Jagex Swindled By Aveva Wide Boy

On an evening where suntans were made, Jagex faced Aveva for the second time this season, hoping to replicate their previous victory - albeit without the apocalyptic storms that accompanied that win.

The toss was won by Fardell, and Jagex elected to bat and make hay whilst the sun shined. The batting was opened by a rejuvenated Fardell who proceeded to face two jaffas first up, the second of which he edged behind and gallantly walked before the umpire could awaken from his slumber. Chapeau.

Colledge, quietly accumulating, was joined by P Morgan. The opening bowlers for Aveva were extracting quite a significant amount of movement which ultimately did for Piers, with Richards snaffling his second catch. Justin, having elected to be the new KP at number four, joined Colledge for a partnership of over forty runs to set up the charge of the light not-so-light brigade further down the order. Given Justin’s recently injury at the Jagex Summer Mash Up, this could be his last significant participation for the season. Rule 1: never go on a ride with Neil McClarty. Colledge, Mr Consistency, brought up another 25 for the season.

Smith then emerged, hoping to notch up a Bradman-esque score. Unfortunately he fell to his nemesis, the wide one outside leg, and was bowled off his pads. Amoraal struck a few hefty blows, with some great noises, but unfortunately was bowled by a special one that hit middle half-way up.

A partnership then formed between Atkinson and Tween. Atkinson’s excellent scoring on the leg side and Tween’s unorthodox ‘stepping away and slapping down the ground’ bewitched the Aveva bowlers, as runs were plundered in the field. Tween then reached his twenty-five, which was remarkable and unlikely to be seen again before the next solar eclipse. However, not to be outdone, Atkinson brought up his retirement with a smashed six, leaving three men in the hutch retired on 25.

Some lusty hitting then occurred, included a lovely pirouette by Neil McClarty. Tony Hawk couldn’t perform a 360 like that. In the end, Jagex had set a fine 132 to win, exceptional considering that the score was 9-2 from four overs, and 23-2 from seven. 

Aveva set off well in reply, reaching 26 without loss after three overs. Fortunately Morgan (P) found his range, and proceeded to Pradeep with a filthy delivery. Jagex chipped away with some excellent banter, but unfortunately the chances weren’t taken. Justin was a magnet in the field. Unfortunately both he and the ball were set to repel, dropping a couple of catches. Fortunately he redeemed himself with the dismissal of Shashank for 20.

Jagex started to turn the screw. Jon Lee unleashed his mystery ball first up. The ball set off on an incredible arc, shooting high in the air, looking like a certain no-ball. Fortunately Jon has mastered many of the laws of physics, and the ball dipped at the last minute, hitting the stumps a few inches above the ground. The batsman’s face was a picture.

Running between the wickets started to get panicked. One batsman ran so hard for a single that he threw his bat and did a forward roll. Points definitely lost for showing us some builder’s bum afterwards. Mike Howe then unleashed a roar not seen since the Lion King when an LBW decision was turned down. Don’t worry Mike, it was close, just breathe.

Amoraal and Atkinson bowled well, bringing the game back to Jagex. Atkinson finished with figures of 0-24, and Amoraal finished with 1-14. Consistent with other games, Amoraal’s Fourth Over Syndrome is never reported in match figures.

And then the game was ruined. With a reasonable target and a tight finish brewing, one of the Aveva umpires clearly started to suffer from a bad back, and had to stretch out his arms. The problem clearly increased as the final few overs concluded, and reached a point towards the end when he was virtually stuck in the crucifix position. Fortunately his complete idiocy was not lost on his team-mates, who were very embarrassed when he called ‘wide’ for Aveva to win the match. For the record, the ball was bowled at leg stump (inside the pads), the batsman stepped out to hit to leg, and missed. It was an inch from bowling him. What a [insert expletive].

An embarrassing end to the game blighted a sterling Jagex performance and recovery. And, at the very least, it was nice and sunny.

Credit to N Tween for this match report

Jagex Beat AVEVA (not AVIVA)...

 Jagex 113-5 (P Morgan 25*, L Brett 27*, Simon 2-11) beat AVEVA 106-9 (Anish 18, Amoraal 3-18, Brett 2-20) by 7 runs.

