted 4 balls - three prodigious away swingers were followed by a straight in swinger that pinned me absolutely plumb LBW. I'm no longer good at cricket, if I ever was, but I've also had the misfortune to face mostly good accurate at the stumps bowling in all the 50 odd balls I've faced this year - and as is often the case with cricket, the gods are for you or against you at any given point, and there is nothing you can do about it. Perhaps that is why this particular group use a religious theme; hoping to curate the favour of the cricket gods.

Holy Rollers?

Brett and Parrish got down to business, it was nice to see the skipper back and bits I recall where a cover drivey type shot and Brett hitting it high repeatedly using a combination of golf and cricket in equal measure. Having plundered 10 from an over, Brett continued to go hard and lofted one to the offside that was snaffled. Parrish kept going, with Dale, who I think was caught and Jake was then bowled, bringing Muzzah to the crease and lowly number 6, mainly as his dad had turned up without his kit so he had to bat lower down. Scoring picked up at this point, a late cut, lovely pull and some classic Parrish biffing got the game going. Parrish eventually fell caught high ish for 15, but it was nice to see him doing the business again in any form. Muzzah had to retire on 29* (to return later), and Dan was out for a bit before being bowled right arm around. 

Speaking of which we had a lot of weird bowling here - left arm round, right arm round, and one guy who bowled left arm round and right arm round in the same over... Oz joined proceedings for a bit with his son, who got 50 and then Oz was bowled. The skipper of the opposition graciously allowed us to have one of more terrible batsmen come back in to give them a total to bat towards and Holmes followed up his 0 with 14. Muzzah cruised to 50, all class and no cabbage, and his 50 celebration coincided with Harry Kane scoring for England.

116/6 was never going to be enough on a spongey wicket against a team almost exclusively comprised of cricketers, and given we would have a very gappy field with 8, there would be runs scored with ease.

We started well with Brett and Dale doing really nice things and the batsmen playing and missing or defending mostly. Dale did his best Morgan Yaxley impression and Muzzah behind the stumps was absolute butter with the gloves, standing up and taking fast stuff easily. Jake did some bowling, there was some chat, Harry Kane scored to defeat an impoverished and war torn African nation in the kickball, and we just enjoyed basically riffing off each other and bantering in the a field on a Wednesday evening. Holmes with his pink hat, Matt chuntering away and ranking my chat between "Phillips" and "actually quite funny" depending what inane chatter I came up with lately. Wickets didn't fall and they took their time against a modest total, but we honestly couldn't care less. 

Oz bowled, and owing to "excessive late spin" according to the umpire, he had a couple of wides given and gave the umpire a few pieces of his mind.

Then Barker arrived and things suddenly livened up. He was dressed in non-cricket attire having umpired or scored at some sort of professional game involved Essex Ladies, but somehow had his spikes to hand, and came on to bowl, getting a wicket first ball LBW. Holmes then got one, chipped high and caught in the ring by Mr Parrish (who honestly made it look like a worldy purely by massively misjudging it), and he got another skied to I think Barker himself - the effervescent Lassie turning up and make the game all fun and exciting all of a sudden. It might have been Parrish, who knows, I'm giving it to Barker for giving us a flourish of a finish.

Parrish finished off the bowling - a true sight to behold, and the umpire did not want to give the extras that his wayward bowling merited as that is a bad way to finish a game. I was briefly warmed up to have a bowl, but the skipper thought better of it - better not take the piss eh chaps.

In the end, they got there, but we didn't care. A makeshift 8/9 had played the full 40 overs, done some cricketing things, and definitively won the banter battle. The sensible finish time meant we retired to the Red Bull, had pizza and beer and Oz told me how he'd used to get drunk in my garden when the previous owners were then the current owners, and there had been a secret back gate that no longer exists. Different times.