Jagex narrowly beat AVEVA in a game which was largely overshadowed by the apocalyptic weather which closed in late on. Jagex won the toss (AGAIN!) and opted to bat. Colledge and Jones opened, but sadly neither got going, with Colledge bowled in the first over, and Jones bowled shortly thereafter, both by the same bowler. P Morgan and debutant L Brett then came together. Brett is another find from player support, and what a find he was, hitting Jagex’s first ever 6 over long on. P Morgan, was obviously spurred into action by the prospect of there being a better player to arise from player support than he, and started pulling out the big shots. In truth, you couldn’t describe his as a chanceless innings, as he was dropped and almost run out on three separate occasions.

In any event, both retired after a decent stand which put Jagex on track for a reasonable total. Brett’s innings was full of the sort of cultured shots one might be more likely to see in weekend cricket, like you’d see in the 118 118 adverts. Their retirement saw Atkinson make his first game of the season, and McClarty come in. Atkinson was unfortunately bowled on 2 trying to go for a big shot. Neil McClarty’s demise on 0 was, well, hilarious. Cooper was umpiring, McClarty was caught in his crease, and a ball thumped into Neil’s (ahem) delicate area. Cooper hesitated for, oooh, 2 seconds, before raising his finger for the LBW. McClarty was incredulous, and hobbled off slowly, obviously in considerable pain.

J Edwards came in, saw we were behind the rate, and started biffing shots. He had Amoraal for company briefly, and then he had Howe for company for a little longer. The later pair helped claw Jagex past 100 and to a competitive total of 113, given the conditions.

Jones acted as replacement wicketkeeper for the absent Tween, and Jagex opened the bowling with Atkinson and Cooper. Both openers started at a pace, so Brett came in for Cooper after two overs. This helped arrest the rate and bring the wickets in. Howe, who had earlier dropped a tough chance at deep midwicket, made a brilliant catch on the run from Brett’s bowling. Atkinson dispatched the other opener, and was bowling brilliantly during a very tight economic spell. Brett also bowled well, and thoroughly deserved his two wickets. Willem Amoraal came into the attack and continued the prudish economy rate.

The weather was looking very, very grim at this point, with a bank of cloud descending over the ground that could well have been hiding one of the ships from Independence Day. Then it started to rain. First, it only rained on Nick Cooper on the deep cover boundary. Then it rained a little on everyone, but still mainly on Nick.

AVEVA gamely carried on, and wickets tumbled, most of them caught, including a decent catch from Edwards. Edwards and Jones then combined to effect a comedy run out. Edwards fumbled, the batsmen ran, Edwards fumbled again, the batsmen continued to run, then stopped in the middle of the strip. Edwards then sent a feeble throw nowhere near Jones. Jones dived the collect whilst the batsmen stood in the middle of the strip, wondering what to do or indeed what sport they were playing. Jones then broke the bails, and one batsmen trudged off. I’m still mystified as to how they mucked it up so royally.

Willem’s last over, in keeping with the weather, was hilarious. Having bowled 3 overs conceded 6 runs and taken 3 wickets, he then bowled one hilarious final over in which he conceded 12 runs, most of them without troubling the batsmen with a ball they could hit. Edwards helped finish things off in the rain, and whilst the last two AVEVA batsmen came surprisingly close, the result was relatively secure, despite what the scoreboard records. The weather in the last two overs was not cricket conducive, to say the least. Glad we batted first.

Jagex Mauled by Sharks

Sharks 132-4 (Connors 25*, Woodward 23*, S Morgan 2-20) beat Jagex 131-6 (Fardell 27*, P Morgan 27*) by 6 wickets

Jagex lost to Sharks again this year, but the game was much tighter than last year. We won the toss (which, I think, is the real victory we all wanted). Jones opened the batting with guest player Eddie Ashfield. They put on a couple before a Charlie Chaplin style mixup resulted in the guest departing on 3. Jones’ second run out in two weeks.... This brought Jones and Lamble together again, keen to repeat their heroics of previous weeks. Lamble hit a lovely 4, but unfortunately then chipped a catch to the backwards point fielder.