Playing Cricket on the Sun

Jags 184/5 (Sawyer 65, Rawlings 36, Day 26, Vemula 21-2) beat Telugu Tac 142/10 (Vemula 54, Shimpi 28, P Cooper 6-20) by 42 Runs.

MOTM - Bloody Hell - P Cooper (Sawyer too I guess).

So this game had a lot - and I'm not entirely sure where I start to be honest. It was back at Queens though which is just such a welcome return to our happy place.

Let's go with the weather. It was insanely hot this week, like record breaking, global warming is clearly winning, we're all melting, type hot. Records, broken, people dying, grounds cracking up like the grand canyon, hot. The groundsman even called me during the day to ask if I wanted to go ahead as it would be North of 30c at 7pm. I have had many a fully organised game called off for rain, but never in my 17 seasons of organising midweek cricket has anyone ever tried to call off a game because the weather was too nice. I said, stuff that, we'll play and do hydration breaks or something. So we did.

How most of the week has felt

A full XI was secured late in the day as Felix had annoyed his parents by playing golf and ignoring their calls, but happened to be playing golf with Mr Rawlings, who stepped in. I had to bring two of the three and all their kit bags and my own in a Kia Sportage, so it was a bit of a tight fit and I couldn't see out of most of the windows. We got there in one piece.

I could see fine, Officer

When I turned up to play Telugu TAC, a team with a Sri Lankan connection, I told their assembled players we all needed to be careful and drink plenty of water and be mindful of the heat as the groundsman was concerned. One of them laughed at me and said, "we'll be fine mate, but you better be careful". Entirely fair, given my Irish heritage.

We welcomed back some most familiar faces in addition to the new boy Rawlings. The man the legend Jake Holmes, fresh from a month in San Diego - I'm told it is because he was hanging out with his better half and not because he was detained by ICE. Also, Mr Benjamin Savage back from the University of wherever-the-f&*k, and he took skippering duties, natural leader that he is. We were grateful to Mr Barker for scoring again. 

Benjy won the toss and elected to bat (Freddie - lesson number 1), and Muzzah and Felix opened us up. Bowling was tight and challenging to start with, but the boys got going anyway, 10 off the first over and shots I recall were a Muzzah offside lofted drive, Felix hitting a genuine late cut 4 and a straight driven 2 that was so pretty you could hang it in the downstairs toilet, and a partnership quickly formed, with them putting on 49 in the first 5 overs. Felix fell LBW to one that was going to hit the stumps (Freddie - lesson number 2) given by Mr Fairness, Ben Savage. Muzzah agreed, and himself continued batting with aplomb joined by new boy Seth Rawlings. A pulled four to square and an on drive that I recall were both very good shots from Mr Christie, before he perished bowled by one where the bounce was a bit deceptive. 

This bought Sawyer to the crease with Rawlings for what turned into a mega partnership of 116 runs. Were there shots, man were there shots - Seth sent one straight back over the bowler's head for 4, and was the earlier scoring of the two, with Sawyer finding his stride with an early clipped four to the on side. Some mega overs happened, with Sawyer favouring the leg side and Seth favouring most of the off side, although Sawyer also managed a whipped 6, a square 6 and an off drive for four that deserves a medal and a street to be named after it. We took a drinks break and Sawyer was at this point 3 pounds lighter than at the start of his innings. At one point he hit a 4, 2, 6, and then next over hit a 6, 4 plus 2 no ball and 6 to rapidly accelerate things and in the process bring up his 5. Rawlings, not to be outdone hit a wonderful late cut for four. Sawyer perished going big on the offside for a brilliant 65, a proper innings and easily the man of the match for the moment. MOTM number 1. He even kindly offered the weaker bowler some post out advice.

This brought me out, I gave Sawyer a hug and briefly talked to Seth. Seth said:

"He's banging it, just shouldering it, so just keep out the zingers and bang the dingers." 