Colledge and Jones manage to put together a decent partnership, before Colledge was caught out. This welcomed Piers Morgan to the crease, and wonderful return to batting form. He combined a lovely pull, an offside drive and a whallop through midwicket with some excellent nurdling. When Jones fell, he found a willing runner in Oliver Smith, and the pair combined to put a couple of bowlers to the sword. Despite this, Jagex were still a little behind the run rate we might have expected given the conditions. Oliver Smith departed and Jon Lee helped keep things moving until Piers retired.

Fardell walked to the crease with only just over four overs remaining. He had clearly eaten his Ready Brek™ before this fixture, as technique was set aside in favour of good old fashioned lower order biffing. 27 runs came up in what the scorebook indicates was 12 balls. Runners J Lee and Matt Biss pushed hard to help keep the score ticking along for Fardell, with the former losing his wicket pushing for a tight second. I hope Tino Best was watching. Biss and Morgan saw out the remainder of the innings, adding a handy 10 runs in the last over.

Jagex finished on a respectable 131-6, when it looked like 110 was beyond them with 4 overs to go. Jagex opened the bowling with Lamble and Morgan. Morgan managed to extract an opener early on with a peach into the top of middle stump. Lamble was wicketless but economic in a four over spell. The Sharks number 2 and 3 did really well for a good period, taking a bit of a shine to Fardell in particular (hitting one massive 6). S Morgan replaced Lamble, and bowled an absolute spanking set of overs, including bowling one well set batsmen, and inducing an edge behind for the second week in a row.

All of Fardell, Biss and Lee had a twirl with the arm, and all were smashed about the place. Some top quality fielding from  a few Jagexians, including Piers, Biss and Lamble helped try and slow the carnage. Sharks were well ahead of the rate, and Jagex didn’t have any form bowlers left in the tank. Despite this, two Sharks batsmen had a right falling out towards the end of the chase. It’s a good thing that they were 22 yards apart at most times.

It all got a bit too much for Fardell at the end, as Sharks closed in he managed to misfield a simple chance, and then threw his hat and glasses on the floor in disgust. Sharks claims the victory with 10 balls to spare.

Jagex Demolish Sheds

Jagex 129-4 (Jones 25*, Lamble 25*, Hanglin 2-17) beat Eversheds 118 (Hanglin 50, Luton 17, Cooper 2-10, Lamble 2-20) by 11 runs.

In a closely fought game, which was rather dominated by the all round performance of Eversheds’ star man, Jagex recorded their first win of the season in tense fashion. Fardell won a toss, for the first time since early June 2011, and put Jagex into bat. A tense first over saw Fardell miss a couple of swipes, before a streaky 4 and a less streaky 2 got Jagex underway.

Jones walloped the first ball he faced to backward point and called for a quick single. Fardell then demonstrated why he is not going to be challenging Usain Bolt for the title of, “World’s Fastest Man Who Loves KFC” at this summer’s Olympics, being run out for 6. It turned out to be a tactical run out by Jones, as he and Lamble took the bowling of Eversheds to the sword, in a strong opening stand. The odd streaky edge apart, the batsmen never looked troubled, and both retired with 25 apiece. Jones hit some lovely offside shots through extra cover, and Lamble was strong through midwicket. P Morgan came in for a spell, and managed to clip a very nice four through square leg. Unfortunately he was caught in his crease to a straight one a few balls later and was bowled by the irrepressible Hanglin.

Colin Ramsay then strolled in for his first ever game of cricket in all formats, using some, ahem, borrowed protective equipment. He managed a cheeky 2 to get off the mark. He then chipped a ball up in the air to the fielder at square leg, who managed to make an absolute pigs’ ear of attempting to catch it, leaving the batsmen to scamper a single. Colin clearly saw this as a decent tactic for scoring runs, as he chipped another into the air straight to a fielder a couple of balls later, again the fielder dropped it and again Colin scampered a single. All these years of playing I’ve been trying to avoid hitting to fielders – I’ve clearly been doing it all wrong...

Howe, another player on debut, and one who adds to our overseas contingent, came in, and sadly fell for a duck. Colin joined him back in the hutch shortly thereafter. Cooper and S Morgan were left to finish the Jagex innings, with Jagex having got a little bogged down in the middle. Both really accelerated towards the end, with S Morgan clipping a lovely four backward of square, and Cooper absolutely middling two straight driven fours. One of these had the umpire (yours truly) jump in the air and do the splits. Both finished not out, on 17 and 12 respectively, with Jagex posting a handsome total of 129-4 thanks to the late acceleration. S Morgan will have been particularly pleased to avoid a third straight trip to the duck pond, via duck lane.