I genuinely have no idea what any of this meant, is it a TikTok thing?! Then I recognised the bowler who has got me twice before, bowled, one a first baller, so I knew what the narrative was supposed to be. He bowled a fast straight that hit top of off first ball, and there I was, golden duck, or GD as we are calling it this week. I console myself with the bat and ball having been in close proximity, if never quite troubling each other.

Nath went out and played well with Seth, before a chancy 2 found Seth short of his ground run out for a well made 36 at a prodigious strike rate. Holmes rolled out to join Nate, and the last over was a lot, 4 wides, some mental running, one dot ball and crucially the last ball of the innings went for an all run 4 courtesy of at least two terrible mis-fields that I can remember - and the wicket keeper, with Holmes 2 meters short and the ball in his gloves next to the stumps, somehow failed to remember what sport he was playing and what his role in that sport was a that precise moment. It was all a bit much.

The bowling, in the most, was actually pretty good, some of it excellent, and one of their fielders was insanely good, rapid in the outfield and with a strong arm. They took quite a lot of time on fielding changes, and honestly made the field quite confusing looking at times. They also had a fielder with mobility issues, and kept moving him to really-quite-likely-to-be-involved fielding positions, which helped push the total up. Cheers fellas.

I haven't checked the club library yet, but I'm fairly sure our previous highest was 183 against S-Tech, so this game brings a new club record for midweek.

It was still bloody hot.

We opened the bowling with Brett, and a theme of the night began to emerge early. He conceded a few runs then bowled one top of middle stumps, fast, but not deviating much. With a humungous total in prospect, batsman 2 had decided to swing for the hills and was bowled, then looked at the wicket as if it had done some demon magic and he'd been undone by the grass or ground. It hadn't, played true all night. Savage took the ball at the other end and bowled the next batsman leg stump, mainly as he took a guard two stumps outside off. He also looked incredulous, like taking that guard to a left arm over the wicket seamer was a sure fire safety first approach, and something voodoo like must have happened to the ball that bowled him. Fella, bad guard, bowled at stumps, you missed it ergo... out.

Brett continued and had our first mildly amusing, but still not cricket, cheat of the evening. A straight drive to Savage on the boundary, he fielded really well to keep it to 2, and tossed it back in. The square leg umpire just said, "well he hit the flag", asked Ben if he did, Ben said no (he's very honest), and the umpire said, "yes he did" and just signalled 4 anyway.... It felt like it was just them trying to find runs from anyone, including their own umpires, to get them close. In short, it felt a bit cheaty. Boo to that. Cheating incident number 1.

Watch out Ben, it's coming straight for you.

The banter in the field was good, Sawyer focussing on the Baby Guinness theme, and Holmes was resplendent wearing his finest inclusive LGBTQI pink hat. The "you hit the flag" theme then dominated the evening's banger. Baker bowled an eventful over, with Muzzah behind the stumps demonstrating his fine ability to take it down the legside when "frequently" required to do so.

Then entered Paul Cooper. We had 2 5-fors in our history prior to this week, after this spell we had one more that also doubled as our first 6-for. He started economic as always, and then got one that ended up in the keeper's gloves (I cannot recall if it was an edge or something else). A dot followed and then Paul bowled one more batsman middle of middle stump, and I think this guy also looked absolutely dumb-founded that he had swung at a straight ball, missed it and then it had somehow hit middle stump halfway up. Cooper then bowled to the next fella, he tickled one to square leg, and I took the kind offer to participate in the game, albeit briefly, by catching it. End of the over, so Paul's first ball of his next over would be a hat trick chance. Baker bowled a slightly tidier less leg side over to keep us waiting for the drama.

Then Paul is on the hat trick. The whole team duly came in, to field short. However, Paul knows how much jugs cost at the Red Bull nowadays, so let the guy hit a 4 off his first ball. Jug avoidance incident number 1.