The opening attack of Lee and Lamble, aside from the lovely alliterative qualities it affords this match report, bowled a solid and probing attack. Lamble in particular was bowling in excellent form. The economy rate really tied down the batsmen, and Eversheds’ innings, forcing the batsmen into some rash shots. Whilst Lee remains wicketless, he was very economic and was unlucky to see one catch shelled off his bowling, and Lamble twice did batsmen with the well disguised slower balls, to finish 4-0-20-2.

S Morgan replaced Lamble and P Moran replaced Lee. Piers bowled imperiously again, extracting movement and verve. S Morgan, using the wind, was bowling well. Sadly, though, both had to face the cricketing animal, known around Cambridge, that is Hanglin. Whilst wickets tumbled around him, he managed to bash, bludgeon and biff his way to 30 runs, including two quite brutal legside sixes off S Morgan’s bowling. Bam Bam would have been proud of the smashfest that briefly ensued. I don’t know if it helps, Steve, but he’s playing at the MCC this weekend.

Despite this acceleration, there was some really top notch fielding in the middle few overs. Fardell didn’t quite lead the way when he dug a hole with his knee in the outfield. Lee did though, with a couple of great stops, including one covering for P Morgan. Oliver Smith also distinguished himself a couple of times at point, and late in the game Howe made a great stop at long off to save a boundary.

P Morgan managed to use the age old tactic of bowlers up and down the land, bowling 5 good ones, for no wicket, and then securing a wicket, twice in consecutive overs no less, with the last ball of his over. In each case, the last ball was the worst dross he had bowled, tempting the batsmen into risky strokes, and exposing the furniture.

Howe came in to bowl a couple, and despite having not played in ages, really bowled quite well, the odd loose one aside. S Morgan was finally rewarded for having to bowl at a semi-pro. He tied one of the batsmen in knots for a few balls. Kris Jones then chirped in with a ‘you’ll get him next ball Steve’. He was exactly right, in one of the most timely pieces of sledging ever, as the batsmen feathered behind to the watchful Tween. Doc wants his DeLorean back, Kris.

With Eversheds a player short and 7 down, Hanglin came back in. Fardell turned to Cooper and Lee to try and tie him down. Coops bowled as well as he had the week before, keeping his first over to 2 runs and a wicket. Lee was faced with the unenviable task of bowling to the Eversheds man, and did well to concede only 10.

Eversheds needed 19 to draw from the last over. Coops stepped up. First ball, a great save by Lee for 2, was unfortunately turned into 4 by a spot of generous fielding. Clearly we wanted to make this dramatic. A cheeky 2 followed, as did another cheeky 2. 11 needed from three balls, the field spread, and Hanglin tried to go straight over the top. Fardell hobbled in and held a tough chance over his head, to leave Hanglin with 50. With Eversheds’ finishing on 118 all out, Jagex prevailed by 11 runs.

This performance, despite all the Transformers chaps having spent a team building day in the sun, and having had the odd cheeky shandy, before playing cricket. Jones put in his performances of the season, and I would have been able to say the same of Cooper, had he not bowled so well last week. Clearly liquid refreshment before the game is better than after the game – I’ll stock up for next week.

A word on my own sledging. The oppo this  week, and rather a lot of my own team, thought my sledging was rather suspect. My early sledge, 7 balls into their chase, of, “look chaps, they’re getting tired already” didn’t get the laughs I had expected. Later on the, “get him a rod and some worms, coz he’s going fishing”, didn’t get much of a titter either. I personally was rather proud of my description of a great Howe dot ball as being “the old Gold Coast ball”. He’s Australian, geddit? Obviously not, as the response was – “what on earth is that supposed to mean”. Next week chaps, I challenge someone, anyone, to sledge effectively, or at least better than I (or the absent Jamy) can manage.