At this point I remember vaguely Sawyer losing one over his shoulder, and screaming that he'd missed it as it was coming down (when he might still have made it). I had a chat about nicknames with him where he said how about Red Stripe as a new nickname, I turned it down as Red Stripe is not a nice beer, and Sawyer deserves better as he is a nice man. I was quite proud of that. Holmes did some excellent fielding, as did Felix, Savage, Seth and Nate. I tried doing commando rolls when fielding the ball just for the giggles. They were at 73/5 from 9 complete 8 ball overs.

The rate was climbing but they hadn't given up completely. When Nate switched in for Baker, then they had their chance. Nate didn't bowl particularly badly, but Vermula was on it, pulling to square, walloping to cow and he had those bloodshot scary eyes of a man who was locked in like Maverick in Top Gun, or someone who had taken some illicit substances recently.

Holmes took over from Cooper, and was wayward for his first ball, but he found his range and bowled one of their fellas, leg ish side, and this was yet another batsman who looked quite confused that a straight ball bowled at his stumps that he missed, would then hit them. Witchcraft. Nate's next over was exciting, again, pitching him in a one sided battle versus Vermula again, who hit one monster six in particular. Holmes' next over he gave Vermula some wayward bowling and the bat cashed in, racing to his 50. I dropped him mind, a slightly tough chance as I had to run round the unhelpful square leg umpire to try and get it. There was controversial incident here as the set batsman ran 2 in the 13th over and was clearly a long, long way out of his ground, but the same square leg umpire did not give it. At this point they needed 60 from about 20 balls so it was going to make literally no difference, but they didn't give it anyway. I say boo. Cheating incident number 2.

Sav took the second to last over, and with 55 needed from 16 it was all but settled. The batsman who was not Vermula was the man of the flag incident, and accordingly every appeal, shout, comment or otherwise, including an LBW appeal was followed by a comment of "he touched the flag". He was eventually run out pushing hard in a lost cause and had to return to the boundary to find what a flag actually looked like. 

The fielding for this was really quite something; it moved Liam to emotion. Running for 2 the flag guy was maybe 1 meter short of his ground when the ball got to Benjy about two feet from the stumps. He had 1 stump to aim at, but could have trotted in and removed them with ease, but instead he chose to throw the stumps down in a combined act of contempt, disgust and revenge. Jake almost had a heart attack and said, "what are you doing!". Ben seemed pleased with having given into the emotion of the moment. He doesn't like cheating.

Last over duties fell to Mr Cooper and it was a lot. We were tired and hot and wanted pizza, but it was probably too late for pizza and he still wanted to keep us entertained.4 balls of moderate things happened. He then bowled their star batsman (giving a gutsy roar to celebrate), I think it was middle and off. He then got one LBW with the largest appeal I've ever seen from a man in his mid 40's playing midweek cricket. It was definitely out and the umpire was moved; possibly by his team having cheated before. Hat trick chance number 2. Paul bowled a dot of course, but then got the same man with the last ball of the innings LBW, again, big appeal, plum as pudding and the umpire had the good grace to give it leaving Paul with 6 wickets for the first time ever in a Jags match, but also a carefully crafted jug avoidance incident number 2 combined with MOTM number 2.

The vibes this week were absolutely mega, pink hats, flag chat, Sawyer doing Sawyer things all evening long, even the young ones got in on it. Telugu TAC brought a throng of spectators, and were a strong team, nice to play, a little bit of minor cheating, but in the end they finished with good grace. Cooper setting a new club record was a high spot. It was just absolutely everything you want as an organiser. If anyone involved didn't enjoy their evening, then they need serious professional help.

It was late and I had to drive two lads and 4 bags home, and the suspension on my car shall never be the same again, and given the lack of pizzas, it was Sawyer and Savage date night at the pub only - which felt like a shame given the result. On many a night this would have seen all XI fit and present and chatting away.

Back to the Beach

Waterbeach 156/4 (Mallesh 73, Kumar 23, Brett 2-13) beat Jags 138/8 (Muzzah 54, Meldal 26, O Savage 21, Chandreasekhar 2-7) by 18 runs.