Jagex Crunched in Numbers Game

Deloitte 125-6 (Murphy 28*, Shahid 18, N Cooper 4-24, S Morgan 2-11) beat Jagex 100-9 (Colledge 29*, P Morgan 17, Pearson 2-22) by 25 runs

Jagex fell again, respectably short of a relatively gettable target, playing against Deloitte at St Catherines. Deloitte won the toss, with the Jagex fixtures secretary Fardell losing his 10^th consecutive toss in two seasons. Deloitte chose to bat in pleasant looking conditions. The opening batsmen looked very solid, and technical, against the bowling pair of P Morgan (welcome back, Piers!) and Amoraal. Scoring was initially very quick, with the rate threatening to get away from Jagex early on. 5 overs in the signs were ominous, and Deloitte would have been confident of putting 160 plus on the board. Tween helped keep the extras down, and managed a commendable one bye in the whole innings, especially impressive given that some of the bowling was, well, a little on the wayward side. He also hurt his thumb. Diddums.

Amoraal stayed on for his full spell, but wasn’t rewarded with a wicket. S Morgan then entered to bowling attack to replace P Morgan, and what an inspired change it proved to be. Steve bowled imperiously, having shaken off the cobwebs from the previous week. One opener retired, and S Morgan then tied down the other two batsmen. He bowled the remaining opener with an absolute peach, dismissed another for a duck and had quite incredible economy figures of 4 overs, 11 runs conceded and 2 wickets. Fardell came on for a short spell, but didn’t trouble the batsmen with his comedy skipping action.

Lee and Cooper then paired in the bowling at either end. Cooper was the evening’s other standout bowler, consistent line and length coupled with mystery spin proved the undoing of four batsmen in total. One of Cooper’s wickets was partially down to Fardell. The batsman took a step, and middled a thump to deep midwicket. Fardell, leaping like Nacho Libre executing a finishing move, pouched one high to his right. The ball stuck, Jagex cheered, the batsman was incredulous that he was caught to such a good shot. My hand is still hurting as I type this report. The catch spurred Cooper on to further bowling feats of impressiveness, with three batsmen bowled, and one memorable ball turning so much it missed the bat, pad and furniture, and was only just stopped by chirpmeister general Tween behind the stumps.

Deloitte made a concerted effort to target the shorter looking boundary near the tennis courts. I say shorter, as Amoraal was stationed out there for much of the game, and assured us afterwards that it was actually a deceptively long boundary. That might explain the odd four that snuck through, eh Willem? Justin ‘Juzzy’ Edwards came on for one good over at the death, and Deloitte muddled along, but never really accelerated at the end, and finished with a reasonable, but probably gettable total of 125, with Mr Extras down to 18 this week.

Jagex opened again with the untried and untested pair of Jones and Fardell. Fardell did his best Pietersen impression, and got off strike first ball. Jones was then bowled a few balls later by a peach of a delivery. Colledge took up where he left off last week, looking cultured and controlled, with one cover drive, not only looking textbook and being an early contender for shot of the season, but also, well, it was a cover drive. We’re only used to seeing those on telly. Fardell scratched around for 7 before being bowled by the delivery that troubles terrible batsmen up and down the land, the medium paced straight full one on the stumps. Jagex were well behind the rate at this point.

P Morgan and Colledge then came together to create the first partnership of the season, with some slogs being intermingled with decent cricketing shots. With both at the crease things looked hopeful. Sadly Piers skied one, and was caught at deep midwicket. Colledge then retired in hilarious fashion, running five courtesy of some comedic fielding. After that, no-one stuck around to build a partnership. Edwards did his best in failing light, but never really got going. McClarty was sadly run out to a piece of top notch glove-work behind the stumps. Willem looked ok for a spell – although he did managed to hit his own knee with the bat, and wasn’t that keen on cheeky singles – before being bowled by an excellent delivery. S Morgan came to the crease and avoided a golden duck first ball, but secured a regular duck next ball.

Tween strolled out to the crease to join Cooper shortly thereafter. Tween, being ex Deloitte, was roundly greeted on his arrival. He survived the first few balls courtesy of some Eoin Morgan style knee bending and twitching, before stepping out and smacking one for four through midwicket. Sadly he too was run out, attempting an ambitious single, but again only because of a piece of excellent glove-work from his opposite number. Cooper was bowled, leaving Lee and the returning Colledge to finish the innings. Jagex hadn’t really been in the chase since about the 10^th over, with wickets tumbling and no real partnerships, we were always behind the rate. I can genuinely say, I can’t remember a rubbish bowler, or indeed a loose over, from any of the five Deloitte bowlers. It’s very rare to see such consistency. Also, Colledge’s early season average of 50 is possibly a company record.