MOTM - Muzzah

Freddie Meldal took captaincy duties in the absence of Captain Fantastic Parrish. We played at Waterbeach and it was quite a funny start as the opposition needed to literally paint the white lines on the crease before we could play. They also set quite a short boundary.

Meldal won the toss and elected to bowl - and it was at this moment I realised my crucial mistake in letting him captain... 

Brett and new boy Yash got us going and it was tight stuff at the start. I'm writing this too far in the future from the game, so struggling to remember it all, but I recall some perfectly adequate fielding early on, low scoring at the immediate start and Ollie Savage behind the stumps not Muzzah. 

Cooper bowled well, bowling one top of middle I think. Their opener stuck around. Baker did some bad fielding, as did Freddie, and the not moving around award went to Phillips who missed one about two feet behind him high. Savage was solid behind the stumps, earning praise from Muzzah and we started to concede a lot of runs. 

Their batting picked up and our fielding was just so so casual. Freddie got one caught by Sawyer - he of the blonder hair and new nickname of baby Guinness, or Guinness - take your pick. Brett got one and there was a lot of really terrible fielding. Muzzah bowled and they scored too many for a ropey pitch.

Where Freddie thought he was for most of the game.

Freddie and Muz opened and started really rapidly and quite well. 

Freddie broke his bat, it was more tape than bat to be honest (I'll post a picture later), and was then out caught in the deep with the new bat. Muzzah continued to set the pace, Baby Guinness joined him for a bit and then chipped one with a leading edge that he possibly shouldn't have. Phillips hung around for a bit before chipping one high to the off side. Felix was in for a bit before falling LBW in front of his stumps.

I was there for a tiny bit before Freddie as umpire gave me out LBW to one that hit my belly button and was going a foot or so over the stumps. He also overruled his own square leg umpire... Hmmmm. When I got back to the boundary everyone said that was terrible including two 14 year girls on an electric scooter.

Ollie and Muzzah pulled a partnership together, we were well behind the rate and Ollie was bowled. George did some funny stuff, as he does and Muzzah reverse swept/pulled a 4 - got 50 and was out therefore. Cooper hit a nice 2 first ball and we then finished well short.

Because we conceded too many runs.

Meldal is off on holiday next week so we will have good weather and sensible captaincy.

Sharkey and George

Jags 163/4 (Brolia 29*, Barker 28*, Mann 25*, Phillips 25*, Brett 17 Smith 16-2) beat Sharks 47/10 (Carson 11, Morgan 4-5, Brett 3-1) by 116 Runs

MOTM - Barker + Morgan

I wasn't at this game so it's hard for me to tell what exactly happened, but piecing together the scorecard and the text messages I can tell you this.

Jags won and batted and some old time Jags were in the with Phillips and Ant starting. 

They were dropped a lot, CUP is a terrible strip, banter was medium level both retired taking advantage of some generous fielding. 

Mann came in and nurdled a lot, staying in. Barker joined him and hit 28 runs from 8 balls. You read that right. Boom Boom Barker. 4 6's and general walloping.

Both retired and no one other than Brett got going, but having said that they don't need to on a dirty track like that.

The Crimebusters of the Sea!

Phillips took the gloves behind the stumps, Threadgold did captaincy duties, Ant decided to video or livestream most of the game. This seems to have not gone down well with the oppo.

Ollie Savage got one caught by Boom Boom, Brett bowled one (I'll say top of off), Phillips caught one from Brett and Brett bowled another. Nate got one caught by Brolia - probably in slip.

Ant was wearing socks and flip flops and I think he and Phillips engaged in their normal banter levels.

P Cooper bowled one, then P Morgan remembered how to bowl and got one caught by Dan, one caught by Steve and two just plain bowled.

The Sharks skipper was less than impressed and the fell some way short as you can see above.