So a brilliant bowling and fielding performance, including a commendable bowling recovery, wasn’t quite matched by the batting. Deloitte put on some beer and Sainsbury’s sarnies and we were left to rue another defeat in the failing light. One thing we were all looking forward to was the inevitable Jamy Nigri reply to all email, which manages to bring cheer to even the hardest of hearts.

A special word this week, on Jagex’s cheerleaders. Mrs Morgan, and Mrs Amoraal. Both turned up to cheer their chaps on and Mrs Morgan in particular seems to have inspired her man to a spiffing bowling performance. We shall have to invite them along again.

Jagex Fall Respectably Short in Chase Against Bidwells

Bidwells 152-6 (Scott 25*, Stanton 26*, Edwards 2-32) beat Jagex 122-5 by 30 runs (Lee 25*, Colledge 21)

Jagex fell 30 runs short of an imposing 152 target chase, playing against Bidwells at Kings & Selwyn. Personally I’m just delighted we managed to avoid the 104 run spanking of last year. We were also very lucky to get a game, given the weather. Conditions very much favoured slow loopy bowling.

Edwards opened the bowling, and was expensive, but also managed to claim a wicket in a two over spell. Willem Amoraal, making his Jagex debut opened at the other end, and was very tidy, taking one wicket and managing an excellent economy rate. Morgan, arriving late, and not really dressed for the occasion, was a little wayward to start with in his bowling. He did manage to make an excellent over the shoulder catch, and also took a wicket, but he was clearly disappointed he didn’t live up to his high standards.

Shortly after his bowling spell, Amoraal was pushed out to the boundary at square. He then managed one of the most incredible pieces of mis-fielding ever seen, stopping a possible boundary, before falling and throwing the ball behind him for 4, all in one less-than-fluid motion. Tween was chirping behind the stumps as always, also sporting the hat for which he is famed. Broadbridge then came on to twirl the arm a bit, showing off the ability to turn the ball. Lee also bowled a spell.

The middle overs saw the strong Bidwells batting line-up accelerate a bit. Fardell brought himself on for one over to slow things down dramatically, taking a wicket before rolling out of the attack. Colledge also bowled two excellent overs, taking a wicket. Unfortunately he was taken to the sword a bit in his third over of the spell.

A decent end from Edwards and Amoraal helped Jagex keep scoring down in the final overs and take one more wicket, leaving Bidwells at 152. Mr Extras was comfortably the top scorer, with 30 to his name.

The Jagex chase started well. The Bidwells opening bowler was very accurate and consistent. This didn’t stop Jones dancing out of his crease to take him on, smacking a lovely drive through midwicket in the first over. Fardell scored an early boundary, but then played on next ball. Colledge, on debut, looked composed at the crease. Some absolutely lovely shots (including one straight drive for four back over the bowler’s head) were backed by some generosity from the fielders. Jones played nicely for his 15, but unfortunately chipped a slow one back to the bowler. Lee came in, elevated to 4 in the batting lineup. He looked nuggety and solid, eventually retiring not out.

Sadly a mix-up between Lee and Colledge saw the latter run out, with Colledge just short of retiring. Edwards then came in for a cameo of 14. He hit some lovely crunching boundaries, before falling to a catch behind. At this point, Jagex were well behind the required rate, and the Bidwell’s bowlers managed to really tie things down. Smith made a few runs, showing off some of his cultured technique from the nets, although he got lucky once when the point fielder fell asleep. S. Morgan was required to come in and bat at 7. He was thoroughly wound up by the assembled Jagex masses, to come out and swing hard at the first ball. He did as requested. Sadly, he didn’t connect and was bowled. Golden duck. Ah well.

McClarty finished the innings off with lovely leg-side boundary, and looked as though he would merit a position much higher up the order. Jagex finished well short of the required total. Mr Extras was also comfortably the top scorer for Jagex, with 35 to his name. He really shouldn’t be allowed to bat for both teams.

There were a lot of extras conceded on both sides and the pitch was slower than an asthmatic ant with a heavy load of shopping. Hopefully the pending summer will speed things up. Deloitte up next.