I had assurances from some of those named that we weren't out of line, but slip cam plus constant banter is sub-optimal - and their skipper was fuming at the spirit of cricket.

Still - 4 openers retiring and Piers showing off some mad bowling, plus Steve Mann hitting 25* are things I would have loved to have seen.

We're so back, baby!

Jags 105/4 (Fardell 26*, Morgan 26*, Purton 17, Maddala 3-23) beat CUP 104/7 (D'Silva, 33*, Slack 23, Purton 4-15) by 6 wickets

MOTM - Purton

So, after a long winter, cricket is finally upon us once more. The day was more autumnal than the sporting endeavour suggested, and I had the usual pre-game enquiries suggesting it was damp and cold and surely we weren't going to be playing tonight. Surely. As ever, the MET office report won over more negative sources of meteorological prediction, and we had a game on.

The game is on till it's off, evening cricket is a Schrodinger's sport when it comes to weather.

Early May so a shortened format was in the offing and our game was against CUP at the CASS Centre, a ground with a lovely pavilion and an absolute ploughed field of a pitch normally. It was however available and free, so we there we played. 

I also had forgotten the pre-game joy of people telling each other on WhatsApp that there is traffic in Cambridge. Knock me down with a feather and call me Susan - traffic; shit; in Cambridge; during rush hour?! Heaven's to Betsy, whatever next. Green Grass? Blue Sky? 

We lost the toss and took the field, early rust was evident but we were greeted by two founder Jags, in Piers Morgan (resplendent in partially Norwich coloured brand new kit) and Steve Mann making his annual slip appearance. Rust was evident in both the fielding (Mark, Dan, Baker, I'm looking at you) and in the attempts at banter (mainly me here...). We had agreed a 15 8 ball format, but this morphed into 18 6 balls owing to a breakdown in communication between the umpires and the skipper and the scorers. I've never encountered a change of format mid game before. There was also no scoreboard, which is just odd as you never know how well or badly you are doing. Also, the scorers were not very good at the actual scoring, so whilst I'm comfortable in my head with what happened, it isn't 100% reflected in the scorebook.

CUP opened with the well known and highly cultured D'Silva. Brett got us going, conceding a nicely hit 4 first ball. Barker took the other duty, and bowled pretty well for a man who spent part of the year in Mordor, but also conceded a nicely hit 4 at one point. It continued in this vein for each of the first 3 overs. I tried some banter attempts, the only one that sort of landed was a comment about how CUP had spent loads of money on everything other than the pitch and scoreboard, which made me and possibly one other person laugh. Over 4 bought the first breakthrough with Barker bowling one opener top 3/4's of off. Brett came in for some more D'Silva tap the next over, and the new batsman for CUP was very very very cautious - blocking his stumps and defending each ball like he was Sanka in Cool Runnings protecting his egg.

A movie from simpler and nicer times

Mailes bowled nicely and then D'Silva retired with a 4 and then a 6 from Brett, who had done his best sacrificial job for the team. The game settled into a pattern of low gently scoring, not scoring, and rubbish fielding. Matt was doing ok behind the stumps, Dan fumbled a couple in the field, Baker didn't pick up a high one, but it all felt very early season what-the-heck-is-this-sport.

Purton replaced Mailes and Cooper replaced Barker I think, and Cooper livened things up by going for 4 and 6 in his first two balls, before getting his lines back and bowling much better the rest of the over the one that followed. Purton was looking on dynamite form with the ball, and the pitch such as it was allowed a bit of rag. I kept chirping and at one point Dan told me to put a sock in it, which advice, dear reader, I did not follow.

Purton eventually tempted the CUP skipper out with some good length variation and Parrish completed the stumping. At some point he did exactly the same to another batsman, but it has not made it into the Playcricket app - so my only evidence that it happened was that I was there and I saw it with my eyes. Purton and Parrish were a dynamic duo of spin and stump. Could be a weird name for band that, Spin and Stump. Mann did some fine work in the ring, there was some Baker/cake related chat that didn't quite land, and it got progressively darker.

Cooper got a wicket with a bowled to the man who had taken 32 balls to get 6 runs (eek), bowling him off his pads I think for a strike rate of 18.75.... He'd got his lines back, and he'd technically got a wicket, so that's a result we're all fine with. Purton got one bowled, I can't remember the specifics but the zinger bails were dislodged and flashed a bit, and then next ball got a caught and bowled, pitched straight back to him to finish on 4 wickets (3 in play cricket and 4 in real life) for a really quite something of a start to his Jags season. P Morgan bowled an over that is really not properly recorded in the book, but it definitely featured some loose balls and then some better ones. Barker finished us off bowling one, then sort of bowling the other but the bails didn't come off (so not out) then joining the dots to finish things. 

104-7, hard to tell exactly whether this was par. It was getting chilly and dark so we just got on with it. The pink ball was less a ball and more an ovoid at this point. Mailes and Purton opened the batting, an excellent start it must be said. I recall some good hustling running, Purton creaming a legside 4, and we got to over 5 for 34 runs. Mailes had hit some lovely 4's here and hereabouts, and we were perfectly on the rate. Purton's last contribution was a lovely straight hit 4, before he fell next ball to the left arm off spinner, bowled. Then a bit of early season hilarity.

Threadgold went out muttering about facing spinners first up in his season, all the way out, took a tentative looking guard and deep in his crease was bowled by the exact same ball that had got Toby. George Baker then wandered out silently, nervously, took guard deep deep in his crease, went back to the ball, and was bowled. By the exact same ball that the previous two gents had gone to. So it was my turn. The post hat trick ball (a hat trick that was barely celebrated by the way), I just reached forward and kept the next two out - per Liam's hastily offered coaching as I walked past him as umpire. I got going with an edge/late cut to fine leg. I was then out next ball to a no ball (which also hasn't made the book), caught wonderfully at point. I had a life! 

Did I use it, did I ever. Next ball I clubbed into the ring on the offside and set Chris off on a suicidal single that he didn't make. The fielding was good, but it wasn't my call and it was silly biscuits on my part. I apologised profusely, but no doubt Mailes will be throwing darts at my face at home this evening.

Piers and I then took a bit of time to reset, some quiet overs and it looked like the rate was going to be a problem. I eschewed a helmet for reasons that are hitherto unclear to even me at this point. Piers had his great little Norwich coloured spikes on, and mainly used them to stay stuck solidly in his crease. Eventually he got going, with a couple of lusty 4's, one to the off side if I recall. We were a spot behind the rate, so started pushing the singles a bit. Over 13 I finally found my range, thanks to some generous bowling, and hit three 4's, including clubbing one straight to a lady fielder causing her some mild injury as it deflected off her and out. 

Seeing my actually hitting the ball with the wooden thing in my hands inspired Piers to do more of the same, and we actually accelerated after a very slow patch. I even manged to hit the left arm spinner, he of the hat trick straight back over his head for 4, Purton style. In the end we cantered home with a couple of overs to spare - but with this scorebook who knows what actually happened.

The pitch was a bit of a mess, the odd one keeping low the odd one bouncing up (Purton managed to hit one guy on the helmet with a bouncer), but it was really quite nice getting a Jags a la 2013 partnership going with Piers.

The pavilion is cheap, so we had our drinks there and chatted about AI, and how we're all doomed and should all take up a trade. I apologised to Chris some more and Mann bought us drinks.

I should add as well that I smelt like a bottle of deep heat for the entire game as a freezing muscle spray had gone off in my bag and made my kit soggy and chemical smelling as well. It may me feel a little high, perhaps that explains the batting!

Next week, the Leys School. One of the nicest things that happens on any day of the year other than possible Christmas.